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Original poster

Another OLD query - please help me end it after 7 dates

28 replies

Jefferz54 · 17/01/2023 15:59

Hello

I meet a guy via Bumble around Nov 2022, and we've met up I would say 7/8 times now. However, it has all been very chaste so far (holding hands, one kiss one lips - no snogging or sex!), with us going on dates in the very traditional style, e.g. opera, theatre and dinners. I did fancy him at the beginning, which is why I decided to agree to further dates, however it just seems to be going nowhere; he doesn't seem to want to make a move (not sure if he's just being too polite or wants to go v slowly), and there's no real dynamism to our daily whatsapp message (yes, i know!), it's all very formal and brief, plus he hasn't mentioned anything about taking things further, although I think he may be keen on me (though not 100% sure). He's also usually very caught up in his work and has sleep issues.

I'm just a bit bored of the whole thing now, plus want to date other people, I just need some thoughts/suggestions on what I can write (is text ok??) to just end it in the nicest way possible. I'm so bad at doing this kind of stuff; telling men I;m not interested after 1 date is fine for me, but this is just a bit too complicated for the number of times we have met/time invested, so I'm a bit stressed out! Any ideas would be much appreciated!!

thanks

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 17/01/2023 16:01

Call him, tell him you've enjoyed getting to know him, but you don't see this going any further. Wish him well and you're done.

Beansontoast45 · 17/01/2023 16:06

Text and say

“Hey, it’s been really nice getting to know you but I don’t really feel a connection and think it is best if we just leave things here.

hugefanofcheese · 17/01/2023 16:10

Just a quick phone call, maybe a text heads up to see if he's free to talk first. If you don'tnormally ring each other he will probably assume what its about.

As above, say it's been lovely getting to know him but you'd like to leave things here as it seems to be heading more in a friendship direction. All the best etc. If he's got something upcoming to wish him well on such as an interview then do that. Thing is to be nice about it but leave absolutely no doubt.

Original poster
Jefferz54 · 17/01/2023 16:14

Yeah, I think I agree. A call is probably better, although it's going to be a bit nerve-racking for me...

OP posts:
SunshineAndFizz · 17/01/2023 16:16

Yeah give him a call, tell him you've enjoyed getting to know him, but now you've spent some time with him you're just getting a friend vibe, rather than a romantic feeling.

YouTarzan · 17/01/2023 16:19

Yes, tell him this!

you're just getting a friend vibe, rather than a romantic feeling

ForFuckSteak · 17/01/2023 16:20

Just text him. Fuck being an adult about it! 🤣

Heyahun · 17/01/2023 16:23

meh a text is fine ! You don’t owe a big explanation really just say it’s been nice but you don’t see it going any further.

Shekissedagirlandshelikedit · 17/01/2023 16:28

Definitely just send a text. It's not like it was a deep and meaningful relationship for either of you.

minticecreamisjustok · 17/01/2023 16:56

I wouldn't go through the pain of calling him, he maybe formal but you don't have to be. I'd just say you don't feel it's progressing any further and wish him the best. I think I'd been well and truly over it ages ago, it you're not snogging each others face off by now then I can't see when the spark is going to happen.

Original poster
Jefferz54 · 17/01/2023 17:14

minticecreamisjustok · 17/01/2023 16:56

I wouldn't go through the pain of calling him, he maybe formal but you don't have to be. I'd just say you don't feel it's progressing any further and wish him the best. I think I'd been well and truly over it ages ago, it you're not snogging each others face off by now then I can't see when the spark is going to happen.

yeah, it's really dragged on for a bit, it's a bit ridiculous. I was just hoping that initial spark would come back...

OP posts:
MMMarmite · 17/01/2023 17:29

At odds with everyone else, but if your main issue is that it's not gone anywhere sexually, why don't you make a move? He may be very polite or old fashioned, or shy, or wary about pressuring you. It sounds like he's putting in effort into dates, so presumably likes you.

Choose a good moment, lean into a kiss, encourage him (obviously while respecting his responses/consent). It might come to nothing or it lead to something brilliant.

Ilovelurchers · 17/01/2023 17:36

Agree with the pp who says you could make the first move rather than him - but maybe you feel the moment for that has passed?

In which case, I think kindest way is to end it with a text, rather than inflicting an embarrassing phonecall on the both of you. If he really wants a chat about it, and asks for that, you could consider it, but you don't owe him.

I would make it a nice message in which you list his positives and make it clear the dates have been nice, so he can feel moderately good about it.

GoldenCupidon · 17/01/2023 17:44

I had to do a similar thing after a similar number of dates (but having slept together once which honestly was what put me off) and I think I did the pretty classic message i.e. you are lovely, been having a great time, not sure we're that well suited romantically, obviously understand if you'd rather not do this but i'm up for remaining friends [if you are obviously]

That meant he could have a think about it and in the end we did remain friends.

fdgdfgdfgdfg · 17/01/2023 18:02

It's probably a bit late now as you've gone off him but I'm another one wondering why on earth you didn't make a move if you fancied him?

Notaboutthebass · 17/01/2023 18:53

Make a move! Get him going....

Albgo · 17/01/2023 18:56

You don't owe him a phone call after a handful of dates and no sex. Just a simple text is fine.

Emmamoo89 · 17/01/2023 19:07

A text is fine

Breakingpoint1961 · 17/01/2023 19:12

You owe him absolutely nothing except..a polite text

Original poster
Jefferz54 · 18/01/2023 17:44

GoldenCupidon · 17/01/2023 17:44

I had to do a similar thing after a similar number of dates (but having slept together once which honestly was what put me off) and I think I did the pretty classic message i.e. you are lovely, been having a great time, not sure we're that well suited romantically, obviously understand if you'd rather not do this but i'm up for remaining friends [if you are obviously]

That meant he could have a think about it and in the end we did remain friends.

This was really helpful, thanks!

OP posts:
Original poster
Jefferz54 · 18/01/2023 17:45

I chickened out and sent a message via WhatsApp....not yet heard back...

OP posts:
SimonSmithuk · 18/01/2023 17:54

I can't imagine getting my lips on a woman's lips and not escalating further. My hands would be wandering asap!

Is he a simple simon incel nerd type?

Original poster
Jefferz54 · 18/01/2023 18:11

SimonSmithuk · 18/01/2023 17:54

I can't imagine getting my lips on a woman's lips and not escalating further. My hands would be wandering asap!

Is he a simple simon incel nerd type?

No, definitely not an incel ....just think a bit too shy/slow. Or maybe he never really fancied me...who knows!

OP posts:
GoldenCupidon · 18/01/2023 19:06

Jefferz54 · 18/01/2023 17:44

This was really helpful, thanks!

Show quote history

oh I'm really glad. The thing I like about saying you're not well suited is that he can't really argue with that, as it's in the eye (or in this case loins) of the beholder.

ItsAnOrgasmNotAFabergeEgg · 18/01/2023 19:54

Beansontoast45 · 17/01/2023 16:06

Text and say

“Hey, it’s been really nice getting to know you but I don’t really feel a connection and think it is best if we just leave things here.

I had a similar situation and sent a message along those lines.

“I’ve really enjoyed getting to know you but I feeling a bit of a friend zone vibe. Good luck with your search”.

A week later I met someone who made me melt on date 1 and that’s going swimmingly - life’s too short to mess about with someone who doesn’t make you weak at the knees!

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