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Relationships

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Original poster

Wonderful world of dating

19 replies

Holibobby · 16/01/2023 21:54

For those in the wonderful world of OLD…how many different dates do you go on? And how close in proximity to the last date with somebody different?

I am genuinely curious!

OP posts:

PousseyNotMoira · 16/01/2023 22:04

Married now (met him OLD). I went on at least one date a week (sometimes two) for about a year. Not always different people (I’d see some of them multiple times). I had a great time, met some lovely people, some super fun dates, met the love of my life.

Original poster

Holibobby · 16/01/2023 22:10

@PousseyNotMoira Ah fab, I only hear horror stories of OLD, so it’s nice to hear it can be fun too :)

OP posts:

Watchkeys · 16/01/2023 22:27

One date only. Didn't bother with anyone who didn't blow my socks off from the start. Was on there nearly a year. Eventually someone messaged who I didn't find myself able to resist. We're very happy in a long term relationship now.

Don't waste any time trying people out who may or may not fit the bill.

Original poster

Holibobby · 16/01/2023 22:38

@Watchkeys people may be better in real life though?

OP posts:

PousseyNotMoira · 16/01/2023 22:50

Holibobby · 16/01/2023 22:10

@PousseyNotMoira Ah fab, I only hear horror stories of OLD, so it’s nice to hear it can be fun too :)

I think it depends on whether or not you actually like dating or see it as a means to an end. I’ve always genuinely enjoyed going on dates, so OLD was perfect for me. I know some people just want relationships as soon as possible, so it’s probably less fun for them.

I’m also in the middle of London, so there were always lots of options. Some of my friends in less populous areas have reported slimmer pickings.

But, yes, all in all, loved it.

Penguinsaregreat · 17/01/2023 08:01

I’m married now- met online.
Previously I went on lots of dates. I agree with the poster who said it depends on how you view it. I treated it as a few hours out, an excuse to get dressed up and go out. I only ever went on short dates and there was never a problem meeting close to where I lived so I never had to travel far.
I had no intention of moving far so I kept my parameters small. I could t see the point of arranging to meet someone who lived a 3 hour drive away as I had commitments which meant it would not have worked out, plus often I knew straight away that my date was not for me so keeping it local to me wasn’t that disappointing.
On the whole it was great.

nc1013 · 17/01/2023 09:51

Holibobby · 16/01/2023 22:38

@Watchkeys people may be better in real life though?

100% they may be better (or worse) in real life. Also think it's hard to judge if there is any chemistry or spark without meeting in person

I used OLD on & off for 4 years. Enjoyable and fun but can also be dis-heartening and you need to have a thick skin at times (ghosting etc).

Probably an average of 1 first date every 2 weeks or so.

There were people I matched with, got excited and then the date was nice but a bit of an anti climax. Usually they looked like there pics and despite me finding them attractive in a theoretical way, there was no spark.
Similarly I dated a couple of people for a few months each after not initially being blown away from their profile. There was just "something" there irl that I hadn't felt online.

The main example id use of how it can be completely different irl:

I had seen my now DPs profile quite a few times over the years on different dating apps. I thought he was very good looking but a bit vain and "stuck up" looking. Looked like he loved himself and I also thought he was probably too good looking for me (even if I did fancy him which I didn't from his profile). Then this last time last year I bumped into him in IRL. Instantly recognised him and vice versa. There were literal fireworks from the beginning. He is very attractive but couldn't have been any different from my initial impression of him. Never laughed so much with anyone and he's really down to earth and chilled out.

I always say to single friends that it's weird as I'd never have swiped on his profile in my life but I'm so so glad we met.
In a way I thank OLD for it as he says if we hadn't seen each other on the apps we wouldn't have known each other was single and he says he wouldn't have walked up and struck up a random conversation if he didn't know!

fatherliamdeliverance · 17/01/2023 10:22

I've met someone amazing online. It's only been 6 months so nothing is guaranteed but this feels very different and special. Before, I dated about 4 years, had a few 1-6 months flings that ended, a year long one that has become a close friendship as we are too different to connect romantically but became very fond of each other platonically, and another 1 or 2 friendships. I did 3 dates a week at some points and tbh had a lot of fun, went to some really nice places, but was heartily sick of it by the end and looking at other ways to have children, simply as I knew the likelihood on a date was that I wouldn't feel any real spark, we wouldn't have much in common.

I think it's quite easy to go down rabbit holes of what you think you want and draw quite arbitrary lines regarding say, height, education, work, 'type', interests. This isn't superficial, you simply can't date everyone on the app so have to narrow it down somehow. Whereas, if you met a man in the pub and there was mutual spark, you had fun, he seemed kind and you were chatting for ages then all of those things would be secondary if of any importance.

minticecreamisjustok · 17/01/2023 10:33

It's nice reading positive experiences that you can meet a partner. I've been single 4 years, I occasionally dabble in old, I've not been that taken with anyone. I'm very fussy in the first place and when I go meet them they are worse than expected, never had the problem of multi dating 😂 not been on a date for a year as I came off the apps. Would typically only go on a date once every few months. I don't want to give up totally but maybe it's my age group 40's and as an older, wiser woman I'm less tolerant to any BS.

Watchkeys · 17/01/2023 10:37

Holibobby · 16/01/2023 22:38

@Watchkeys people may be better in real life though?

So? I wanted someone who impressed me from the off, so that even if the first date hadn't gone well/no chemistry, etc, I would know, for my own self confidence, that I hadn't tested someone out who didn't appear exactly right just from the start. Everybody is a 'maybe', but I wasn't really interested in wasting my time dating people who actually seemed like maybes. I wanted someone who looked like a dead cert.

I'd pretty much given up, to be honest, and had only logged on to stop my subscription from rolling over. I was absolutely ready to accept that OLD wasn't for me, and that my standards must be very high. And then...

untilgertie · 17/01/2023 10:42

It changed my opinion of OLD when I saw ex's profile, which made reference to enjoying being spontaneous. He was never a spontaneous person, always preferred knowing exactly what he would be doing, when, and at what time.
I wonder if people are rarely honest in their profiles.

untilgertie · 17/01/2023 10:43

... already invested in @Watchkeys fortuitous OLD meeting

Watchkeys · 17/01/2023 11:28

I think that if you click with someone, you'll click online, on the phone, in person, on a tennis court, in a lift, on an aeroplane... It wouldn't matter where you put 2 compatible people; nobody will have to prove themselves to be any different from what they present at the off, in whatever arena of life you come across them.

If you meet someone you don't think is fab online, they might also not be fab in the pub or at work, but able to be fab on 3 first dates in cafes and on walks. I'd leave as soon as the person isn't fab, so if they're not fab on their OLD profile and in the first online conversations, they'd be gone.

XmasElf10 · 17/01/2023 12:14

I used to meet a guy every Saturday night. Sometimes same guy for date 2 but to be honest that was rare. I thoroughly enjoyed dating even if some were definitely not as expected. Eventually I met one who made it to date 3 and I stopped meeting new ones. I married him. 14 years after meeting him I divorced him (not a bad guy but no longer for me). I’m now meeting guys again and one has made it to date 6. I’m much more cautious these days and rule out duds at the message stage more quickly. Still having fun with it though but I am pretty thick skinned!

Original poster

Holibobby · 17/01/2023 12:39

Some great stories here. I think like some posters mentioned the key is seeing it as fun, having a thick skin, and being in the right place, i.e. not trying to rush things. I just thought I would ask as have two dates lined up this week, one as date 1, and 2nd date with somebody else. And initially I thought, is that a good/bad thing I don't know.

OP posts:

Watchkeys · 17/01/2023 14:50

The thick skin is only something you need if you let someone in further than you can trust them. Drop them at the first sign of trouble, having hung no hopes on them, and you'll be the one walking away, rather than the one getting hurt.

Penguinsaregreat · 17/01/2023 18:13

The thing I liked about online dating was that you could rule out certain dealbreakers from the start. In rl it’s far more difficult until you have been on dates.
As an example I absolutely did not want anyone with young, dependant children due to my circumstances. If I had met someone in rl there is no way I would have known that without having to get involved with them to some extent and waste time.
I also struggled to meet decent, single men in rl due again to my circumstances.

Darhon · 17/01/2023 18:26

I was surprised how you could click over text. However, I learnt quickly to keep the texting short and meet up to check the chemistry was there. I had a mixture of chats that never left the app, some moves to WhatsApp that never progressed to dates and some dates that never progressed to a relationship. But the person I did get into a relationship with, I connected with in the first message and the chat was great before we met.

Watchkeys · 17/01/2023 18:30

I was surprised how you could click over text

Yes, me too. It's not to say that everyone you click with online will be someone you click with in real life, but I do think that everyone you click with in real life is someone you will click with online. If two people are well matched, you can put them in any circumstance and they'll hit it off.

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