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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Not sure what he wants

13 replies

LaPerduta · 22/01/2023 17:54

Been "talking to" a guy for about four months. He lives abroad and we've met twice in that time. I also know him from a decade ago so have seen him quite a few more times on the past.

He seems very keen and is in touch multiple times each day pretty much without fail. Made an effort to come to see me before Christmas.

However we were just talking about holidays and he said he'd probably spend his summer holiday where his parents live. Am I expecting too much that he might want to spend at least some of it with me, or is it too soon to be thinking like this?

I like him a lot, but don't want to waste my time on a non-starter. We're in our 40s and neither of us have been married or have kids.

OP posts:
MarmaladeCrumpets · 22/01/2023 18:16

Well how would a relationship work with him anyway since he lives abroad?

DatingDinosaur · 22/01/2023 18:16

Non-starter for a life partner/relationship.

supercali77 · 22/01/2023 18:45

Its enough of a pita getting to see my dp 40 mins away (admittedly both with kids), how would it even get off off ground if he lives abroad? If I were you I'd think of it as a nice occassional fling and look for someone closer to home

Justmuddlingalong · 22/01/2023 18:49

I think it's a non starter. Regular texts and phone calls don't make a relationship. Keep in touch by all means but continue dating more locally too.

LaPerduta · 22/01/2023 18:53

MarmaladeCrumpets · 22/01/2023 18:16

Well how would a relationship work with him anyway since he lives abroad?

He is British and plans to move back to the UK at some point relatively soon. In the meantime I'm generally happy with the level of communication.

OP posts:
Justmuddlingalong · 22/01/2023 18:54

But not with his holiday plans? You sound more invested than him.

SomethingLessIdentifiable · 22/01/2023 18:56

This isn’t a relationship.

From your brief posts it seems to me like he’s keeping you on the back burner in case he wants to have a relationship with you if/when he moves to the UK.

Don’t wait around or invest too much energy into this one.

LaPerduta · 22/01/2023 19:20

Justmuddlingalong · 22/01/2023 18:54

But not with his holiday plans? You sound more invested than him.

Possibly, yes.

OP posts:
Zanatdy · 22/01/2023 19:34

If he’s definitely coming back to the U.K. soon I guess it might work out, and he can spend time with his parents in the holidays as he will see you the rest of the time. I guess it’s quite soon to be planning a summer holiday incase it doesn’t work out.

LaPerduta · 22/01/2023 19:49

Zanatdy · 22/01/2023 19:34

If he’s definitely coming back to the U.K. soon I guess it might work out, and he can spend time with his parents in the holidays as he will see you the rest of the time. I guess it’s quite soon to be planning a summer holiday incase it doesn’t work out.

I don't necessarily want to plan it yet, but don't want it to not even be a possibility.

OP posts:
Goatbilly · 22/01/2023 20:18

Are you wanting/hoping to have children with this man (if that was still a possibility)?

LHReturns · 22/01/2023 20:19

Summer, as in 6 months from now??

Watchkeys · 22/01/2023 20:23

Don't you want to be with someone who communicates with you in a way that you understand?

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