How to have a relationship with my dad despite my stepmum

[Allelbowsandtoes]

Hi all
Hoping for some objective advice - definitely not asking everyone to agree with me, I feel so frustrated that I can't see the wood for the trees at the minute and maybe I'm being petty.
My dad met my (now) stepmum when I was around 10, I'm now 34.
I used to like her when I was a kid, but as I got older I became more aware of how highly strung, emotional and difficult she is. I have vivid memories of incidents e.g one time where me, S.M and dad were driving somewhere in the car - dad took a wrong turn and she'd get really riled, shouting at him that he's stupid. There's a lot of examples like these over the years - basically, behaviour that if the genders were reversed, he would be called emotionally abusive (rightly so).

Fast forward to now and she's also become a raging conspiracy theorist - she'll rant about her theories at length and become very wound up if people try to argue the other side. My dad has a scientific background and disagrees with a lot of it.

They live in another country so I don't visit often - maybe once or twice a year. I rarely get to see him without her and I feel like it affects my relationship with my dad so much- he's quiet and laid back and she just dominates conversation. Honestly, at this point I just can't stand her which is not normal for me, i don't often get angry.

Any thoughts on how on earth I manage this?

Thanks x

One domineering person in a family can be an obstacle to other relationships. It sounds horrible op.

Who else is in your family and shares a relationship with your dad? Aunt, uncle, sibling, children? Sounds like it will never be perfect but with some help from others could you make little steps to time alone with your dad?

I have a similar issue with my stepmother, she completely dominates everything and it’s really frustrating. I want to spend time with my father, not this other random person I am not related to and don’t particularly like.

Fortunately he and I have a shared hobby that she doesn’t share so we spend time without her doing that. Could that be something you could try? How would he react do you think if you suggested doing something just the two of you? Or conveniently have just one spare ticket to something?