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Original poster

Would you sell your house?

28 replies

TomAllenWife · 20/01/2023 21:07

Sorry will try and keep this brief

Me & DP have been together 5 years
We're engaged
He runs his own successful business
'We' bought a house that's turned into a money pit
He's put a large amount of money into it
I want to put some in

I have about £200k equity in my home
But my financial advisor says I'll only be able to release £60k due to affordability

I have 3 DC, only one still dependent (13)

I bought my exh out of this house when we divorced, which with hindsight I probs should have moved but the dcs were younger and this was the only house they'd ever lived in and I wanted the stability

So my question is, do I cash out and sell my house?
I trust DP 100% with money & being fair because I've seen how he is with his ex wife and other people

Or do I keep my safety net?

OP posts:
TakeABite · 20/01/2023 22:51

No.
Not after reading all the horror stories on here from women totally screwed over. It also happened to my DM & a sibling is going through a very nasty split and things are not being worked out financially how they were contributed.
The nicest, fairest DP can turn nasty and petty when hurting due to a split.
Unless you can get something legal, that ensures you get it all back, don’t risk it. This is your DC’s home.

TilesAndPoop · 20/01/2023 22:56

No, he’s a DP not even a husband.
Also, if this property is a money pit what makes you think sinking more into it is a good idea? It still might not work out even after you add £60k.

People change and i’m sure if he is as nice as you think he is, there will be no problem with you NOT selling your home to fund this dubious investment.

DosCervezas · 20/01/2023 22:59

Do not put a penny into the new house without legal advice and protections such as being included as at least tenants in common.
Too many people get rinsed by being too trusting and naive by someone they never expected would do so.

surlycurly · 20/01/2023 23:01

Absolutely not. I will never trust another man with my money, no matter how wonderful or reliable (and I'm lucky enough to have met a few that fit that description but still). You absolutely never know what is around the corner. My very independent gran uses to say to keep your hand on your ha'penny. I think it had a double meaning but in this case, I absolutely would.

MyBloodyMaryneedsmoreTabasco · 20/01/2023 23:02

Absolutely no way.

uncomfortablydumb53 · 21/01/2023 01:03

No way

barmycatmum · 21/01/2023 01:11

Keep your safety net

ZeldaWillTellYourFortune · 21/01/2023 01:32

No way!

And sorry but "trusting DP 100 percent " has ruined many a life.

Aprilx · 21/01/2023 02:57

I never have and never will mingle my finances with somebody that I am not prepared to marry or is not prepared to marry me. So, it’s a no from me too.

ZekeZeke · 21/01/2023 04:40

Agree with everyone else.
Protect your money.
You don't have the security of marriage, if you break up you will have fcuk all.

emptythelitterbox · 21/01/2023 06:56

Why doesn't he sell the money pit?

WhoNeedsSleepNotISaidMyBody · 21/01/2023 07:01

How much if a day did you get in buying this house?

how is it owned?

Zanatdy · 21/01/2023 07:09

So you bought the house together, but not? Whose name is it in? Everyone here will automatically say no, as it’s ok when something is just a theory. But assume you want a long term relationship with this man? How would your DC feel about moving in with him, into this house which sounds like needs a lot doing to it.

I think I’d rather keep the house and rent it out, and remortgage to release some money for the other house if you really want to put some money in. Assume you’re not living in it and not living together? What’s the long term plan? 5yrs is quite a while, is he intending to ask you to marry him?

MRex · 21/01/2023 07:21

If you put money in, then you need to be given a share of the house legally, with a change in the title deeds. It doesn't sound like a great idea to throw good money after bad on a money pit though. Do you rent out your current houde? What will you do without that income? Why can't DP sell the money pit so you can buy a joint home?

Twiglets1 · 21/01/2023 07:25

If you put money in, make sure it is done so that you legally own a share of the house (if you don't already)

KangarooKenny · 21/01/2023 07:37

No, no, no.

Remona · 21/01/2023 07:44

No way. Keep the security of your own home and do not throw any money into the ‘money pit’.

What I’m confused about is who owns said money pit? You put ‘we’ but there’s clearly doubt about that. Am I right in thinking that the money pit was actually bought by DP and isn’t a joint house at all but he’s trying to get you to put money into it? I bet he is 🙄

monkeysmum21 · 21/01/2023 07:44

Don’t.

Even if he never does anything bad to you, you still have to have your own money where none of his circumstances can touch it. Particularly since you have kids.

Frenchfancy · 21/01/2023 07:48

Engagement is not the same as marriage. Do not sell your house until you have the legal protection of marriage.

Do you and your DC live in your house or the money pit? If you still live in your house then stay to give your DC stability.

Theunamedcat · 21/01/2023 07:52

Don't

Just because he was fair to others doesn't mean he will be fair to you

Using my ex as an example during our marriage he was very vocal about supporting the children very angry my ex chose not to support his child and abandon her was adamant if we split he would never ever do this and for a time he was (briefly) true to his word then he started messing about lying to people that he was paying I was being greedy people believed him because of how he was in the past people turned on me because I now had two failed relationships with them having little to do with there children it MUST be me I went through CSA he quit his job he hasn't paid a thing for months yet he is the good guy

No-one believes how he acts

Catlady2021 · 21/01/2023 07:58

Also bear in mind he might be fair to his ex and his own children, but his loyalty may not be the same with yours. Your children are not his children and you are not married to him.

millymollymoomoo · 21/01/2023 10:48

Well if you sell and buy with your dp just make sure you put a deed of trust in place, hold as tenants in common and specify the % of owner you both have. That way your investment is protected

Trees6 · 21/01/2023 15:04

Talk to a solicitor before doing anything.

MintJulia · 21/01/2023 15:07

No. You are responsible for providing a secure home for your children. Do not jeopardise that until they are grown and able to support themselves.

You aren't married. Without your own house, you could end up on the streets.

Sorry, I know that's not very romantic, but it's true. Don't do it.

Original poster
TomAllenWife · 22/01/2023 11:11

@millymollymoomoo that's what we would do
Get something in place legally that details the % of ownership and what we've put in.

He's not just fair with his ex, he helped me out with my debt no strings attached
He helped out his friend who was sick and couldn't work

I'm not saying he's perfect but he is fair and decent

OP posts: