Boyfriend wants space when i tried talking to him about something that has upset me

[sunny59688]

I tried to bring up something i'm upset with to my boyfriend because i wanted to communicate with him, he tried to talk about it at a later time and i got more upset because i wanted to talk about it then. He then went all cold and said i was just dumping on him (I didn't even get to talk about anything i just said i wanted to talk) and he said now he needs time and space because he is so stressed out and how this messed him up. I have given him space and its been two days, but i'm honestly so confused about this situation and just in the dark waiting for him to be ready to message again? I don't know if i'm being gaslit but this whole thing is making me very upset and anxious just waiting!

Don't give your time to someone who leaves you anxious and confused. The details don't matter, whose fault it is doesn't matter. Just stay away, and that's boundaries sorted.

Nobody who cares about you will leave you feeling this way, and even if they need time, they'll explain that to you what's happening and that they'll be back to talk, because they will want you to feel better.

He either doesn't want to know what is troubling you and is doing this to make sure you don't make the mistake of trying to talk to him about your feelings or concerns in the future, or he does not have the emotional maturity to deal with another person in a relationship. Whatever the reason this is not someone you'll be able to have an actual relationship with as he is lacking an entry-level requirement, so good you found this out sooner rather than later.

Ugh, what’s the point of him? If you can’t talk to him and have a proper conversation, how can an adult relationship ever work? I think you might be wasting your time with him, he sounds like a child.

What is it you want and need from a relationship? Most of us from time to time need emotional support from the relationship from time to time. He is showing you he either can’t or won’t give you that support. So instead of waiting by the phone for him to text you need to decide if you are getting anything from this relationship.

I agree with the above responses but I would also say it can be difficult communicating with someone who is upset.

Perhaps finding a time when you can address it when you are not so upset by it would be easier for both of you?

I'm saying this because most people won't end a relationship after once incident and want to find and at least try and alternative approach.

It depends what you wanted to discuss and how needy you are in general, but assuming you're not particularly needy and you wanted to talk about something serious, then he's just showing you who he really is right now.

As pp have said, he is either 'training' you not to demand anything of him / not to voice your needs (in which case, run like the wind away from him) OR he's emotionally very imature and not ready for a grown up relationship.

Either way he's rude and uncaring.

It is possible that he had his own issues that day, but the caring, adult way to deal with that would have been to say 'Sorry sunny I've had an awful day. Can we park this up and talk properly about it tomorrow?' If he said that, then that's fair enough. If he refused to talk, wouldn't explain why and just walked away then that's not OK. Is this a one off or is this who he is?

This 100%

He’s trying to manipulate you into shutting up, and it’s working. He’ll use emotional abuse you get you in your Lane. Tel login to fuck off.

the point of having a relationship is that it is mutually beneficial and supportive, this man is not capable of being a partner he wants everything his own way and doesn't want to give anything back
Give him all the space he needs..... Remove yourself from his life!

OPs level of neediness is exactly right for her. If it doesn't suit him, that doesn't mean it's OP being 'too needy'. There's objectively no such thing, any more than a pair of trousers can be objectively 'too small' This isn't about him being right and her being wrong, it's about how well they relate to each other, and whether they are providing themselves and each other with what they need and want. He has simply walked away from OPs needs. No worthy or even adequate partner would do that, regardless of the level of neediness.

I'd take the power back op.

'If we can't discuss things and move forwards then that doesn't work for me. I'm not interested in a relationship where I am shut down and abandoned if I voice my needs. I'm not going to sit about waiting until you feel I've been adequately punished for attempting to call you out on your poor behaviour. So let's call it a day because we're clearly not suited'.

Watch as he has a total shit fit because you were supposed to be miserable and come to heel and beg for him back and you've instead, pulled him up on his bs, and dumped his manipulative ass .