Second time round, later in life, after divorce- how long have you dated before engagement?

[piddocktrumperiness]

If you are married, later in life for the second time round, how long did you date before getting engaged?

I've been with DP for nearly 3 yrs and am frequently asked by friends and family about when the wedding is going to be. I'm in my 40's, divorced, grown up kids and so I don't think 3 yrs is too long? But my friends are all in marriages where they met and married their partners pretty young. I've heard some say if a proposal doesn't take place by 3 yrs it's a sign he's not bothered at all?

We've talked about marriage when we first met and both want it but life has. thrown so many things at us such a change in career for him, him moving home, family illness and loss on his side that I thought it probably is not the right time to be bringing this up.

So I am a little curious to see if other women were in my position and how long you dated before getting engaged?

At second time around/older, shouldn't it be how long before marriage? If that is what you want, of course. But an "engagement" is pretty meaningless without a definite plan for marriage very soon afterwards.
Or just don't bother, & continue in unwedded bliss!

I came off the pill on the 28th December and have had sex near enough everyday since coming off with zero protection. I haven't had a period as of yet and tests still say negative but getting sligh symptoms like nipples being sore, appetite is huge etc. Has anyone done this and had a BFP? :(

@Hbh17 Yes thank you that is what I meant :)

There are times where I starfish in my big bed, look around my room and wonder what is wrong with having more of this? A loving partner and relationship, but where I get to also have my own little world?

The question of engagement, as I type this, I think on some deep level, is an ego thing, it is one that is questioning whether I will be abandoned again: Us planning ahead, progressing or committing might be on some level, more safe and secure for me and therefore I can feel safe to be more me, and give more? That he isn't taking me for a ride, that my love thus far has not gone in vain, that I, this time have not been taken advantage of. Even though, rationally that's ridiculous as someone who has gone through the biggest of commitments to only see it end.

And hearing from some that potentially, after 3 yrs, one should know for sure and therefore should be proposing triggers the "is he really going to stay?" wound

I had my first marriage from 20 to 33, met my second husband at 34 who was also just out of a long first marriage. I was 37 when we got engaged, 38 when we got married and 39 when we had a baby!!

5 years. There is no rule that you have to get married again. If I had my time again I probably wouldn't.

There's no way to guarantee that anyone will stick around, that's the risk you take when you decide to date/be in a relationship.

Met aged 42 and 46, moved in to a new home together after almost 2 years, never got engaged but got married 5.5 years after meeting. Now over 12 years together and he's stuck with me for the rest of his life

I don’t think I’d bother getting engaged if it was 2nd time around. Just get married if you want and it feels right.

Five years here too. We both needed to be sure.

I married my first husband 9 months after we met. We were engaged after 3 months. Both in our early 20s. We were married for 23 years, 3 kids.
I was single for 5 years when we split up then met my second husband. We dated for about a year and then decided to get married. We married 6 months later and have been married for over 11 years now. At the time I wasn't particularly thinking about getting married again but he hadn't been married before and it was his idea. We lived in separate cities - about an hour apart - so getting married did make life simpler

@piddocktrumperiness very similar situation here - I'm mid 40s, teenage kids, been with new partner for 3 years, he lives 2 hours away and has a teenager too so see each other every other weekend and hols.
I get the same comments and questions, and also have that same feeling of, hmm, I do like my little space, do I really want to permanently live with someone again (Probably, but not sure).
I don't have any advice as in similar situation but I do feel it's good to ignore the comments, which I find slightly creepy and trying to kind of 'social norm' you because it's more acceptable to be a married couple, and kind of hinting that your relationship isn't valid unless it's a marriage. Since I was married for ages and only divorced last year, I am pretty nervy about jumping back in to that kind of commitment (not to mention assets, wills, kids etc). The romantic dream is lovely but again, I have reservations. We have also not discussed it clearly, basically said he will move to my area once his son is studying, but that is 4 years away! I think 5 years or more is perfectly reasonable and there is no hurry.. Another aspect is a lot of my friends are still in their original marriage, tbh many are not that happy, and they are intrigued and maybe a bit confused or even slightly despising me for being divorced (not openly or nastily but I think it opens up questions). So try to ignore others and just enjoy time with your partner and I presume that when the right time to marry comes, you will both know it and not spoil the relationship by injecting others's expectations..

99 victoria, out of interest, did he move to you or you to him?

Well given my DP is still married, then probably quite a long time close to never 😂 He is adamant he doesn't want to marry again and only did for his wife as it was her life ambition apparently 🙄

Having come through a divorce myself, I'm not bothered about the whole thing. I wanted to get married due to financial protection and kids, but that ship has sailed. I'd be more worried now about losing my financial independence

My DP and I still live separately after 7 years (both single parents so right answer for the kids) we will be moving in together in the next year but have no plans to marry.

We don't see the point and actually it's more beneficial to stay single due to our circumstances and ambitions.

We are both 50.

If I'm honest I am looking forward to living together but definitely going to miss having my bed to myself most of the time.

I absolutely love it being just me and my DD14 most of the time but he brings more to my life than I'll lose.

I just don't see why being married it such a big deal later in life. It's important if you have kids together and the financial security etc but later in life not so much.

I wouldn't get engaged again if I'd dated him for 100 years. I have too much to lose.

I've not meet my next potential husband yet, but if I ever did I'm not sure I would marry again. Divorce is hard and expensive and I want all my assets on my death to go to my DC. I'm also wary of the blended family thing but I'm of the age where the men who never married/had children are strange/smelly/got issues so I feel I'm very unlikely to ever go up the aisle again

Almost 6 years before we decided to get married which will happen next year, so just over 7 years on from meeting him. (I don’t consider myself engaged, it has the air of reserving something in a shop so no one else can buy it…) I feel very secure in our relationship regardless of marriage but it cements it & makes things a little easier in case of poor health etc. really what tipped us over the edge is how keen our DCs are on the idea. We’re not doing it for them but knowing they were really behind it certainly nudged the decision over the line! Very aware of needing to make sure that we’re really clear about how we want inheritance to be organised etc though.

First marriage was 22 years. Two years afree divorce I met my now dh. I had one 18 year old offspring. He had 3 sons living with him. He was also divorced. I was 48, he was 43. We eventually knew we'd get married sometime but wanted kids to be settled, finish uni etc. No rush. I also wanted to be very sure. After 8 years I rented out my house and moved in with him. we married one year later. I didn't feel an engagement was important but the month before the small wedding he bought me a ring. We got married at 3 months notice. It's now 25 years since we met. Still perfect.

First marriage was 25 years.

I was with my second husband for five years before we got married, we were married for the best 7 months I just wish we could've had longer.