Ex sending money

[SpinningFloppa]

My ex doesn’t pay any maintenance at all (nothing I can do about it.) He barely sees our children (purely his choice I’ve tried to encourage more contact but he isn’t interested.) He last saw them one month ago for half an hour, will speak to my children occasionally on the phone (maybe every couple of weeks.)

My son got an Xbox for Christmas and his father asked if he would like a game for it and he would send some money on Tuesday for the game, he asked my son how much it was and he said £29.99. So yesterday he sent exactly £29.99! Literally to the penny. I can’t imagine typing in £29.99 to send money surely you would just put 30? I don’t know but it’s bugged me for some reason given he doesn’t pay a single penny in maintenance and my children need clothes, shoes, food, electric, gas, school dinners, trips, clubs etc does this sound really tight?

He hasn’t paid in 6 years, I asked cms how they think he is living and was told that he could be living off a partner so they wouldn’t do anything, if I report it to hmrc it has to be worth it because of anything potential retaliation from him so if he could just wiggle his way out of it like always it wouldn’t be worth it for me (he will know it’s me he has already said in the past if he was ever reported he would know it came from me)

I obviously don’t know what your ex is like, but from what you’ve said I can’t see how you’d be worse off than you are now. He would have no way of knowing it was you, it could be one of his lodgers for all he knows, he is just trying to scare you.

How pathetic do you have to be to structure your life like this to avoid paying for your children. Why are these men not shamed more by our society. Paying for your own children should not be optional.

He would absolutely know it was me, of course he would he isn’t stupid, he said from a long time ago he would know it’s me if there was ever a report so if it’s not going to be worth it And we won’t see any money as it’s cash in hand

@SpinningFloppa he is just trying to scare you, he won’t know but I won’t be able to convince you of that. I am not sure why you think income being cash in hand matters. If you earn enough you have to declare and pay tax. It may be harder for HMRC to investigate but it doesn’t make it impossible. They are pretty tenacious when they want to be.

I get your situation is difficult, I think your ex sounds like a petty twat, but I think you aren’t really helping yourself if you don’t even try and enforce his responsibility to his children.

I understand your irritation at the pettiness of paying exactly to the penny.

My ExH was like this about my DCs. He took one to look at a laptop. Turns out he did exactly that - look at them. She was so excited to think she was getting one for her A levels and then was left hanging by him. He had said she could have an ‘educational’ one. The sort that you get for a secondary school starter.

I bought her a suitable one - came to £504 (it was a few years ago) and told him if he didn’t pay half I was telling his family and friends what a tight arse he was. He sent me £250. He’d rounded it down because I’d included a carry case and didn’t ask him. He genuinely thought he’d gone above and beyond!

Thank you for understanding, yeah this was just more about the pettiness of it all as I’m sure it was done deliberately to wind me up. He would have purposely done it. It should be cms investigating how someone is not working or claiming benefits that is there job, it’s not up to me to report him I’ve opened a cm claim they are not interested in looking into how someone is living if they are not working or claiming benefits.

He's allowed to earn £7500 tax free from a lodger in his own home. Not sure if he's supposed to declared that on a tax return, but it should form part of his child maintenance calculation.

I'm in the same position - ex refuses to work (lives off benefits) so ineligible to pay CMS. But ex gives the kids very generous pocket money (by bank transfer), which almost feels like trying to buy their loyalty/turn them against me.

its definitely more than that. He doesn’t send money often/ doesn’t give them pocket money, this money for the game as the first money he’s sent in 2 years.

What a fucking useless excuse for a father. Men like him should be in prison for neglect in my opinion. So what if he knows you reported him? Tell him you did because he’s neglecting his children by not providing for them and they’ll likely grow up to want nothing to do with him.