Want to change my life but don’t know how

[giffyp]

4 years ago I left a 24 yr unhappy marriage for a man I have been in a on/off relationship with since, I met my husband when I was 18 so it feels like I’ve never been alone…. The thing is the relationship is stale and toxic hasn’t moved on and has no future, of course I have feelings for him despite everything.. he is weak he drinks and then lies because he is in denial about it, he is depressed and is challenging to deal with obviously he can be lovely and I hold onto those moments, I want to give him up and start over but I’m so scared of that lonely and strange feeling of having nothing, I don’t really have much of a relationship with my parents and only a few friends that I don’t see that often, my children aren’t around as one is at university and my son is here but in that teenage stage where he doesn’t want to be with me rather be with mates, or in room on Xbox, my life feels so empty, I am independent of this man and bought my own home, he lives a mile away I have ended the relationship so many times but just go back as I feel lost and alone and I absolutely hate myself for doing it! I don’t know how to break away and make a good life so ok feel like there isn’t a life for me and this is all I have.
I think this stems from spending my childhood alone in an unhappy home it may be connected, I just so want to be happy but I don’t know how.

You know this is nothing to go with the new man and all about you not having confidence in yourself? It’s completely understandable that after the ending of a 24 year relationship you perhaps couldn’t imagine life without a man. But it isn’t making you happy, is it?

And let’s not forget your two sons … I don’t know about the university child but are you sure the teenager isn’t constantly in his room or with friends because you’ve become distant from him while you concentrate on an unsatisfactory relationship?

Beyond your children you have parents and friends - all of whom have also presumably been neglected while you squander your time and energy on this man.

Perhaps it’s time to reassess your priorities? You have so much - and you’re wasting it.

What about signing up to a walking group or evening exercise classes/gym to get you out and about? Have you thought about trying a new hobby? You need to think about putting yourself first now. Reconnecting with friends and family sounds great idea

Agree with getting involved with new activities and groups.

Volunteering is a great way to find meaning in your life. Perhaps research a cause that you care about and look at organisations that have opportunities in your area? It’s a great opportunity to meet new people and help you get a different perspective on life.

You need to work on your self esteem. As long as you feel that you life is not meaning without a man in your life, you will always be miserable.

No matter what your childhood was like, you are very many years removed from that childhood ,and yet your are carrying the childhood baggage around as though it were a charm or omen. You ,and not your parents, own your life now

Start living in today and stop blaming far removed yesterdays. Maybe the problem is that you are picking the wrong man or settling for the first man to show you any attention.

I was just searching for tips in changing my life and came across your post, I know you write it earlier in the year but just wanted to reach out and see how you are doing. How are things for you now? I hope you are feeling better and life is happier for you.

I’m so sorry for the typos. I hope you can read it.

Thank you so much for your message…. It made me smile, sadly I didn’t have the courage to make the changes I needed and I’m not sure I ever will But I live in hope!
I hope you have found ways to help your situation? It just shows you are never alone x