Why do I care that he contacted his ex

[multilpetimes]

I've left my bf of a few years.
Turns out that he was emotionally abusive based on what I experienced and what advice and opinions I read on this site.
I didn't see it when I was in it. I thought he just shut down when he got stressed and took time to process when he ignored me for days and refused to answer my many many calls and texts. Huffy when I called him out on shit behaviour and then talking at me and advising me about my parenting despite being an absent father himself.
He let me down eventually so I binned him off.
After ignoring me for a few weeks, he started contacting me. Sending me songs, memes, telling me how
Much he loved me and when I didn't go with him he started insulting me .
He then started texting saying he was worried about me and to mind myself, followed by flowers , chocolates and soppy love notes.
I have found out that in the midst of all of this he contacted his ' psycho' ex who ' physically abused him, controlled him and the woman he was so frightened of, he had to lock his doors at night.
He wants to meet her as he is sad and needs a chat.
Now to the best of my knowledge, she has engaged on text but refuses to meet him. She is now happily moved on and sees him for what he is, a liar .
He gave her crumbs of his problems and when he wouldn't elaborate unless she met him so she left it.After every th I g he said about her and his vitriol towards her, why on earth did he contact her and why the hell do I even care?
Please help me make sense of this. I really am trying to heal and move on and it's taking time.
I thought we would settle down together. I am in my forties.I am disappointed and hurt and feel so stupid. Thank you.

Anyone ???

He sounds like a narcissist. When whoever he moved onto from you got rid of him, he thought he'd try you again. When that didn't work, he tried her too. Classic narcissist. Right down to his ex being a 'psycho'.
It bothers you because thats a normal response. He has basically shown you he doesn't care which woman hes with, he just needs 'a' woman. Any will do, and thats extremely hurtful to realise. And also nothing on you, don't feel stupid, but of course you will feel dissappointed and hurt. Its bloody crushing to realise this stuff.

You are far better off without him. Which I think you know. He sounds like a nightmare.
Just tell yourself, its definitely his loss. And ignore his hoovering. The best thing you can do to get under his skin and move on simultaniously is completely ignore him. He'll hate that. Don't respond to any of his tactics. Pretend you couldn't care less. Block his pathetic arse on everything.

I would start by asking why you are allowing him to treat you this way.
If you have time, go on youtube and look up narcissistic traits, or behavior, you will get a few suggestions. Although no one on here, or you, can diagnose him to be a narcissist, the videos are a great educator on what to look out for when meeting a new man, or woman.

The things that stick out to me from your post is that he claims his ex was a psycho, this is the abusers favorite word over an ex who may have ended a relationship with them, you will also fall into this psycho category once he finds a new woman to mess with.

Men like him are uncapable of love, it may feel like love but most of the time its a form of manipulation to get what they want.

You have caught up with him and his abusive nature so why would you torture y ourself with allowing him to stalk you with his abusiveness?
He clearly has clear access to you and knows you will respond as he has gotten to know what works on you, what to say, send or he will also revert to the loving individual you fell for in the beginning, until his masks falls off again, please dont fall for it again as you will never change him, its not a project you will win or get a bonus for, its a life changing abuse that will eventually break you so bad you will never be the person you once were, resulting in picking men like him over, and over again unless you educate yourself on your own worth and abusive behavior.

this is a great video, there will be similar once to this one so just scroll my love.

Block him EVERYWHERE... don't respond... don't engage.

You care because he lied and you believed him
So a part of the relationship was false (abusive ex)

he made a story that put her in a bad ‘bucket’

now it transpires she probably wasn’t that bad
evidenced by her refusing to meet him ! Sensible woman

you need to block and delete on every single channel
that’s literally the only thing that helps to move on
1000% no contact

no social media no WhatsApp nothing

I think that part of you (the part that kept forgiving him whilst you were together) is still trying to overlook his poor behaviour, and find a way to forgive him. There will be other parts of you too, like the part that feels he should fuck right off, and the part that feels puzzled about why you have the 'overlooking' part.

Your job, being responsible for yourself, is to work out why you have a habit of overlooking people's poor behaviour, and still wanting them to love you. Generally this is learned in childhood. Did you have a parent who behaved in a dismissive way towards your feelings? Perhaps an ill parent? Addicted? Fighting parents? Demanding sibling taking all their attention? There will be somewhere you learned that you have to hold onto people, however poorly they treat you, and part of you is still like that.

Am I miles off the mark?

You're really not@ watch keys and that's probably the crux of it.
Bottom line though is that I don't know if he was just a plain liar 🤥 r something more sinister.

I am fully happy it's over but this has unsettled me. He is trying everything to contact me but can't thankfully.

He filled me with shit and I fell for it all.
What else has he lied about?
Fucker.

@Watchkeys