Been reading threads for years and never been brave enough to post, so created a new account. I know for now there isn’t a solution but has anyone been in a similar situation and finally escaped ? I suppose I’m feeling a bit sorry for myself in all honesty.
Background - met my husband at 16 we are late 30s now and have 4 children oldest has moved out away to uni. Youngest 3still at home. So I’ve been with him a very long long time and feel totally responsible for him, I run his life for him he just takes himself back and forth to work that’s it !
I am extremely intimidated by my husband always have been ! He’s never hit me and wouldn’t but he’s a nasty bully with moods which are up and down. I play the game well 99% of the time. I ensure I don’t have an opinion which doesn’t align with his I don’t answer back just make sure everything suits him so he can’t say anything to me. If I’m honest I cannot stand him at all and I’m at my happiest when he’s at work.
He had a crazy upbringing and a very dysfunctional family so this can explain a lot of his behaviours. He’s extremely selfish with money and defo does not do 50/50 on bills by any means ! He gaslights me 7 days a week and has sucked the life right out me. My children are lovely children and wee rounded, there is no shouting arguing in this house etc so they aren’t aware of how I feel, neither is my husband because I do not have the guts.
My plan is to leave in around 8 years and I have many reasons for this I will lost below as I know from reading everyone will say leave now I absolutely will not do that to my children.
reasons I can’t just now
he would move in with his parents, my children don’t know these people and for good reason. His family (most) have numerous issues with alcohol, drugs, violence, social services . You get the picture, we stay far away from them so thankfully don’t need to visit but he’d have my children there all the time if we split and I’d honestly rather die than that happen.
secondly I have a good well paid job and my hours fit around his. If I left I’d need to leave my job as I’d have no childcare with my hours where I live etc. so this is another huge issue.
lastly he’s a very nasty person and would make my life a total misery he’d use my children as a weapon to spite me. I also would worry if he’d do anything to himself as he’s beyond reliant on me.
I am saving like crazy to get myself a flat outright when I do go. My youngest in 8 years will be fully independent as will other two and I won’t need maintenance and at that age they won’t want to stay over so saves all that drama. It seems a lifetime away but it’s not really and means I’ll be prepared as possible. When I leave I want nothing he can have it all house the lot. And with the kids being the age they’ll be means I wouldn’t need any contact with him at all which Is the main reason for waiting.
Sorry for the novel I just don’t open up to anyone always seem like everything’s great and people believe this.
I think I’m just hopeful people come on and say they done similar and in the end everything went ok.
Thanks for reading 😊