At what point does it go from friend to something more?

[HPenthusiast]

What would be crossing the line for you if your husband had a female friend they worked with?
Currently going through a very niche situation and don’t know what’s acceptable.

To me it’s very clear where a friendship and an emotional affair differ.

If he wouldn’t be comfortable with you being there and hearing what they talk about, seeing how they interact or reading his messages to her then he’s crossing a line.

Not that you should have to, but it’s more of a self regulation deal. He needs to ask himself if what he’s doing and saying would bother you. And he’ll know the answer to that already.

From your perspective, if you feel the attention, time or investment he’s making in her is disproportionate to the time and affection he has for you, it’s an issue.

The tone of his conversations about her would also indicate to me whether it’s something to be worried about. My new BF has a female best friend who he sees several times a week. They’ve been friends forever, and he’s also friends with her husband. They all go out together (and I’m sure at some point I’ll join them!) and the way he talks about her is much like a sister or a male friend, a bit of piss taking, general (hate the word!) banter, but certainly nothing about her looks, the way she makes him “feel” or how amazing she is!

I don’t know how you can quantify it as you’ll never be party to the whole relationship he has with her but if it’s making you uncomfortable he needs to address it one way or the other.

No one has the same lines. It’s learning what’s comfortable for you and what you want. If you’re uncomfortable, that’s enough basis to talk about it/challenge it/make it clear that’s not what you want/leave.

To some people, your situation would be acceptable. To other people, it wouldn't. There is nobody to tell any of us what's 'acceptable', except for the legal system. As long as the other person isn't breaking the law, you have to decide what is acceptable for you.

You're looking for an external locus of evaluation, which suggests that you follow what other people tell you, rather than following your feelings.

If you were following your feelings, you would be taking action with regard to your discomfort, rather than posting on a forum to find out if it's ok for you to feel discomfort in the first place. People who find their partner's behaviour acceptable don't post on forums to ask if other people find their partner's behaviour acceptable, so the fact that you posted at all tells you how you feel. For future reference, if something makes you feel like you want to 'ask the audience' if it's acceptable or not, then it's not acceptable to you, and you need to act on that to rectify the situation.