did I go to far?

[IWentToFar]

Background: MIL is NC with one of my SILs, due to drama on both of their parts. Niece went NC due to drama with mil with all the family but recently started talking to her again but nobody else.

She told me last night she's now started speaking to my other SIL and it upset me as my DC has been crying that he missed niece and not one of them has tried to ask her to contact my dc even though we weren't involved in the drama.
MIL uses my car when I'm not using it which is a lot as I don't like driving. Today we were out this afternoon as DH was trying to cheer me up over what MIL told me.
We get a phone call off her saying we need to get back because she needs the car said we'd be half hour and she had a attitude on the phone. One of dc attitude Instantly changes from relaxed to worried as he overheard the phone call and said he wanted to go straight home.
We get home and she gets in the car and doesn't speak to any of us and drives off. She comes back annoyed saying it's not fair on her, if we go out we should go earlier in the morning.
DH tells her she needs to speak to dc as she's upset him, and she started screaming & shouting saying we're turning it around on her and went to throw her phone at DH.

She went to leave carrying on shouting at DH and obviously at this point I was upset and tried to explain we went out late because I've not been out in two weeks and was upset about last night and DH was trying to cheer me up, she wouldn't let me speak saying we're turning it around on her making her the bad person and I stupidly said "no wonder nobody wants to talk to you when you behave like this."

Was I out of order? I feel awful but we do so much for her give her money, sort her bills with the companies etc and she always seems to get into weird strops with us even though the rest of dhs siblings don't help her and we do.

Was I out of order?
No.
But your poor kids having to have this awful drama in their lives. Put yourself in their shoes.

Did she buy the car? Is it her car?

Assuming the answer is no tell her she works around you and if she doesn't like it then tough.

In fact I'd say on reflection after today's episode to forget it. No access to the car, and no you won't be discussing it further.

I have and we haven't had an argument with any of his family bar once 5 years ago which the dc weren't present for. It's only this once I got angry as she wouldn't speak to dc and went to throw her phone at DH.

No it's not her car. She won't have access to it after her behaviour today I doubt she'll even speak to us as she'll say what I said was horrible.

Sorry to be clear, no you were not out of order. She sounds entitled and you need to set boundaries. Prioritise yourself and your dc. Husband needs to support this.

Stop prioritising your mil.

She will talk to you soon enough when she wants something. Try to have a nice evening and enjoy your family.

it's your car? but she's annoyed with you that she can't use it when she wants. I'd tell her to get her own car

She needs to get her own car, it does stress me out when I think "I need to go out at x time and be back for her." And it does get me down as I feel like I can't go out for the day and I know this isn't bloody normal.
And it's not fair on dc either.

Your right she'll turn up again at some point, I just feel awful I don't deal with confrontation very well.

Stop being a doormat with the car. Get the keys back off her later and tell her that's the end of it and she'll have to get a bus or taxi in future - why should you have to plan when to use your own car? She can't just demand you come home because she wants to use it cheeky mare!

This woman sounds so entitled and like she loves a bit of drama - she'll end up with no one if that's how she carries on

She is rather entitled she once told me DH should give her money for all the money she spent on him growing up, but she never asks the sisters for money or help.

I think maybe his family have eroded my self esteem over the years.

She sounds like a bit of an arsehole to be honest. No you didn't go too far and don't go feeling bad and backing down. She is not entitled to demand your car and dictate to you. Her attitude stinks and if you do hear from her again tell ShakespearesBlister thinks is no wonder nobody talks to her as well!

I would have shut this down at 'I need the car' with 'you can't borrow it today, I'm using it'.

You dealt with it perfectly well. You called her out. Good for you. Tell her if she wants to use the car again she needs to pay half the service, MOT, tax and insurance.

This all sounds bizzare.
Ignore her if she asks to borrow the car unless it’s convenient for you.

She doesn't ask she just assumes it okay I have to tell her when I'm using the car to stop what happened today but today I didn't say as I had other things on my mind it's just ridiculous the more I write this down. I'm not even her daughter ffs. My own mum wouldn't treat me any like this.

Stop all access to your car.

More importantly, focus on DC - if he is getting upset about the in-laws, you have to shield him. He should not be crying about not seeing a cousin (is it his cousin? - not quit clear). You need to fill his life with play dates and friends and fun activities, and not let any family drama get anywhere near him.