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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

What is it called when you know he was horrible but you are second guessing yourself

3 replies

itsonlyatowel · 22/01/2023 16:51

Wondering if it was you?
I keep remembering a few specific things that he did that demonstrated lack of care, control, sneering, punishment, nastiness, selfishness, but
Mostly punishment.

There were so many good points and I know he is hurting now and deeply regretting that we broke up.
I gave until I had no more to give and feel utterly drained after the relationship.He had everything to gain from the relationship. Me.. not so much. In fact very little besides companionship and being told how to 'do' everything from
Parenting to managing my life, divorce, car, work etc.

I won't be going back, ever.

But there is part of me that wonders if I caused him to behave like that.

I am doing work on myself and am reengaging with my counsellor in the next month but there is a reason that my self worth must be so low as to have tolerated such shitty behaviour at times.

I need to make sure it doesn't happen me again and I leave at the first sign of basis c lack of love and care.
And the sex was also shit. Again, I did the labour itkwim.

OP posts:
frozendaisy · 22/01/2023 16:57

He was just a cock.

Nothing more.

You tried.

Don't look back or waste too much overthinking he has had enough of your energy he really doesn't deserve any more.

OhPeggySue · 22/01/2023 17:06

To answer your opening question, the term is gaslighting.

itsonlyatowel · 22/01/2023 17:18

Why do I feel guilty and why am I looking solely at the good times, only.
He didn't deserve me. He was a taker.
I never realised my self worth was so low.

OP posts:
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