Is it normal for DP to watch other women on Youtube?

[Onlydreams789]

Apologies if this is a bit of a long read but I guess I’m looking for some advice..
My partner and I recently had a baby (DD is 6m old) and our sex life is pretty much non existent, I admit I am always tired (being a parent is bloody exhausting!) however my DP always seems to be in the mood and tries it on with me whenever he gets a chance (he says he loves me dearly and finds me incredibly attractive)
Yesterday I was searching for a song on Youtube on our TV when I came across his history which left me utterly disgusted. He has been watching videos of other women, they are mostly naked, doing bikini/lingerie hauls, all of them young and beautiful looking. He has also been watching videos of other women breastfeeding with their boobs out, clearly recording themselves for likes/attention (very odd to be watching it, he wasn’t into it when I was breastfeeding so it can’t be a fetish?)
As soon as he got back from work I went off on one and basically accused him of being a disgusting pervert. He admitted that he has been watching these videos for quiet some time, he said he is just bored and that we are both stuck in a bit of a rut and he’s just looking for excitement. He did also say that he doesn’t get off on it, he just watches it because it comes up and “it’s something to do” but he realises it’s totally unacceptable, he promised to never do it again and make things right.
Now, is this normal for men to watch stuff like this? I am so deeply hurt by his actions, I appreciate this may not be a big deal to some (at least he hasn’t cheated) but my self esteem is shattered at this point. For context I am 15 years younger than him so I find it shocking that he’s looking at other women.
AIBU?

I don’t know what to say to make you feel better. I get it about being tired and not feeling sexual. Been there for a long time - as had two difficult pregnancies/babies.
As to men. With benefit of time and perspective - I can say that it’s unrealistic to expect any partner to be at the same exact point of low libido, just because we are there.
It applies equally to men and women and isn’t limited to post baby dip.
So, inevitably - when one partner is suddenly low on libido for an extended time, while the other is in their normal state - of course people can get frustrated. And when we do - of course we notice sexualised images. It can be on a screen, or in real life around us.

So - yes - to answer your question - it is normal.
Wont make it any easier and you will still feel hurt as we all probably would.

As far as digressions go - I don’t think this is anywhere close to LTB.
In some ideal world - you’d want him to suppress his libido until yours comes back. But in reality - it doesn’t work like that.
He should have been more discreet and not let you see it - it’d have been best for all concerned.

I don't think it's particularly shocking, although understandably upsetting for you. I'm more relaxed about this kind of thing than most though I'll admit. I just see it as having an itch he needs to scratch sometimes and it can be a bit of escapism when times are tough. It doesn't make it right in a relationship if you're not happy about it.

Possibly it's "normal" in that a lot of men may behave like this, but it's certainly not acceptable and is very disrespectful towards you. Particularly the fact that he's choosing to watch videos of other women breastfeeding while you, the mother of his child, have recently being doing just that. How on earth is that anything other than plain weird and disturbing? He's obviously watching for sexual gratification, otherwise he'd just be watching random stuff on any old subject. At this time he should be focused on being a loving and supportive partner and father, not acting in such a selfish way. The fact that you're exhausted (of course you are) isn't an excuse for such sleazy behaviour.

Forgivable- yes of course, but doesn't sound like a normal behaviour.

I mean those women probably get a lot of views on those videos likely from many men like your DP. It's creepy but I don't think it's particularly perverted to watch women in underwear.

The breastfeeding one is more perverted but, again, I don't think out of the realms of fairly normal for men. At the top end maybe.

He’s obviously frustrated sexually (not blaming you, it’s hard when you’ve got a young baby) but most men would watch porn not videos like that. I would find it a bit odd the breastfeeding ones (are you bf?). My BF watches a fair amount of porn which doesn’t bother me at all, but it doesn’t affect our sex life as we are in the early stages of relationship but can’t always see each other due to kids etc. If he was watching stuff like that as we weren’t having sex for some reason I’d find it odd, whereas porn no I wouldn’t.

Why do you care if it's 'normal'? If it was, would that mean, to you, that you should dismiss your feelings?

It doesn't matter what's normal. You're hurt by his actions. He knew it was unacceptable within your relationship and still chose to do it. Why does the behaviour of other men make any difference to these things?

I think you're trying to minimise your feelings.

If you had a childhood abuser who ate strawberry yoghurts, you might not be able to bear your partner eating strawberry yoghurts in front of you. That would be perfectly valid, and your partner ought to respect that, if he cares about you. It doesn't matter whether it's 'normal' to eat strawberry yoghurts or not; it matters whether your partner respects your feelings and acts accordingly.

Now, is this normal for men to watch stuff like this? I am so deeply hurt by
his actions, I appreciate this may not be a big deal to some (at least he hasn’t cheated) but my self esteem is shattered at this point. For context I am 15 years younger than him so I find it shocking that he’s looking at other women
AIBU

It's not normal in my world. I cant say for others. I would be upset, I would expect a man who loved me would manage to control himself until I was ready for sex again. Theres a reason women get maternity leave and part of that is recovering from the actual birth. I once asked my DP to just stop doing something mundane because every time PTSD hit me, to this day 12 years later, he hasn't done it again. That's care, love, concern whatever you want to call it.

My DP also doesnt watch porn, I think because he likes his women willing, not paid to perform.

So 15 years difference, and how old is he?

Well it is not abnormal in the sense that he is not looking a pics of children but it isn't great. What matters is whether it is acceptable to you.

Some women might think it was, others not - it is your feelings that matter.

You're saying that it's not illegal, not that it's not abnormal. Everybody's perception of normal is different, so what might be normal to one person may not be normal to the next. There are no rules or guidelines. Aside from the legal system, we all make our own rules, and, OP, that's what you need to do.