Being abused by my wife

[Helpm]

Hi I don’t know if I will get e reply back but just wanted some different opinions my wife becomes very abusive move she has had a drink and is becoming violent now over simple things, we have been married for 5 years now and I’m at a point I don’t know what to do any more. When she hits me and tries to smash up my things I try to stop her but I refuse to retaliate but I have to push her away from me which makes her worse.!I just want to get out the house to de escalate the situation. It’s so hard trying to get my clothes on and shoes while she is punching and kicking me. Am I wrong in pushing her away to try and escape which only makes her worse and come at me even more.
Im not perfect but I hate it when she is abusive like this and I’m always treading on egg shells when around her in fear of what she will say or do next. She constantly says she will end me and not to go to sleep as she will finish m. II have started recording her as she tells people that I am abusive to her and it’s me that is the problem which I hate having to do. We have a 4 year old Beautiful daughter and I can’t take this anymore and I dont know what to do. The only thing stopping me from doing anything silly is the thought of my daughter not having a dad in her life
this is so painful and I feel so lost 😢it brings me to tears every time I think about it

Sorry this sounds really awful. You need professional help and support. You need to protect yourself and your tiny daughter asap. Do you have any RL support? Does your wife work? Who cares for your DD? How often does your wife drink? Do NOT let her know you are posting or trying to access support.

Leave the bitch

So sorry this is happening to you Helpm. Is she abusive to your daughter? Actually even if she isnt directly..... your daughter will be witnessing it which is awful in itself. Sorry I have nothing useful to say but well done on making the first steps to try and get help. x

Get help, get out.

www.mankind.org.uk/

contact any domestic violence abuse charity.
If she hits you again call the police.

I am very concerned for your dd. She will witnessing and aborbing this behaviour as a normal (or at least her normal) relationship dynamic. She could also be caught in the cross fire when older. Please get yourself some help. I know male to female domestic violence is more prevalent but the reverse is also taken very seriously. Coming on here can hopefully be the beginning of a better life for the 3 of you… or at least for you and your dd.

The only advice I have is… secretly record the physical fights using a voice note recording app, so when you leave this sick abuser, she will not get favourable custody. back everything up to the cloud in case of possible phone smashing. get a good family law solicitor. good luck 😓

www.mankind.org.uk/

I'm sorry you are going through this, its not your fault.

Continue to record her outbursts.
Contact mankind who will give you sound advice.
Protect your daughter.
If you were a woman everyone would say take your daughter and go to a refuge/friend.

I think you are probably afraid to do anything in case she turns and accuses you of abuse.

Wishing you a positive outcome.

Get out of this situation any way you can.

She has put you (and your dd) in a very difficult situation. Record everything you can. Unfortunately she will almost certainly say you attacked her. Defending yourself will be spun as you attacking her unless she actually tries to injure/kill you. And make plans to leave. If you think your daughter is in direct danger than take her with you. If your not sure than perhaps a non violence order against your wife. Regardless you can't stay in this environment.

This

This is awful, the thought of anyone living like this (male, female, whatever) makes me ill. You have had your life threatened, you need to leave. Can you take your daughter with you?

This is so bad. Please leave with your daughter. Do you have any friends or family you could stay with for a while until you get somewhere proper sorted?

My mum used to be like this when I was a kid. She'd get drunk and batter every boyfriend she had. Then just anyone she didn't agree with. Police would be at ours most weeks and in the end she went to prison.

It's not fair on your daughter to have to see this and it's not fair on you to have to deal with it.

You are wrong staying with her. Your child will still have a dad. You can parent separately. Your relationship with the child and your relationship with her mother are not the same thing.

Secretly and discreetly contact as many official organisations as you can and get the abuse on record, that could be important evidence when it comes to contact/ residency arrangements for your DD. Ring domestic abuse charities, talk to gp or DD's health visitor, call the police. Then make your plan to leave.

You should seriously consider taking your DD with you. She is already been emotionally damaged by seeing this abuse, and it could easily be turned towards her when your not around. Even if there's no direct abuse, your DD's mum won't be in any state to look after her if she's regularly drinking to that extent.

Find somewhere safe for you and DD to live, your local council may be able to help as you can't safely stay where you are, so are effectively homeless. If no any cheep rental you can afford, even 1 bed flat, will still be better then a fancy house with abuse in it.

Run and never look back. Take daughter with you along with your evidence of vids ect and get a restraining order out on the abusive bitch, further more call the police.

You need to get your child out of that OP. Make a start.

How involved are you in your dd life?
id start there and ensure that it is very clear you are a very involved father. Picking up from school/cm/afterschool club, connecting with school, who are her friends, play date etc etc…
Then leave and expect 50/50 care if your dd.

Being divorced doesn’t mean you’ll never be in your dd life.
You can be an active father whilst divorced.

Dont accept the abuse.

You need to leave.
I'm so sorry you're experiencing this.

I'm so sorry you are going through this.

Please seek help & support and please start making a plan for leaving. Think of finances, custody, childcare around work, where yous will live etc.

In the job that I do I have heard quite a few cases of female to male abuse now. It's more common than people think.

Please don't put up with this, for your own sake and for your daughters. This is so damaging to her and will cause alot of difficulties as she grows, in particular, mental illness/disorders.

And remember you can always go to the police but before you do try to get as much evidence against her as possible.

Your life and your daughters life does not have to be this way. There is a way out.

I think your first step is to follow the link previous posters have given you and give them a call for some advice then take it from there.

Wishing you all the best.

Record it and speak to a mens fv charity. Don't leave your dd in her full care. Either take her with you and inform ss what you are doing and why (you need to press charges with the police for this) or get an order keeping her out the house.