NC for this but it is a genuine post.
I’m feeling a bit hard done by and I want to know if I should be. I have a much higher sex drive than my OH, pretty much always have had.
For him, it’s generally too much effort (as are most things - another problem for another day).
But I manage to get by, mostly by myself.
This is how things are and I would like advice as to whether it sounds about right or if I am expecting too much. I don’t think I am.
Firstly, if I want any form of attention, I have to ask for it. As in literally “Can we have sex please?”
If I ask in advance, I get told yes, but then he makes an excuse or falls asleep.
He never, ever asks me for it. He stays up watching telly till 1/2am then comes up. So if I am willing to stay awake till then (when I have to be up for work at 6.30) then I can get some.
He is very happy to wank me off (and very good at it) but only if he is laying down and I have to get in the right position, he doesn’t move to me.
He is very overweight so finds PIV difficult but there are some positions it works in. But they are “too energetic at my age” (he’s 42!) so we don’t tend to do it.
He refuses to use condoms because they “spoil the sensation” so I am on the pill, but considering we never have actual sex, I generally don’t bother to take it because it’s just something else to remember for no real reason. On the rare occasions PIV is on the cards, he always stops and asks if I’ve taken it, which kills the mood, and if I have missed one in the last week, he won’t penetrate, he just stops and asks for a wank instead.
He will only give me oral if I am completely shaved, which I don’t particularly like doing because it is uncomfortable when it grows back. And 9/10 I go to the effort and he just doesn’t want to do it anyway.
(I can’t use creams etc because of an allergic reaction once).
But he asks me for it a lot, and I do it, partly because it’s the only thing he shows interest in and I hope it might lead to more.
But, and this is the bit that pisses me off most - he is constantly trying to feel my breasts, and asks me to go out in public with no bra on, or no knickers so that he can cop a feel whenever he likes. He has this thing about me having hard nipples and other people noticing. We will be sitting watching telly and he will say “Show us your tits”.
I HATE all of that and refuse to do it.
We both have busy lives, kids at home etc but I try to find time for us. We go literally months without sex. We probably have some form of intimacy 5/6 times a YEAR and PIV maybe once if I’m lucky.
He promises me the Earth but when it comes down to it, a quick fumble and he’s done.
Last night, both the kids were on a sleepover. So I told him I thought we should make the most of it.
I am quite kinky (I’m into BDSM among other things) and asked him to take control. He slapped my breasts a bit (at my request) then asked for a blow job. I gave him that, he came and then said “There, did you enjoy that?”
I said “What? We haven’t finished yet?”
He said “I have! And you got your slapping, what more do you want?”
Then we basically had a massive row about how I’m too demanding and how he can’t be bothered and I stormed off to the spare room where I’ve been since 8.30 last night. So much for my night of passion.
He refuses to see a counsellor, he says that there’s nothing wrong with having a low sex drive, and he’s always happy to wank me off if I ask, but I don’t think it’s unreasonable to ask for more.
None of us are getting any younger and I’m seriously considering going and getting some elsewhere but I wouldn’t know where to start.
Any suggestions on what to do, please? Is this pretty much what I should expect with such differing tastes?