Advice not judgement on affair

[Advicenotjudgement]

Looking for advice not judgement. I am in no way condoning what I'm doing. I am having an affair with a man at work, no sex but it's heading that way. Dh is verbally, emotionally and occasionally physically abusive, I am making plans to leave but have nowhere to go right now and 3dc.
I never thought I would be someone to do this, I would have judged others for it.
I have fallen for new man, he says he loves me but aware it may be just words. We spend hours messaging and take every opportunity to be alone.
The big but is I know he doesn't really see a future for us, this was ok with me to start but the more I fall for him the harder it is to accept. If he doesn't message I feel so down, then elated when he does. If he seems even a bit off with me at work I worry what I've done, I overthink things anyway so this is normal for me.
I cannot change jobs at the moment and tbh don't want to for foreseeable.
We get on so well and I would be gutted to lose him as a friend even without anything else. I can talk to him about anything and is the only person I've ever told about my home life.
Has anyone been in a similar situation and can tell me what they did? Don't know if I should suggest just being friends again or see what happens as we are?

Red flag: this man is taking advantage of you in a vulnerable position. He’s got power over you (you mention when he’s a little “off” at work, you worry you’ve done something wrong.)

huge huge red flag. I know it’s hard to hear, but a decent man would not be your sole confidant in a time when you are very vulnerable. A decent man would not be using this time to gain power.

if you can, I would most strongly suggest finding a therapist. You need someone to talk to who doesn’t abuse their position of trust.

I know it doesn’t FEEL like “abuse of power,” but it is.

I learned the hard way, that jumping from an abusive relationship to someone who seems like the knight in shining armor just actually leads to another, maybe more subtly abusive relationship. It’s exactly what I did.

please fiercely protect yourself at this time. This man is not doing something good. His actions are not those of an honorable man.

I think it does matter who created the new scenario. I was aware that I was at least 75% responsible for engineering it, and so felt fairly confident the man in my situation had not picked me off.

Name changed for this,
I was in a similar situation (although not a work colleague).
The emotional affair made me temporarily buoyant and strong, and when ExDH decided to leave me - to teach me a lesson -I let him and felt relieved.
I was high on love and freedom and am ashamed of how I acted, as I considered my needs before my kids during the split. The fallout was awful. ExDH was not a rational man and we had an awful time.
4 years on, kids are actually fine but DS went through heart break and I was part of that and will never forgive myself. I know I wasn't the abusive partner but neither was I innocent. The guilt punches me in the gut even now.
PP advice to take a step back and sort out/leave your marriage first is spot on.
If your relationship with the other guy is meant to be, he will be there for you down the line, but, you need to sort this out alone first.
I am still with the guy I had an emotional affair with, but I find myself resenting him sometimes and remember our early days with a bad taste in my mouth. There are complicated feelings.
Not proud of myself.

Oh sweetheart
this probably isn’t going anywhere but I totally understand why you are escaping

but really you need to focus on ending this relationship
rather than limerence and obsession for this fella

what caused it for me was I called womens aid and it triggered a SS investigation
SS sent me to freedom programme
and then I eventually found the courage

this fling is a distraction and I totally 💯 understand why it’s so compelling
but deep down you know