My Dad visits his children from second marriage much more.

[Notaboutthebass]

My Dad has supported me through some tough times recently and I get on very well with my step mum. They visit their children and grandchildren more often than me and my sibling which I had kind of taken on board.

He rang me on the way back from somewhere, we'd chatted about stuff, what we'd both been up to and unfortunately further problems that I'd been having. He warned me that he may lose his signal, which happened and the call ended mid conversation. He never called me back. That was nearly 3 hours ago.

Just get the feeling that I'm just a moaner now. Anyone else like this?

How far away do they live to you?

What the age difference between you and your half siblings? Do they have very young children?

An hours drive. During our conversation he said that they'd had a nice Christmas and New Year etc and never asked if I had. It wasn't a me, me, me conversation either, I'm very aware of not coming across like that.

So the age difference between me and my youngest half sibling is 12 years and yes they have very little children. It's more the fact he obviously couldn't be bothered to carry on the conversation after he got cut off.

When he and my mum split up when I was tiny he had to be pushed to carry on a relationship with myself and sibling, (there was a big geographical distance though as my mum moved with us far away - 100 miles).

I'd try to focus on the fact that he is supportive.

If your mum moved you 100 miles away I imagine it was very hard for him to develop and maintain a relationship with you. He’d also have been younger, so less mature, less financially stable, etc. none of which would have helped. But he has kept in touch and he supports you.

do you have children?

Chances are it's her that puts the effort into their relationship with your half siblings.

Thank you for the replies. Yes he has kept in touch, and I do appreciate that it must be difficult to visit all four of his children, myself and my sibling are slightly further away, but not much at all. And that my step mum will probably be driving this.
Yes older children who get on well with them.

I was the last to visit them in December. He hasn't mentioned (today) if they were thinking of coming over.

I'm afraid you're not alone in having a somewhat disinterested Dad. Obviously it would be nice if I could say, "Oh, I was in the same situation but I did X and now I feel very supported and cared about" but, eh, no. I could say a lot of the things you said.

I did come to terms with it after considering DF's own childhood, which was VERY short on nurturing in general (and therefore on nurturing and close father figures).

Richard Dawkins might say that Dads who concentrated on getting their younger kids to survive until adulthood (once their older ones were safely grown up and able to sprog) improved their chances of passing on their genes...

Thank you @Fenella123 He is physically very loving when we're together. Affectionate and attentive.(I've always found him to be a bit different on the phone though.) Saying that though I'm not a big fan of speaking on the phone either. We always have a good laugh when we're together. I try to think life's too short to worry unless it's something major, even then if I'm distracted I'm fine. Sometimes you just need to be with family. So I don't think he'll be thiking that I'm always miserable. Maybe they've got a lot on themselves, they said they were fine, but people don't always say do they.

My dad literally makes plans to go out if I go and see my parents, he hasn't been to my home since 2011! No wonder I'm in intense therapy...

@Dimebag10M oh I'm sorry, that's so mean. Hope you can sort things with him. Maybe I'm over thinking my situation.

If I was in an area with bad coverage, I wouldn't phone again either, no point getting cut off all the time. You had already had a chat. I wouldn't be bothered by that.

My dad isn't overly involved either though, so I know the pain. You know that meme, always make time to answer your dad's calls as one day he won't be there to call ...my dad hasn't called me in years.

Don't ever think that your problems are insignificant just because someone has been through worse - your feelings are valid and you matter...

@Testng123 thank you, this is what I was unsure of. I felt is was very unusual of my dad, he's very old fashioned and polite and would normally call back when he could. Maybe he just wanted to get in and settled. If that was me I'd call back, we were in the middle of a conversation, but fair enough, maybe he wasn't in the mood for my woes.
Yes true about the meme. Sorry about your dad. X

Just here to say I understand.

My Dad sees his step children and their children all the time, but sees me about every couple of months - even though we live close. He has to lie about seeing us sadly as my stepmother does not like him seeing family. He is, however, a grown man, so ultimately the choice is his.

My kids, 16, have never been to grandad's house, same with my brother and his kids, yet the stepkids and kids practically live there.

I'm 50 now and this has been the situation since they met. It still hurts, but as pp says, I try to focus on what he does do, and try not to take it to heart, but it's hard and I empathise.

@Dimebag10M thank you. I'm a sensitive soul really.

@middleagerThank you for your kind words. I'm sorry about your situation, strange how some people are in life and shame for those involved.