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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Blindsided by Split Up

12 replies

Carter12 · 19/01/2023 15:29

Hopefully can get some advice as my head is spinning.

Been seeing a girl for five months and everything seemed to be going well.

Had a great date on the Saturday and then on the Thursday bought tickets to a gig in February which she was thought was a great idea.

Started getting ignored on the Sunday and then dumped on the Tuesday saying she wasn't ready for a commitment and needed her own space.

How can it go from looking so good to being off so quickly?

OP posts:
Watchkeys · 19/01/2023 15:39

How can it go from looking so good to being off so quickly

Because she's changeable. How would you expect to know otherwise, when you've only known her 5 months? This is part of getting to know her. Unless you're enjoying this feeling, don't take her back when she comes. She will offer it over and over again.

Silence is dignity. Don't tell her all about who she is or how she needs to be different; she doesn't care what you think. Don't tell her how much she's hurt you; she doesn't care what you feel. Don't ask her to reconsider; you'd be a fool to want her back anyway. Nobody who cared about you would do this to you.

It's harsh and horrible, but at some point, you'll start feeling glad that you got out before you'd got any deeper. Don't waste time trying to figure out why she's changeable. Spend your time doing things to make you feel better.

Original poster
Carter12 · 19/01/2023 16:02

Watchkeys · 19/01/2023 15:39

How can it go from looking so good to being off so quickly

Because she's changeable. How would you expect to know otherwise, when you've only known her 5 months? This is part of getting to know her. Unless you're enjoying this feeling, don't take her back when she comes. She will offer it over and over again.

Silence is dignity. Don't tell her all about who she is or how she needs to be different; she doesn't care what you think. Don't tell her how much she's hurt you; she doesn't care what you feel. Don't ask her to reconsider; you'd be a fool to want her back anyway. Nobody who cared about you would do this to you.

It's harsh and horrible, but at some point, you'll start feeling glad that you got out before you'd got any deeper. Don't waste time trying to figure out why she's changeable. Spend your time doing things to make you feel better.

Certainly not enjoying the feeling. Thanks for replying and the advice

OP posts:
Dillydollydingdong · 19/01/2023 16:07

We're all a slave to our emotions. We haven't actually got any control over them. She's obviously changed her mind about you. Maybe she thought it was going too fast; maybe she met someone else. That's life.

Livelifelaughter · 19/01/2023 16:30

I am sorry to hear this. On MN many might think 5 months is nothing but if you are emotionally invested in a person and see them frequently it is, it's certainly the stage where you are moving from dating to having a relationship. It's sad because she could have had a conversation with you about her needs in a relationship and whether they are compatible with yours. I am sorry.

Zanatdy · 19/01/2023 16:42

sorry to hear. Sounds like she’s got some issues she’s not ready to discuss or doesn’t want to. Give her some space, but I guess it could be over for good. Relationships are not easy, I spent 13yrs single, recently started dating and god it’s so difficult emotionally already!

Original poster
Carter12 · 19/01/2023 17:27

Zanatdy · 19/01/2023 16:42

sorry to hear. Sounds like she’s got some issues she’s not ready to discuss or doesn’t want to. Give her some space, but I guess it could be over for good. Relationships are not easy, I spent 13yrs single, recently started dating and god it’s so difficult emotionally already!

Tell me about it. Good luck with your dating

OP posts:
Eastereggsboxedupready · 19/01/2023 17:29

She may have bottled starting a new relationship.. Sad. But remember you aren't her therapist. Leave her to her decision op..

Whynowffs · 19/01/2023 20:05

It really messes with your head when this happens OP. A guy I'd been seeing for almost 6 months did the exact same thing to me in November, a week after we'd been away on a city break together. Which was perfect, we both thought so.

It's left me heartbroken and I'm only just slowly beginning to feel better. When it's completely out of the blue like this I think it's really difficult to process.

As advised above try not to contact her. I really made myself look an idiot as I asked him to try again, then at Christmas told him how much I miss him. How embarrassing, he's out living his best single life with no care for me. It's tough 😞

Original poster
Carter12 · 19/01/2023 21:52

Whynowffs · 19/01/2023 20:05

It really messes with your head when this happens OP. A guy I'd been seeing for almost 6 months did the exact same thing to me in November, a week after we'd been away on a city break together. Which was perfect, we both thought so.

It's left me heartbroken and I'm only just slowly beginning to feel better. When it's completely out of the blue like this I think it's really difficult to process.

As advised above try not to contact her. I really made myself look an idiot as I asked him to try again, then at Christmas told him how much I miss him. How embarrassing, he's out living his best single life with no care for me. It's tough 😞

Yeah not contacting her will be the hardest thing but seems to be the constant advice. Sadly reached out to her a few times before I started this thread so let myself down there!!!

OP posts:
Whynowffs · 19/01/2023 22:56

@Carter12 it's human instinct to reach out to someone that you were falling for.
I kept hoping that if we were messaging each other that he would tell me he'd made a mistake. Of course he hasn't though, and each time it sets me back.

All of my friends are telling me to block and delete him now in order to protect myself, I think this is really good advice for us both.

Hawkins001 · 19/01/2023 23:00

It's a mix at times, sometimes you never truly know a person even if it's 10+ years ect

Watchkeys · 19/01/2023 23:16

Sadly reached out to her a few times before I started this thread so let myself down there

No you didn't. You did what seemed like the best thing at the time. Now you know different, and it's a lesson well learned. Don't see it as letting yourself down. You're hurt. You're learning. You're a nice person. You know how to love. Don't put yourself down. You've got to be the person who gets you to feel better in all of this. That's not going to happen if you're critical of yourself. Go easy. Be gentle. Be your own support mechanism.

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