When you bump into your ex and wonder why you were so heartbroken over them

[Chloeblue]

My 5 year relationship ended almost 2 years ago now. It took me over a year to get over him, I was really heartbroken. He was cold and callous at the end. I unexpectedly bumped into him at a social event recently and felt... nothing really! I didn't fancy him any more... thought he'd aged a lot. I'm amazed I was so heartbroken really.
Anyone else experience similar?

I hope I have that one day! Must be a good feeling.

Yeah, with my most recent ex - I still have him as a friend on Facebook (we are vaguely amicable), and when I see his photos I feel physically repulsed! But I was wild for him for a time.....

In fact, of my four previous long term relationships, there is only one I do not find slightly repulsive now. I think it's because the things which were mildly irritating or off putting about them at the time, you suddenly see in massively clear focus ..... Shorter term relationships the reversal of emotion is less extreme - because I never got to the point of starting to be irritated by them I guess.

100 percent. I saw him once a few weeks after at a party and had that ache

Then saw him again about 6 months after and was having a great time and looked great while he didn't and he kept on trying to get my attention. And I felt a bit anxious/ uneasy and like something was a miss and if anything a bit sorry for him

Then I saw him for the last time about 3 years after the relationship had ended he looked a mess and just stared at me while I strutted past with my partner. I felt absolutely nothing not upset, no ache , no feeling sorry. In fact I haven't even thought about how I saw him until right now

You will have that feeling one day

I never thought I'd get to this stage, and didn't realise I was there until I saw him

I'd previously only bumped into him after a couple of months post-breakup and would have done anything to be back with him then.

Hi Op

I am glad you feel like that about him,

I have finally got to the stage where I dont know what I saw in him really 😅,
At times I think I was far too good for him, and at the time didn't realise it.

He is now with another woman , I couldn't care less,
I have moved on from that loser ....

Oh I'm so pleased for you OP! How I wish I felt like that - I hope that time comes for me! It's so hard when you're in the thick of it isn't it. Heartbreak really does suck.

How long did it take you to get there?

I often thought I wouldn't cope if I saw him with someone else. Now, I'd just pity her, knowing that I and all his other exes were discarded in the same way. I've no idea if he is or not.

I went out with someone for 5 years before I met my husband. Although I instigated the split, I often thought of him and that mad, crazy, all consuming love you have for your first love.

I’d thought he was gorgeous. Anyway, I met him at a mutual friend’s birthday party when we were both in our late 30s. He’d really gone to seed. He was fat and bald and I barely recognised him. It was cathartic!

My long term ex from uni, who I was with for years and at one point we talked about marriage. He has a long unkempt beard that looks like pubes and deep lines on his forehead. Genuinely don't understand how I was attracted to him.

There were many red flags I ignored and could only see them months after we split up, critical of me at times, etc. It's taken time and work for me to get to this stage but I've finally seen the light. It's been a long, hard road.

This happened me recently. I also thought mine had aged a lot and he also looked like he'd shrunk or something! I felt, gosh, I'd never go back there, which must be a sign I'm well and truly over him.

I was quite surprised when I bumped into mine. The same guy I was heartbroken over for almost two years... I wondered why and didn't fancy him at all. It helped me finally to move on.

My ex didn't become unattractive, in fact he was more athletic and fit than usual however I just felt nothing. It was like a spell had broken. Marvellous feeling! But then I felt sorry at how he was pining for me and I started obsessing again a couple of months later.
It was one of those obsessive love-hate, hot and cold relationships. We could never be on the same time zone or page or whatever you want to call it, when I was turned on, he wasn't, when he was flirty, I wasn't, when I wanted more he didn't .. it was the most exhausting relationship I've ever had. Intense attraction, love at first sight, obsessions, and then boom nothing! I'm going to see him again in a couple of months at a wedding and I'm dreading it. I wonder what vibe we'll be in next. It seems we take it in turn to 'runaway'.

I have seen crushes that have physically changed to the worse objectively speaking, but I still fancied them years later despite the changes. The spark was still there.

Looked one up on social media and saw him doing a horrible pose with his tongue AND beer belly hanging out. That was enough for me.

I think it's easier to "to get" over someone who has haggard and aged dreadfully, but what if the person has actually remained as you remember them (more or less), still attractive and their personality hasn't done a lobotomy so to speak?

My ex, in the 2 years since we split he’s aged rapidly. Horrific bags under his eyes and just nose is bright red like an alcoholics.

I thought he was amazing but now he just repulses me.

I wish this were universal. I bumped into mine on Friday wearing an outfit I associate with dates, and it all came flooding back. We ended 2 years ago but he still feels like home

Have four exes - one has passed away but I don't feel repulsed by any of them - we were just different people wanting different things

There is one shorter term relationship where I would go back to it in an instant but it's a long time ago

Yes! I was madly in love and devastated when we broke up. Took two years to even function properly afterwards. Now, many more years later, I think what the hell? I value myself and live a happy life. I'd imagine though that if any of my exes saw me they'd think what the hell too as I've gone a bit to seed, but I'm happy, and that's what's important.

Whenever I see my exdh, I think this. He actually gives me the major ick. We have a dc and pretty amicable but I struggle to see him or even talk to him over the phone, I wonder what on Earth I was thinking

My exH hasn’t really changed much and I can still see glimmers of what originally attracted me to him. Sometimes we laugh for a moment and he is MY husband again in that moment. However I’d totally never ever go back. He isn’t a functioning man and I don’t ever want to ho back to being his “mum”. It doesn’t hurt at all anymore (4.5years on from the split).

My more recent ex though.., finally the anger is declining but I totally dread bumping into him. Haven’t seen him since we split a few months ago and again I’m never going back there. However I’m pretty sure if I saw him it would seriously sting. I intend to continue to avoid him as much as possible until that fades!

I had this recently. Took me ten years to not think about him. I really loved this person so much and had a relationship for years. I saw him recently and felt nothing, I mean literally nothing. It was brilliant, like a weight had been lifted and it was so freeing.