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Original poster

Dating

43 replies

Oscarbin · 19/01/2023 15:13

Soooo
Been seeing a bloke since about August time, we have a bit of a argument last night (always busy with work)

He words and says things very straight forward in messages, and can be a bit harsh. I asked if he fancied doing something this week, he said he was busy. But would see me Sunday. I am a bit fed up of the one day a week stuff and I don't think I am his priority which is fair enough, but I ask as I need to arrange childcare. His reply as "look we are dating nothing else"

Am I being over sensitive here? We had the chat last week, that he really likes me and would like to do more things, and then this.

I haven't text him or anything. I'm quite angry. Would u just let him do one?

Nice reply's only

OP posts:
Boroladuk · 19/01/2023 15:16

Good looking man from online dating?

Original poster
Oscarbin · 19/01/2023 15:18

Hahaha no Facebook went to school together

OP posts:
Pinkbonbon · 19/01/2023 15:53

So it's been 4 or 5 months and he isn't your bf? Not only that but he's basically just told you that it's just dating and that's all it us to him. In a properly snotty way.

He's told you you're not a priority and not going to be. I would have expected the relationship talk by now...probably by 3 or 4 months. This guys told you it's not coming...at least not any time soon.

And by the way he spoke to you, I'd take initiative and call it a day. Because he isn't even good just for fun. He stresses you out.

Zanatdy · 19/01/2023 15:58

I’d call it a day. I’ve been seeing someone 2 months and we are now seeing each other not just dating, ie some intention to it not just for fun. I’d drop him as you’re not his priority and whilst that’s ok (I’m not my bf’s first priority as he has kids but I know he’s not just referring to us as dating) I’d want a bit more than what he’s giving you and it’s reasonable to want that

Deathbyfluffy · 19/01/2023 16:02

He sounds like an arse tbh - if he was the 'real deal' he'd be doing more than 1 day at a week at the 6 months mark.

Original poster
Oscarbin · 19/01/2023 16:10

Thank you for that! I thought it as me.

Going end up a lonely cat lady 😂😂

OP posts:
Watchkeys · 19/01/2023 17:45

There's no such thing as too sensitive. You might be too sensitive to have a relationship with someone who isn't careful enough with you, but that's not an objective judgement on you, that's incompatibility. Your level of sensitivity is just where it should be, and your responsibility is to look after yourself, which includes not spending time with people who make you feel you are 'too this' or 'not enough' that. It's not your responsibility to adjust your feelings to fit what someone else thinks is the right level.

Original poster
Oscarbin · 19/01/2023 18:02

It's a massive confidence thing I think with me

OP posts:
Watchkeys · 19/01/2023 18:04

Oscarbin · 19/01/2023 18:02

It's a massive confidence thing I think with me

What is?

Mojoj · 19/01/2023 18:04

I'd be responding "not anymore we're not".

Original poster
Oscarbin · 19/01/2023 18:06

Just the way I feel around men.

I've had some horrible relationships

OP posts:
Watchkeys · 19/01/2023 18:09

Did you put up with stuff you didn't like because you thought it was your fault, or you thought you were wrong to be upset?

kindhandsworking · 19/01/2023 18:09

He's clearly not wanting anything more than once a week dating and quite rude about it. I wouldn't bother with this anymore, after 5 months it's not progressing anywhere. Hope you are still looking to date others?

Original poster
Oscarbin · 19/01/2023 18:25

Watchkeys · 19/01/2023 18:09

Did you put up with stuff you didn't like because you thought it was your fault, or you thought you were wrong to be upset?

I was in a relationship for years with a narcissist, no one ever believed me, only one person. My family basically told me to put up and shut up!

I got out of it, he's leading this amazing life. While I am struggling with his two children.

I do have attachment issues which I am working on.

OP posts:
Original poster
Oscarbin · 19/01/2023 18:26

kindhandsworking · 19/01/2023 18:09

He's clearly not wanting anything more than once a week dating and quite rude about it. I wouldn't bother with this anymore, after 5 months it's not progressing anywhere. Hope you are still looking to date others?

Well he said, he would just be dating me and vice versa. I am new to all this.

OP posts:
kindhandsworking · 19/01/2023 18:35

If he just wanted to date you then I don't see why he can't treat you like you are in a new relationship, and not have to put you in your place of 'dating and nothing else' sounds like he doesn't want to be with you that attitude. Some men like to trap you into being exclusive with them but have no intention of wanting a relationship, because they want to see who else may come along. Don't accept it especially after months of it not developing like he cares and wants a future.

xfan · 19/01/2023 19:58

@Oscarbin
Although his "delivery" could be considered quite abrupt, where would you see this relationship going? You have two children, so would you be open to cohabitating with someone/getting married) having more children? Where should it be "going" considering you have restrictions yourself.

JorisBonson · 19/01/2023 20:00

Oscarbin · 19/01/2023 18:06

Just the way I feel around men.

I've had some horrible relationships

So don't let yourself be in another one. Get rid of this guy and work on yourself.

supercali77 · 19/01/2023 20:15

He sounds like an arse, honestly there are nicer men out there. Tell him you were just trying to arrange childcare not get fu**ing married.

lilachouse · 19/01/2023 20:23

supercali77 · 19/01/2023 20:15

He sounds like an arse, honestly there are nicer men out there. Tell him you were just trying to arrange childcare not get fu**ing married.

Love this!

Watchkeys · 19/01/2023 20:31

My family basically told me to put up and shut up

You'll find you have a lot less issues to 'work on' if you allow yourself to be guided by your feelings rather than by what other people tell you you 'should' be doing. Who is in charge of you? Who is responsible for making sure you're happy? Who makes the decisions about what 'should' and 'shouldn't' happen in your life?

Your family do not care about your feelings, so following what they say is not going to lead to happy feelings.

Original poster
Oscarbin · 19/01/2023 20:44

It's always lovely at the start isn't it? I should of seen the red flags when he hasn't had many relationships. Think he's been scared off by his first one

OP posts:
Watchkeys · 19/01/2023 20:47

A red flag is a feeling that you have, not a behaviour that they exhibit. Someone not having had many relationships isn't necessarily a red flag.

Pinkbonbon · 19/01/2023 20:54

Oscarbin · 19/01/2023 20:44

It's always lovely at the start isn't it? I should of seen the red flags when he hasn't had many relationships. Think he's been scared off by his first one

Why would you think that? Let me guess, he told you she was 'crazy'.

Its not a woman's fault he doesn't want a relationship. Nobody 'scared him off dating'.

Even if he had one shit relationship, so what? He thinks its OK to generalise that to ALL women? YOU think it's OK if he does?

How many shit relationships have you had? Do you use one shit relationship as an excuse to label all men shit? To avoid relationship? No, becayse you're a grown woman.

He's a grown man. He doesn't want a relationship - because he doesn't want one.

supercali77 · 19/01/2023 20:59

Its a classic trope. Oh me im so wounded by my first love, like a baby bird, I need attention and fussing and food and whatever I say basically. What's that? Childcare dates? How dare you! Trying to control me! 😂