If you have been in a refuge

[LionTree]

Were you allowed to pop back to your local area to visit friends and family etc? I understand why they locate you out of your local area, but am not sure how it works if you're there for months with regards to seeing family and friends.

Have posted about my situation previously but after husband kicked the stair gate off the wall down the stairs tonight and has been shouting at me, slamming things around etc all in front of our little boys, I've decided enough is enough and am going to ring Refuge tomorrow. Just feeling a bit anxious and overwhelmed about it all.

Also, how much do you pack, how many days worth of clothes etc?

No advice but bumping for you.

I'm so sorry you're having to go through this.

So so sorry op

Women's aid can answer all these questions

I have no direct experience with refuges

I do know get out asap and please stay safe

Sorry you are going through this 😢😢💔

I drove to my local one (no time to plan) and just stayed there. Family and friends generally picked me up and we went to child suitable places for a walk and some lunch.

Good luck. Keep all messages and use the full force of the law for protection for you.

Pack essentials — toiletries, underwear, few changes of clothing, pyjamas.Essentials like medication, passports, birth certificates. All the money you can get together. Children’s favourite toy, cuddly, blanket. Towels maybe?
As you have to transport stuff and your children just what you can move. If it’s safe maybe have a family member or friend collect other stuff and keep it for you.
I’d say just make sure you get out safely, don’t let him know or see you packing. I understand it’s the most dangerous time and it’s certainly the time I felt most at risk. I literally threw stuff into my car.
Speak to Women’s Aid or an individual refuge if you’re already in touch, they’ll be best to advise. Stay safe.

Not me but someone I know. Obviously pack all important paperwork, write a list and work through it. Or just write down where it is for when you need to get it all together.

Refuges are amazingly generous but pack whatever your children will need to feel secure. A few small toys, favourite pjs and teddies etc. all will help them feel a little more settled straight away. School uniform basics? Trousers/skirts/shirts can be fairly generic if they have to move schools and will save you a bit of money.

My family member was allowed to visit family but had to say how long she was going for, give the name phone number and address and what time she was going back. They regularly called her to check she was ok. They've helped her find housing and she's back on her feet with a new life and she's really happy

Thanks everyone. I have packed what I can for now. Tricky as husband is off work this week. Also have a cat who he is horrid to so can't leave him here either, I will have to see if Cats Protection can take him in temporarily. Feeling very nervous this morning but determined today will be the day we leave. My boys are 7 months and 3, so I would like to leave sooner rather than later before they remember and are traumatised by his behaviour.

No advice but best if luck.

No advice here but wish you the very best of luck.

I dont have any useful advice but just wanted to say you sound very brave and you are a good mum thinking about your children and taking action now.

Good luck OP. Hopefully a fosterer can be found for your cat. Well done for getting out. We're here for you.

You're free to do whatever you want in a refuge (as in travel where you want, see who you want) there are rules once inside (usually no male visitors, no drugs etc)

Please do leave when you can, I was your children. Mum left when I was 3yrs, it changed my life for the better (and probably saved hers)

When I worked in a refuge rules were your address had to kept confidential from everyone. If you wanted to meet trusted family and friends you could but not near the refuge we asked the women to arrange an area to meet up. If women did return to their home area we would look at the risk (such as could they be followed back, were the other refuge women now in danger etc.) & strongly advised against going to home area & some class this as breaking agreement. Refuges are in my experience very supportive and helpful places. Hope it goes ok for you, please be very careful not to raise suspicion

No advice but you are amazing OP! My mum didn't leave until I was 16 and I'm still in therapy almost 20 years later. You're doing the absolute best thing for your kids - sending you strength to get through this.

Yes I've been in one. It was a blessed relief to get out and the support was great. It was good to be with other people in my situation.
You aren't in prison you can go out and visit who you like just be careful you aren't followed back.

Wishing you all the best. Glad to hear you are going and that you are getting cat sorted too. X

I've been in one- i could go and meet friends but they couldn't know where the refuge was and it had a PO box address.
Honestly it was amazing to be free, to have peace, to not be afraid every second. Women's Aid are brilliant.

Thank you for planning for the cat's safety. My heart breaks at the thought of what might happen if it's left behind with him.

Good luck to you.

I'm so sorry you are going through this!
Good luck xxx