Ex just told me he’s expecting baby with OW he left me for

[PooHeads]

Ex partner left me just over a year ago. We have a DC who is now 2. I got all the usual rubbish “I love you but not in love with you” etc. I suspected cheating but he vehemently denied it over and over. We went through some difficult times (having a baby in a pandemic) but we were doing ok and I thought our little family was everything to him. How wrong I was. Turned out he was shagging younger woman at work.

He now lives with OW and today told me via text she’s pregnant. It’s really thrown me. I just feel like I have been so easily replaced. She is literally living the life I had three years ago. Im
still dealing with becoming a single parent, the heartbreak, the shock of the split and now THIS. It feels too much. Any advice from someone who’s been through similar?

This. Sounds like he isn’t cut out for family life - it might all be great now, the excitement of a squishy newborn and choosing prams etc, but we all know how quickly that phase passes and then reality hits. It’s hilarious these men walk out on their families for the sexy, unmumsy women only to end up in exactly the same
situation once more! I know it hurts now but in 2 years time he is going to be in a much worse position than you, and she’ll look a right tit.

I had to check this wasn’t my own thread as I posted something similar recently!

Definitely get child support and contact schedule sorted ASAP

Find a counsellor to process your emotions with

Sorry this happened
so painful

It is sadly so so common

This happened to a friend of mine.

Very difficult at first but over time the hurt eased ... especially on a Friday night when she was child free as DC was at the Ex DP along with his new born.

Sorry to make light of it but think revenge when he has children around him 100% of time and you have free weekends and half school
Holidays to do as you please.

Sending

Hi Op

I think once novelty factor of being with someone new, and the demands/challenges of having a baby 👶 kick in,
I think he will be the type as sounds like emotional immature who will later on be tempted to flirt 🤔 look around else where every so often, when reality gets too stressful and mundane ,

She will always, have that thought whether fleeting or not, about whether he will stay faithful ,

I reckon it could even come back to bite her on backside one way or other later down the line.

What a shit. Thank goodness you don’t have to live with that absolute wankstain any more.

Difference between your experience and hers is that she already knows he’s a cheating bastard who will quite happily go elsewhere when a baby enters the scene and he’s not the centre of attention any more. She won’t trust him and it won’t last.

Set up a parenting app for communication

our family wizard has a feee but allows legal professionals access if needed

there are free ones too

What a wanker.

Allow yourself a day or two for it to sink in, have a wallow and a cry if you want to.

Then it’s time to sort practicalities. Divorce, financial settlement and maintenance payments if this isn’t sorted already. Fixed contact for him and your child so you get some time to yourself - a reminder for him that he doesn’t get to put your child on the back burner just because he has another on the way.

he has ended up back in nappies and drudgery. With someone he didn't choose but used as escapism with a toddler and an ex-wife in the mix, and OW in the full knowledge of exactly what he’s capable of when a new baby is on the scene, when his home life gets a bit tough, when he’s not centre of attention, etc. Life is going to be far from rosy for he and his OW.

That's so shit, what a twat! I've been there, there were no kids involved but felt like I was so easily replaced, it's gutting and you can tear yourself to bits which achieves nothing but feeling even shitter.

This is a temporarily feeling and it will pass. You're doing fantastically well.

He will be running off to someone else once the sleepless nights start.

You are probably right that she is living the life that you were living 3 years ago, and in all likelihood her story will end in the same way.

Are you hurt because he is the person that he is?

Do you wish to be with a cheater? Is that the life for which you are longing ? You can probably go to any one of several dating sites and let it be known that you are looking for a liar and a cheater who is willing to impregnate you and then leave you for another woman.

You will probably find many takers , that kind of man is not difficult to replace.

Better yet, start looking for your self respect and realize that he left you with the only good part of himself (your daughter).

His leaving was the second good thing that he did for you. You can hope that he will prove to be a better father than he was partner, but that is probably not going to be the case.

If you are going to waste your time grieving, let it not be for the likes of him.

Indifference is the best revenge.

Hold your head up remember, you were not the other woman, they have to live with that. Texting you is looking for a reaction, don’t give one. You got this girl. Go live your best life, and one day you’ll look back and realise he wasn’t worth any more of your sadness. Xx

Yeah, he’ll leave her too. As soon as the excitement of sex with the younger woman is replaced with nappies, vomit and sleepless nights. I know that doesn’t fix your situation, but you are better off without this loser x

I was completely thrown when mine told me the same although it was after 5 years.
I was concerned for my children & the changing relationship (he lives 3hrs away so he visits 1 day per fortnight & they only stay overnight in holidays)
Now I just laugh everytime he's moaning about sleepless nights & xyz, kids adore their baby sister, it's a bit squished when they visit but they manage.
Focus on you & your child and things that you can control & practically speaking figure out how much less maintenance he's likely to pay and make sure you can cope financially.

What a piece of work he is.

Sometimes it's better to frame things in a different way.....

maybe he was never the person you thought he was, maybe he actually never really loved you, maybe you never knew the real him and how he really felt about you. Maybe you didn't loose love, but never even had it with him in the first place. It was all just a deceptive illusion.

The tough patch of bringing a baby into your marriage, just made him bring out his true and honest colours. That he's a cheating scumbag.

While you're hurting now, ultimately time is a great healer of wounds. Allow yourself time to grieve and get over the trauma. It's ok, to not feel ok sometimes. That length of time varies, so don't chastise yourself if you think you're taking too long to 'get over it'. You'll heal in your own time. Get a good counsellor if you can and talk about it.

Learn to look at the new direction, opportunities, and freedoms you'll have now, that you didn't before when with him.

You might now do less domestic duties (no more washing his laundry) less childcare (when he takes DD on weekends), parent your way (discipline, outings choice etc) and live your way (pursue the career/hobbies/socialising) you've always wanted without having to negotiate every thing in life with him.

Better to live in bitter truth, than in a sweet lie. At least you're not fooled by him anymore.

Not quite the same, but similar - exp got OW pregnant when I was also pregnant. It’s shit, but they are now not together either - reality hit I think. Therapy was a godsend for me. Me and my LO are so happy now, and I love my little family with her. I count my lucky stars I’m not with a liar any more, and remember that he was never really the person I thought he was. It’s hard, so hard, when you initially find these things out, but it gets so much better. Be proud of everything you create for you and your LO - practically maintenance will reduce, but let him juggle having a newborn and toddler during his contact time and find something to do just for you to relax. You’re by far the winner in this situation - definitely don’t compare them as they’re far from a “perfect family” - cheat with you, cheat on you.

It wasn’t meant to be OP.

I could say he’ll do it again, she won’t be able to trust him etc but the truth is - I was her. I fell for a man (now dh) who had a wife and a DD of 10 when he left for me and we have been happily married now for 21 years.
You'll move on and find someone too. It may not feel it at first but my DH ex wife found someone else and is happy now. It happens.

It’s good to hear that you and your children are ok with it all now.

Yeah I’m not really bothered about whether they last or not 🤷‍♀️

So sorry this happened OP. I strongly believe that how she gained him is how she’ll lose him, when the baby is here & he’s no longer her focus & top priority she’ll be in the same situation he put you in. Unless he does an awful lot of growing up in the next 9 months, but I think a man who can leave his partner & tiny baby over what basically adds up to ‘I can’t enjoy living real life if I’m not front & centre’ & not least lie & cheat & continue to deceive, doesn’t bode well.

I had to comment!

My friend was left with two young children, ex moved away with OW and had two more children. Never paid maintenance to friend, constantly let children down (would arrange to see them and not turn up) until eventually friend said “Enough!” For the next 10 years she had abusive phone calls, emails and was called many names by ex’s partner until one day......the OW phoned expecting sympathy because he’d left her and wouldn’t pay maintenance, was messing children about. Friend refused to give her a sympathetic ear.

Thank you. We were never married thank god and you’re right he definitely wasnt who I thought. He’s a compulsive liar, a narcissist and a gaslighter. I know all this now and am trying to come to terms with this, and the fact this type is person is father to my child.
Not sure about having less “domestic duties” -!it’s exhausting being a single parent to a toddler and working full time…

Thank you ❤️