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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Playdates

14 replies

RS1303 · 19/01/2023 14:14

Hi everyone,

I need a bit of advice.
I've been struggling with a play date situation for months.
My daughter (7 years old) has a friend in her class... they are always close to each other... which I think is normal and even healthy, but her mother and I never exchanged a word, I don't even know her name or where they live, nor do I have any information regarding this child.
We only saw each other at the drop out and pick up, the kids never exchanged a good day, which is always on the run.
A few months ago, in a school pick-up, my daughter was happy to say that she would go to her friend's house for a playdate that same day, but no one ever asked me or spoke to me.
Of course, that same day I told her no as i need some info about who , when and how, address, telephone number and who the person is and how are you going, ...an adult should ask me for permission, that no one would take her without first having word with me.

Interesting and that when I was talking to my daughter, the friend's mother was beside me and didn't even open her mouth, she simply turned to her daughter, shrugged her shoulders and followed her path.
We left the school side by side and the mother didn't say a word the way, she simply ignored me.

The following week the same thing happened, she invited my daughter and on the same day she wanted to take her home without any contact with me,

whereupon I explained again that my daughter would not go anywhere without my authorization and the minimum of information where and with whom to go... and once again the friend's mother simply ignored it and left the school with her daughter.

This has been going on since July until now, almost every week this is without any attempt to get in touch with the friend's mother but she continues to invite and even offered her chocolates one day.

I've tried to smile, I've said good morning and just ignored me.

Last week in one of the pick ups we were waiting for the kids to come out for at least 5 minutes in the school play area and once she saw her daughter and mine she gave mine a paper with an invite to a playdate, right in front of me, who has his number, address and name, but still ignoring me.

I'm a shy person so I'm not the type of person to start up a conversation and it seems to me this mommy is the same, but if you want to have a social gathering you at least have to try so make any contact.

With other moms, I have no problem making random chitchat, even about the weather, but this person is just a struggle for me.

Even she doesn't ignore she just doesn't speak, just standing there looking.

I may be consider that play date, even i don't seem to enjoy sending my kid to a stranger house, but to be honest that kind of attitude only puts me more off to that, and not making any effort for that happening.

What you people thinK? am i being rude, cautious or strange as well?

OP posts:
Runaway1 · 19/01/2023 14:21

I think it’s a bit weird. I don’t send my child to homes of people I don’t know. Maybe try to ask if she and her daughter would like to go to the park with you after school one time so you can get to know her a little? I would say though, if you’re uncomfortable, trust your instincts.

mx03 · 19/01/2023 14:24

the thing is...she doesn't say a word to me not even good morning and i try... so i don;t feel like to invite for anything...

RS1303 · 19/01/2023 14:25

the thing is...she doesn't say a word to me not even good morning and i try... so i don;t feel like to invite for anything...

OP posts:
SpinningFloppa · 19/01/2023 14:27

Is it actually the mum asking? Sorry I wasn’t sure reading your post? My 5 year old often tells me friends in her class invite her to their house but I just ignore it as the mothers haven’t so just put it down as something kids say.

RS1303 · 19/01/2023 14:30

Well, i guess at first was a kids talk, but one of the times that her daughter ask her if she can that my to her house, and she was next to me.

it was her to write the invitation to my kid with her personal info.

So even if a conversation between kids it seem she is on board and the didnt the flyer invitation for my little one.

OP posts:
RS1303 · 19/01/2023 14:32

So even if a conversation between kids it seem she is on board and she did the flyer invitation for my little one.

OP posts:
Dacadactyl · 19/01/2023 14:33

She sounds odd in the extreme to me.

If she is mute or can't speak the language, it'd have explained this is the note.

Unless she spoke to me, I would not let my kids go to her house. No way.

RS1303 · 19/01/2023 14:35

she is not mute because i heard her speak to her child, she just not speak directly to me

OP posts:
Isthisexpected · 19/01/2023 14:36

You both sound odd. Can't you say "hello. thanks for inviting X, can we arrange a play date in advance and I'll bring her over?" right to her face?

Identifyingasadolphin · 19/01/2023 14:37

How about you ask the mum if she want’s to have a coffee at yours after school - and the two girls can play at your house then?

Moomoo75 · 19/01/2023 14:38

Could she be mute? Would you instigate a play date instead and get the ball rolling?

daemonologie · 19/01/2023 14:42

I wouldn't let my child go to a strangers house without me no matter if it was another parent from the school. So I'm with you there.

I'm in a similar situation but the other side except without trying to get the child to come without the parent

My DD has a best friend in school and DD desperate for her friend to come over but the last year I've been in a bad place that I'm just coming out of and I don't want anyone in my house currently. I am not up to being host and making small chitchat with the parent. I'm not my usual perky self. I just need more time but my DD is desperate and constantly trying to make arrangements with her friend. I don't know the mother of the other child enough to explain this. So I end up being silent because I don't want to get either child's hopes up.
Also suggesting to meet up elsewhere wouldn't cut it either. Has to be the house.

RS1303 · 19/01/2023 14:45

i have after months the info that i need to accept or deny the invitation. The thing is how can i invite someone to a coffee or my house if the couple of time i try and talk to her, she looks that i was invisible and walk through me...

my kid being the partys and playdates before and i talk to other parents.

Just this one is difficult to connect to, i only heard her voice one or twice when she talk to her kid.

OP posts:
RS1303 · 19/01/2023 14:58

feel for you and hope you well now.
Another thing is was i work full time and sometimes i bring work home my time is counted, so to have another kid to entertained is not easy, so it would be easy to have a playdate on friends house...

but that invisible treatment and ignoring my presence and get straight to my child put me off and concerns me

OP posts:
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