What's your view after an affair?

[TellMeTheTruthTheWholeTruth]

I've always thought I'd leave my husband immediately if he had an affair (as far as I know he hasn't).

However, I just heard this quote in a movie clip and it made me wonder if I would think a little differently (I would guess the woman who said it was late 50s or early 60s). I suppose it could also depend on whether it was an ongoing affair or a one night stand.

Although once the trust has gone ....

Just wondered what your views are on this:

“He cheated on you, how could you stay with him?”

“I chose to stay with him for all the things that he had done right, and not to leave him for the one thing that he had done wrong!”

Luckily I’ve never been in the situation (as far as I’m aware anyway….) but I’ve never been of the mindset of “I’d definitely leave him” if it happened to me.

I’d do what was right for me if that makes sense - if I wanted to stay I’d stay, and if I wanted to go I’d go.

I don’t think there’s a right or wrong answer really, I just think it depends x

Also - what film was this OP?

Unfortunately I don't know! It was a clip that came up on an Instagram reel and it didn't say what then film was. I thought I'd like to see it though!

Just did some Googling and seems like it’s from a film called The Vow. Will have to watch now!

No, it would be curtains for me. Trust gone completely.

Maybe it's like that drop of sh*t on a Michelin starred meal, might only look small but kind of puts you off the whole experience

Anyone had experience (during divorce proceedings) of uncovering hidden bank accounts from their 'D' H? If so how did you find out?

Sorry meant to start another thread!!

“I chose to stay with him for all the things that he had done right, and not to leave him for the one thing that he had done wrong!"

There are lots who choose to stay, but they're still miserable because the trust is gone and the affair caused too much trauma and damage.

I wouldn't be able to stay, no way!

There are people that turn a blnd eye because they can keep their lifestyle or whatever, if it works for them fine

But then there are people who it happens once too then seem surprised it happens again

Then there are some people who think they change a person, how I have no idea

But if all works for them great, couldn't do it myself

I’ve been cheated on but not to my knowledge to someone I was married to, it was a longtime boyfriend and I found out quickly after the breakup. Can you believe it was a woman I became close to after our own random meeting? He told her we were in an open relationship,) It made it easy to never take his calls again. He is dead to me.

i think it’s tougher in a marriage situation but it’ll never be the same. You’ll be haunted by it, always wondering, policing, and stressing, it ages women, that stress… better to just be free and if he can win you back all over again then ok… these men often won’t. They cheated because they don’t value you, and took you for granted..thinking themselves the catch.

Women deserve better than laying their beauty and delights out to a man where they wonder “why wasn’t I good enough, is he thinking of another woman, did he do that with her?”

It’s only when they lose you that they suddenly value what they lost…though coincidentally it’s also when the woman comes into her own lol Turns out she’s the one with options and the best one is not doing the pick me dance for an ungrateful piece of crap.

Thank you!

My husband slept with someone else early on in our relationship. I was devastated. He was really sorry.
It was a drunken one night stand with his ex.
It took a long time (years), and lots of apologies, lots of arguments and couples therapy.
10 years later I would say that we're really happy and the trust in restored. He respects me and we have a good relationship. In a really weird way, I think it has done some good as I held him on a pedestal before but now I dont.
I think it's hard to admit to friends (or on these message boards) that your marriage has survived an affair but so far, mine seems to be doing ok.
I think it's much more common than people care to admit.

No from me.

Without trust there's nothing left.

Long term marriage here when I discovered his cheating. Up until then he too had done a lot of right things . But this was the devastating betrayal that cancelled out everything else. Initially I agreed to see if I could overcome it but I just couldn't do it. Everytime I looked at him, it was all I could think of . I lost any respect I had for him and began to despise and hate him . He had to leave and I will never forgive him .

I am so sorry that happened to you. You deserve better than that type of man.

Many on here who say they’d leave straight away might not if it became a reality. I think for me it would depend like you say on a 1 night stand or long standing affair. The first I think I could forgive if a lot of alcohol involved, as I’ve definitely been known to do some pretty stupid stuff when drunk. I’m not sure I’d be as forgiving for say a 6 month affair, constant lying to me, sneaking around. That’s a lot different.

I found out that my husband was having an affair and I will never forget the sickening feeling as my whole (what I thought ) happy life was gone .
I had seen a text on his phone by accident and when I asked him about it ,I could tell by his face that my worst fears were true .
I desperately tried to stick my shattered life /heart back together again as I found it so difficult to suddenly not love him ,and I knew that if I couldn't live with it ,the life my children knew would be altered forever .
Looking back I can see that in some ways I was pathetic ,but in the end it gave me peace of mind to know that the decision to end my marriage was not taken lightly .
We tried to work it out but as time went on ,I became angrier and stronger and after a year I finally was able to go it alone .
Life is not black and white .

Well there's a line written by a man and no mistake!