Affair

[Scotsthistle]

I’m married with children and feel undervalued in my marriage. We don’t really do anything together. I do everything in the house all childcare and work. There was a long time when he didn’t want sex as he was stressed and that left me feeling sexually frustrated and bad about myself. Last night for example he came home and sat on the couch I went to sit next to him and he basically told me not to as he needed a rest /didn’t want to be disturbed. I felt so rejected
Sex has picked up these last few months and we always have good sex mostly when he wants it.
Anyway, I’ve met someone who I am really attracted to. He’s so nice and easygoing. I’m very physically attracted to him. I get the feeling he feels the same way.
I would like to take it further but feel so mixed up. I’ve been with my husband for 23 years. I’m 41

What's there to feel "mixed up" about? It sounds as though you're trying to justify having an affair, but there is just no excuse for it. If you are having problems in your marriage that bother you, your two options ought to be to try to resolve them so both you and your husband feel satisfied or leave your husband. Starting an affair ought not to be an option.

I’m sorry you’re unhappy but you have to think of the other people involved. Does he have a partner? You would be doing a really shitty thing to that person, as well as deceiving your dh, if you went ahead.

Scotsthistle, your crush is on your Husband’s friend who has been to your home for dinner. You are considering having an affair with his mate, and that is all kinds of wrong.

Stop playing with fire. Do all you can to starve the oxygen of this infatuation. Force your mind away from thoughts of him.

On another recent thread about this, you mentioned that your H has been violent in the past — hitting your back and throwing water on you. Posters urged you to focus on that domestic violence and make an exit plan.

An affair with this man is the wrong answer and would be massively destructive to all involved, most of all to your 4 children.

Gosh, what a dilemma. Let's hope the hugs and flowers brigade are here soon.

Speaking from experience, I'd say don't do it. Affairs have repercussions which far outweigh any happiness which you may experience. And also speaking from experience, the sex might be lacklustre anyway.

If you are unhappy in your marriage, do something about that. Don't add massive complications by shagging your husband's friend - honestly you'll end up regretting it for the rest of your life.