Partner shoved me onto the floor - 2 weeks after a c section

[MumOfTwoBeans]

Bit of a backstory…currently 2 weeks after my second c section. Me and my partner were arguing and he threw my phone and shoved me onto the floor in front of my 2 year old toddler. He has never been physically abusive before but I believe he is emotionally abusive. We aren’t intimate and he never kisses me etc so I’ve felt for a while that things weren’t going to last.

He spent the night out of the house and sat in a train station down the road threatening to kill himself. Then he came back because he said I needed help lifting my toddler for the next 4 weeks because my scar is infected and coming apart so I’ve been told no lifting off the floor and no lifting DS. I don’t know what to do. I feel trapped and so sad. I’m mourning the break up and I’m also stressed because I feel lonely and scared to talk to family because of it being physical abuse.

I feel like I’ve failed my kids and have nobody else to help me. What should I do?

Talk to your family and leave. This isn’t acceptable on any level and that must be so painful for you at what’s a really vulnerable time.

If you can’t talk to family maybe try your health visitor.

For your own self respect and your children don’t stay with a man who has done this to you.

Please talk to someone about this - if not your family then a professional (health visitor, GP, midwife if you’re still under postnatal care, women’s aid). It is totally not right (to put it mildly) that your partner did this to you - and at 2 weeks post c-section and in front of your toddler no less. Don’t be ashamed - the shame is his, not yours. Leaving this man is best for you and your children. Witnessing domestic violence can have devastating repercussions for children.

Call the police and report the physical and emotional abuse. He will be arrested. Get support from your midwife, health visitors, report it at the next check of your wound. No wonder it is coming apart if you ar e being thrown to the floor you poor thing. Please take urgent action to keep yourself and your children safe.

also the crying and threatening to kill himself afterwards to absolutely textbook abuse manipulation, he’ll hurt you again and it will probably be worse next time

Speak to your HV/GP - they should be able to signpost you to domestic abuse services in your area. Consider involving the police.

It's not you failing your kids - he's the one failing them by being violent & abusive. Splitting up with him is the right thing for your children - domestic abuse in the home affects their wellbeing too.

This is a lot to wrap your head around and you're clearly still stunned.

You need to accept a few truths here all the same -

He's an abuser.
Not your friend.
Not your partner.
He's your adversary, your enemy.
You cannot trust him.
Knocking you to the ground two weeks post CS and then threatening suicide are as bad as it gets.

Swallow your pride and go to your mum.

Is there anywhere you can go, or anyone to come and help you?

Please tell your family.

www.womensaid.org.uk

Get help now. File a police report; restraining order, the lot.
I am so sorry you are in this position.
Don't take him back. It will not get better.

That’s shocking. He claims to care enough about your infected scar so comes back to care for the toddler, but has just shoved you onto the floor. No, he just doesn’t want to leave, as it’s inconvenient for him. Please speak to women’s aid, if there’s no family members to help with the toddler I’m sure they will have some guidance on what to do. Staying with this man isn’t your only option and if he’s shoved you when you’re recovering from surgery and struggling with wound healing issues then Lord knows what he’s capable of

You have been given good advice. My contribution is to add that yes you should involve the Police. One way or another they will assist to exclude him from the home. This would mean you do not have to go into a women's refuge with the children. If you do go though, you would get a lot of support and be rehoused. Maybe you would do better closer to family but you will know.