Split Up Obession

[Razor123]

Hi all, need some advice as I am really struggling...
Since my partner broke up with me over Christmas due to them wanting to be on their own, I cannot help but want to continually message/call/ see them and I'm worried about becoming obsessive. We met up in person just after new year where I was told from nowhere that they are not after a relationship anymore (after 6 months) and they want to be on their own. We have been communicating regularly since, as I'm trying to find a way forward, for example me stepping back a bit, but our messaging has become pretty intense, lengthy and detailed. They do respond but is getting frustrated. I cannot help it though and have such urges, as it feels like an addiction, but worry I am driving them away...
It is really doing my head in and I need advice on how to handle this. I love them dearly and am lost.

I'm just trying to understand and see if there is any way of salvaging the situation somehow...

Exactly my thought

But he doesn’t want to be in a relationship with you, or he would be in a relationship with you.

You’re kidding yourself, and dragging this out will cause you far more pain in the long run.

He doesn’t want to be with you anymore. If he does he will let you know. Preserve your dignity and self respect and leave him alone

Where did I say block & delete?

OP is hoping to restart the relationship and is saying that they are obsessively messaging their ex, and insisting on a level of contact that the ex isn't interested in or they would have kept it up themselves without being guilted. What part of that sounds like keeping up a friendship after a break-up?

Once the dust settles and OP has fully accepted the split and moved on emotionally, there might be room for friendship - but the current behaviour is not conducive to that.

I think it's unhelpful of the ex to give mixed messages where they are saying they still love OP and going along with contact. But they have said they want to be on their own, so OP would be better taking time out and healing, rather than chasing them.

You said in your initial post it was an obsession/addiction, so you recognise its not healthy for you. But you're defending it when anyone agrees it's not healthy. He's said it's over, if he wants to salvage it...he knows where you are.

He maybe polite and responding, but it doesn't mean he wants you back. It sounds like you have forced him to reply tbh. You need to realise if he wanted to be with you, he would. Forcing him to continue to reply is going to push him away.

It's just not supposed to be this hard - especially after 6 months, that's the easiest stage!

Give yourself a break from it and stop contacting him. It's getting you nowhere.

Friendship may come in time but not when one party still has feelings amd wants more than friendship. If she has any chance of a friendship in future, continuously messaging him is not the way to do it.

Either he wants to be on his own or he loves you and wants to be with you. He is sending mixed messages if he is still giving you the impression that he wants to be with you.

If he doesn't then he needs to end it and block you to stop you from repeatedly contacting him.

6 months isn't very long to be seeing someone and it doesn't make them your partner, just somebody you have been dating.

You need to talk and decide if its on or off and if its on then what is an acceptable level of communication for both of you?

You have to practice some tough love on yourself

you know he doesnt want you and he’s dumped you

he had you and didn’t want you 😞

its ok to be upset after a break up , normal
it’s ok to feel loss
and that you’ll never find someone again
and it’s ok to think about them and feel like your obsessed with them

but contacting him is literally prolonging the pain
its a form of self harm and only damaged you

you know what you have to do

If you've broken up he doesn't love you enough at all

You need to leave him alone and move on.

Do you have friends you need to reconnect with?

“ but worry I am driving them away...”

This. You will, eventually.

Eventually his patience will run out and he’ll stop replying to you.

And then you’ll go through the heartbreak all over again as the realisation dawns on you that he’s ignoring you.

Ask him to put you on his blocked list to help you get over the separation, if he does then you know there was no future, if he doesn't then he still wants your friendship. It does sound a bit stalkerish at the minute.

Sometimes love isn't enough.

I have not contacted in over a week now and it is so hard. I have the urge to contact, to get a response, but I'm holding off. I'm so so crushed I feel constantly sick.

Well done @Razor123, a week is brilliant.

I know it feels like torture but it really is the best thing you can do. One day at a time, it gets easier x

Well done OP
i was desperate to text my ex yesterday
he’s had a lot on , I missed his birthday

but it literally re opens the wound every time

I find the Matthew Hussey videos and the comments on YouTube helpful
we are not alone !!!

Podcasts were my savior! Just keep yourself continually busy and remind yourself that you are not doing yourself any favors in pursuing someone who doesn't want you. Give yourself targets - just get to the end of the week without texting, then the end of the month, then Easter... Eventually the urge to reach out passes and you realise you've gone hours without thinking about them. You aren't alone in feeling this way, it is normal!