Arguments leading to squeezing my arms

Blashed · 2023-01-22T11:57:26+00:00

Hi Me and my boyfriend got into a heated argument lastnight. During the argument i was sat away from him and we were both raising voices, following this he grabbed me towards him in a of restraint position and started squeezing my arms tightly not letting me go even though i wasent attempting to go anywhere. I managed to push him off and he has since apologised for his behaviour. I am upset and confused as this is the second time this has happened. I dont know if i am being dramatic for feeling upset as he has said sorry. Would appreciate the advise

ZekeZeke · 22/01/2023 12:02

2nd time it's happened -it will only escalate.
Walk and don't look back.
Do not move in together and do not have children with this aggressive dick.

beastlyslumber · 22/01/2023 12:04

I bet he said sorry the first time too. But if he was really sorry, it wouldn't have happened a second time.

You need to throw this one back, OP.

billy1966 · 22/01/2023 12:22

Restraining you is assaulting you.

Be clear on that.

You are in an abusive relationship.

This is domestic abuse.

Ring Women's aid for a chat because you sound very confused and vulnerable.

He has done this before and you stayed?

Why would you do that?

This is not a good man.

This is someone who has assaulted you by putting his hands on you.

It will only escalate.

Do you want to be an abused woman?

Because by staying with him, you are giving him the clear message that you have zero self respect and he can assault you.

Ring 101 and talk to the police about what he has done.

Wake up OP and do the online course www.freedomprogramme.co.uk

Your boundaries are poor and you are very vulnerable to becoming another abused woman.

AnuSTart · 22/01/2023 12:25

Two options;

you stay with him and tacitly accept abuse- as this is what it is and staying with him says, 'I accept to be treated this way.'
you leave as you do not want to be in a relationship which involves abuse (from either side).

Simple on paper.

Shoxfordian · 22/01/2023 12:30

He’s escalating his abusive behaviour
Don’t stay to see what happens next time

babypleasenow · 22/01/2023 12:32

Hey I'm really sorry to tell you this as I know it's painful but if you look at any domestic violence website or statistics this is how all abuse starts. They don't punch you in the face the first time but he's seeing what you'll put up with. It starts with this level and only gets worse. Please leave. It's not acceptable at all. Much love xx

DramaAlpaca · 22/01/2023 12:32

He has assaulted you twice now. There is no excuse for that whatsoever. Please don't stay with this abusive man.

Emmamoo89 · 22/01/2023 12:35

You need to leave x

PuppaDontPreach · 22/01/2023 12:36

You are not being dramatic. It's abuse and it has happened more than once.

Dery · 22/01/2023 12:42

“if you look at any domestic violence website or statistics this is how all abuse starts. They don't punch you in the face the first time but he's seeing what you'll put up with. It starts with this level and only gets worse. Please leave. It's not acceptable at all. Much love xx”

This.

Tigresses · 22/01/2023 12:42

This has made me feel sick.

He was trying to control and silence you with physical abuse.

What was the nature of the raised voices argument?

I am suspecting emotional violence here too? Don’t be with someone who enrages you so much. Walk away.

A calm and peaceful relationship is what you are after where disagreements can be talked through with kindness and respect.

Original poster

Blashed · 22/01/2023 12:51

ZekeZeke · 22/01/2023 12:02

2nd time it's happened -it will only escalate.
Walk and don't look back.
Do not move in together and do not have children with this aggressive dick.

Yep it happened maybe 7 months ago and he told me he felt ashamed as he had smashed a glass out of my hand and grabbed my arms leading to some bruising however i forgave him because i thought he made a mistake and he made it out that he never intended to hurt me.

OP posts:

DemelzaandRoss · 22/01/2023 12:52

Drop him like a sack of potatoes. Don’t go back for more. This is a deal-breaker.
You deserve better. Absolutely get rid of.
Sorry this has happened. A hand hold.

ZekeZeke · 22/01/2023 13:02

Blashed · 22/01/2023 12:51

Yep it happened maybe 7 months ago and he told me he felt ashamed as he had smashed a glass out of my hand and grabbed my arms leading to some bruising however i forgave him because i thought he made a mistake and he made it out that he never intended to hurt me.

Show quote history

Honey once is too much.
Please don't stay with this abusive man.
He has assaulted you twice.
Do you live together?

category12 · 22/01/2023 13:07

If you stay, you're saying you will tolerate being physically abused. Apologies don't cut it when the behaviour recurs.

His "shame" from the first incident hasn't stopped the second.

You need to split up with him.

ShakespearesBlister · 22/01/2023 13:10

There's a saying that you should listen when people show you who they are. This is a show of strength. He is showing you that he is physically powerful and could do more to you if he wanted to. It's a form of control to keep you in your place and not test him. The fact that you have posted about this because it didn't feel right and has confused you shows that you know this is not right and should not be happening.

ShakespearesBlister · 22/01/2023 13:14

Blashed · 22/01/2023 12:51

Yep it happened maybe 7 months ago and he told me he felt ashamed as he had smashed a glass out of my hand and grabbed my arms leading to some bruising however i forgave him because i thought he made a mistake and he made it out that he never intended to hurt me.

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So now you know that it wasn't a mistake because it happened again.

KettrickenSmiled · 22/01/2023 15:14

Blashed · 22/01/2023 12:51

Yep it happened maybe 7 months ago and he told me he felt ashamed as he had smashed a glass out of my hand and grabbed my arms leading to some bruising however i forgave him because i thought he made a mistake and he made it out that he never intended to hurt me.

Show quote history

oh come on OP. Have YOU ever "made a mistake" by grabbing someone so hard they bruised? Ever "mistakenly" smashed a glass out of their hand?

Of course you haven't.

He's done it twice now. Please don't wait around for the third time.
Do you live independently from him?

Aquamarine1029 · 22/01/2023 15:17

You should have dumped him the first time, as well as called the police. You would have to be insane to stay with him. His violence will escalate, I guarantee it.

Original poster

Blashed · 22/01/2023 16:39

KettrickenSmiled · 22/01/2023 15:14

oh come on OP. Have YOU ever "made a mistake" by grabbing someone so hard they bruised? Ever "mistakenly" smashed a glass out of their hand?

Of course you haven't.

He's done it twice now. Please don't wait around for the third time.
Do you live independently from him?

Show quote history

I understand and nope i havent.
No we live seperate so i havent seen or spoken to him since the incident

OP posts:

Original poster

Blashed · 22/01/2023 16:40

babypleasenow · 22/01/2023 12:32

Hey I'm really sorry to tell you this as I know it's painful but if you look at any domestic violence website or statistics this is how all abuse starts. They don't punch you in the face the first time but he's seeing what you'll put up with. It starts with this level and only gets worse. Please leave. It's not acceptable at all. Much love xx

Thank you x

OP posts:

AttilaTheMeerkat · 22/01/2023 16:44

The only acceptable level of abuse in a relationship is none.

There will be a third time if you were to choose to forgive and or remain with him.

Your boundaries here, perhaps already weakened by prior poor experience or abuse, are being further got at by this frankly dangerous individual now. Such men hate women and ALL of them. Enrolling yourself onto the Freedom Programme would be beneficial to you.

Thankfully you live separately to him so this will be easier for you to end the relationship by phone. You owe him nothing here, least of all a relationship. He needs to be gone as a boyfriend from your life permanently.

Topseyt123 · 22/01/2023 16:47

It's abuse, pure and simple. He has assaulted you twice now and you need to dump him.

He will escalate this. Perhaps even break your arm next time, or worse. Don't hang around for that.

sweatervest · 22/01/2023 17:15

although you might not think it - you're in a great position and lucky and you can wipe this knobface out of your life.
also the statistic that it takes most people an average of 8 attempts before they leave an abusive partner. but you can do it in one attempt like you're doing it now. and be proud of yourself for that. (hopefully you don't go back to him)

also that it takes an average of 50 instances of abuse before people say something so at least you've said it here. have you told someone in real life what's happened?

relaxingrainbow · 15/12/2023 08:03

In a heated argument I tried to stop my husband from leaving , and he grabbed my wrists and squeezed them tight and it really hurt , I know I shouldn't try stop him from leaving, but he didn't even say sorry for hurting my wrists ge said I was trying to stop him 😢 am I over reacting ? I'm upset at this .