Bedroom problems

ttc2603 · 2023-01-21T16:03:25+00:00

Just want some advice as he says he is attracted to me but of course he's gonna say that because I'm his girlfriend. Basically my boyfriend can't stay hard, for example if we're doing bits (not sex) it don't stay hard and also even if we have sex it's not always hard it's like a semi. We can still manage to have sex but I just don't see why he only gets a semi? We've been together 3 years and we're both young so I don't think it's ED we've just had a baby and of course I feel a bit self conscious and this is making it worse. Anyone else's boyfriend struggled with this and anything to help it. He says I'm his first time aswell we both lost our virginity to each other well he says. It's been like it since we first got together so I'm thinking is it me or just a problem he has.

EvenMoreFuriousVexation · 21/01/2023 16:08

In a young man (I'm assuming he's under 30) it's most likely to be either lifestyle factors (smoking, drinking, drugs, obesity, stress, medication) or too much wanking.

Does he get morning wood? If not then I'd suggest it's most likely a physical issue.

Original poster

ttc2603 · 21/01/2023 16:08

Also to add we both have high sex drives so we do it often but i still feel as tho he isn't attracted to me and is just getting his needs out the way, instead of actually wanting to do it with me

OP posts:

Original poster

ttc2603 · 21/01/2023 16:10

EvenMoreFuriousVexation · 21/01/2023 16:08

In a young man (I'm assuming he's under 30) it's most likely to be either lifestyle factors (smoking, drinking, drugs, obesity, stress, medication) or too much wanking.

Does he get morning wood? If not then I'd suggest it's most likely a physical issue.

He don't smoke,drink or take medication. I don't think he masturbates a lot only when we're not together as we have sex often. He does get morning wood so I know it does work and not a physical thing.

OP posts:

Original poster

ttc2603 · 21/01/2023 16:11

EvenMoreFuriousVexation · 21/01/2023 16:08

In a young man (I'm assuming he's under 30) it's most likely to be either lifestyle factors (smoking, drinking, drugs, obesity, stress, medication) or too much wanking.

Does he get morning wood? If not then I'd suggest it's most likely a physical issue.

Also he's healthy, he goes gym and works out often so I don't understand

OP posts:

Joey69 · 21/01/2023 16:14

Just because he young it doesn’t mean he cannot have ED, the veins that supply the penis are incredibly fine.
He needs a GP visit & maybe a urologist referral

Original poster

ttc2603 · 21/01/2023 16:16

Joey69 · 21/01/2023 16:14

Just because he young it doesn’t mean he cannot have ED, the veins that supply the penis are incredibly fine.
He needs a GP visit & maybe a urologist referral

How do I suggest him going to a GP we've had so many arguments over it and he said it makes him feel insecure whenever I bring it up. So I want to try and suggest it in a nice way not a way that makes him think I'm trying to be a bitch.

OP posts:

category12 · 21/01/2023 16:18

I'm not sure why you're taking it personally as him not being attracted to you - he's with you for a reason. If you're not happy about the way you look, have him stay home sometimes while you go to the gym.

But this is a him problem, not you. It's something about HIS confidence or HIS body, not you.

Original poster

ttc2603 · 21/01/2023 16:21

category12 · 21/01/2023 16:18

I'm not sure why you're taking it personally as him not being attracted to you - he's with you for a reason. If you're not happy about the way you look, have him stay home sometimes while you go to the gym.

But this is a him problem, not you. It's something about HIS confidence or HIS body, not you.

I'm not a insecure person until I got into a relationship with him. I am happy with how I look and I personally think he's lucky to be with me (not to be vain) but It just makes me think could it be me. Maybe it is just a problem he has as he is insecure so maybe that could be the reason.🤷🏻‍♀️

OP posts:

Freshair87 · 21/01/2023 16:34

Have a Google on death grip, it's most likely that!

category12 · 21/01/2023 16:36

I can understand that it makes you feel bad and undesirable, because it's pushed that men are always up for it and their erections are proof of their desire - but it's a lot of pressure on blokes and isn't the reality for many.

As a young man, he should be able to get & maintain erections and have a relatively short refractory period - so it's likely he has an underlying health or psychological issue.

Arguing over it or taking it as an insult isn't going to help. Of course if he's so sensitive about it that you can't raise it without it making him feel worse, it's a bit of a self-perpetuating problem. But I'd ask him to go to the GP, to rule out any underlying issue, not assume that because he appears fit & healthy there's nothing else going on.

nc1013 · 21/01/2023 16:37

A whole 31 mins after the initial post. Was wondering how long this would take 🙄

determinedtomakethiswork · 21/01/2023 16:38

nc1013 · 21/01/2023 16:37

A whole 31 mins after the initial post. Was wondering how long this would take 🙄

What do you mean?

lottie198 · 21/01/2023 16:40

I think if it's something made a deal of or an argument it's probably making it worse. He's probably really aware of it so therefore cannot get fully hard.
It could be hormonal/ED problem.
I think you probably have some insecurities about yourself (understandable , we all do) but that doesn't mean he's not attracted to you.

Joey69 · 21/01/2023 17:02

@ttc2603
ED in younger men ( under 40), is not uncommon, but more often linked to psychological issues rather than actual physical issues ( as with us older guys), it could still simply be that he is feeling insecure because you are having arguments around this issue.

Maybe you could try a different approach, ED is often seen as precursor to heart issues (in older men at least), if he a young father then he certainly needs a GP check to make sure everything is working how it should, ( it probably is ), he might get prescribed some ED meds that might help get things working again.

www.healthline.com/health/erectile-dysfunction/young-men#what-is-ed

Yellowflowerr · 21/01/2023 17:27

OP for a lot of younger guys who have struggle maintaining an erection it is often a psychological one. They may get in their head and lose confidence in their ability, and then over time this can build (especially if it happens most or every time). To help improve things try to take some of the pressure off sex, focus instead on what feels good for both of you, rather than making sex all about penile-vaginal sex, this may also take some of the pressure off yourself. Without the pressure and instead focus on just having fun and not expecting anything, you both may feel better. Communication is key. It’s probably not also helping if he knows you are self-conscious as that would only add to his pressure etc

JimDixon · 21/01/2023 21:14

determinedtomakethiswork · 21/01/2023 16:38

What do you mean?

Show quote history

On threads like this you can usually guarantee someone will reply with "Too much porn", "Death grip" and "I'm sorry but he's gay!" within the first few minutes.

Watchkeys · 21/01/2023 22:13

So I want to try and suggest it in a nice way not a way that makes him think I'm trying to be a bitch

Sorry, but if you think that trying to talk to him calmly about an issue in your sex life is going to result in you being viewed as a bitch, you ought not to be in the relationship at all. Loving partners don't respond to anything by thinking their partner is a bitch, however difficult or personal the conversation might be.

user06221 · 21/01/2023 23:06

I don't have much advice as such, but just wanted to say that it's not you that's the issue. I know it can feel like it is. I've been there before, although it only happened the once, and it made me feel like he wasn't attracted to me. But that's not the case.

What concerns me though is that you say it's been this way since you first started having sex. It certainly needs addressing, and in a healthy adult relationship, you should be able to communicate and discuss it so he can get the help he needs for it. It might be something simple, but it also might not be a serious medical issue.

TrishM80 · 21/01/2023 23:06

OP, just throwing this out there as a possibility. You say you're post baby. Did you have a vaginal delivery and how long ago was it? I see there's people saying this chap should go to GPs, urologists, you name it, for what for him must be an extremely sensitive issue. But if he's going from having sex from a pre-birth vagina to a post-birth vagina, it's going to feel very different for him. Especially if you're the only woman he's ever had sex with, it's something he would never have experienced before. It mightn't be a physical problem with him at all, he might just need more time to get used to it. There are also tightening exercises that can be done.

TrishM80 · 21/01/2023 23:09

TrishM80 · 21/01/2023 23:06

OP, just throwing this out there as a possibility. You say you're post baby. Did you have a vaginal delivery and how long ago was it? I see there's people saying this chap should go to GPs, urologists, you name it, for what for him must be an extremely sensitive issue. But if he's going from having sex from a pre-birth vagina to a post-birth vagina, it's going to feel very different for him. Especially if you're the only woman he's ever had sex with, it's something he would never have experienced before. It mightn't be a physical problem with him at all, he might just need more time to get used to it. There are also tightening exercises that can be done.

Sorry, I see you said it's been like this since you first got together......

But if you both have high sex drives, does this problem happen ALL the time or just sometimes?

bigmommy22 · 16/06/2023 11:51

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OrlandointheWilderness · 16/06/2023 17:52

How are you approaching this with him? You say you argue about it - what is being said on both sides?
Also if he didn't fancy you he wouldn't get it up in the first place!
He may need to see the gp.
Does he take drugs at all?

nubby26 · 16/06/2023 17:55

OrlandointheWilderness · 16/06/2023 17:52

How are you approaching this with him? You say you argue about it - what is being said on both sides?
Also if he didn't fancy you he wouldn't get it up in the first place!
He may need to see the gp.
Does he take drugs at all?

This post was from months ago but everything is resolved now, we had a talk and conversation about it and he said it was all the arguing. (Was a tough time especially after a new baby) but no problems since! Sex life is better than it has ever been :)

OrlandointheWilderness · 16/06/2023 17:57

Oh god sorry, I didn't see the date on it!
Pleased it has all resolved for you. Have fun! 😜