Ghosting 👻

[Mummsnett]

Just a rant tbh...
I have two kids under 5, split from ex in Oct 21, have them 12 out of 14 days as ex works away, so my free time is very limited.

Signed up to dating apps last summer and am keen to date and meet new guys. Have been on about 5 dates and a few went to second dates, but nothing with potential for more yet.
But I've invested sooo much time in chats that have resulted in being ghosted and it's driving me mad. Why chat if you're not going to meet?! I have even tried to appear less keen in chats as a test to see if that resulted in better outcome, but I hate game playing.

Last Saturday matched with and started chatting to a fab guy, seemed to tick all the boxes and I suggested meeting on Sunday (today). He agreed and all week we've been chatting, lots of banter. Messaged him yesterday to confirm time for meeting and didn't hear back, then before bed checked again and he had unmatched!!! Why!!!
This is so annoying and upsetting.

Most chats do fizzle out compared to how many end up as a date, sometimes people change their mind about going through with a date, tbh that's better than going through with a date than with someone going for the sake of it.

Just keep friendly and positive, don't get attached before you meet, trying to appear less interested isn't going to do you any favours, just be yourself and eventually you will click with someone.

Don't rely on OLD, get your ex to be more involved in evenings and join sone sort of club and make actual friends

He provided thought about your situation realistically and realised you'd have no actual time to date and progress anything, probably felt uncomfortable raising it with you

In answer to why they do it, you'll never know for this particular person, but some reasons...

1. Perhaps you revealed something in the chat that made them realise you wouldn't be compatible

1. They never had any intention of meeting in the first place, and were just enjoying the chat. This could be bevause a) they're already in a relationship or b)they have anxieties about meeting

1. They were a few weeks in to seeing someone else and have decided to make a go of it with that person

1. They've changed their mind about online dating and don't fancy doing it anymore

Either way, they're twats not to apologise, but you should know it's not personal, men do this often. Maybe women do too.

Going forward, meet quickly if you don't enjoy wasting time texting, and my personal favourite is just to go for a walk. Then I don't have to put any effort in ti get ready, and I enjoy a walk anyway if it doesn't work.

Or he is married

Thanks all, yes the logical side of my brain has considered all these points, and I know it's their issue not mine, but I would so rather they just admitted they'd changed their mind and we could go our separate ways... If only!

You have to take online dating for what it is. The majority are just looking for something casual because they've been burned before and aren't ready for a relationship. That can be an issue when you are looking for more. It's probably best to go into it as a bit of fun and just see if anything develops naturally. You can usually tell early on which ones are not serious.