Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I said 'I love you'

14 replies

Blushingm · 15/01/2023 19:00

It just slipped out during sex.....But he said he's not there yet. We'd had a few drinks. He was still just as kind and affectionate as usual

Next day we went for a walk around the lake, then to the pub and cuddled up for a film and munchies completely as normal.

I don't know if I've made a complete fool of myself 😔

OP posts:
LubaLuca · 15/01/2023 19:04

Of course you haven't made a fool of yourself, he wants to be loved like anyone else does. Maybe he's just not quite as sure about committing to announcing his feelings yet, which is fine. Someone has to say it first.

"It just slipped out during sex.....But he said he's not there yet."

😳 😁

StressBall2 · 15/01/2023 19:05

How long have you been together?

I don’t think you’ve made a fool of yourself. Do you feel you meant it? Have you been wanting to say it for a while?
It sounds like you had a nice day, that’s a good sign, so I doubt he’s running for the hills. I can definitely understand it feels deflating 💐.. but remember it’s okay for him not to be ready!

page1of4 · 15/01/2023 19:08

My BF let it slip out a month or so before he was ready to actually say it out loud. He backtracked on it which was awkward. Then he harangued it out of me and didn't say it back! Lol After a bit of back and forth he's texted it a couple of times and said it during sex and after a few drinks...men are weirdos, I've never thought anything of it other than us cutely navigating a 6 month old relationship....it'll be fine.

MadameDe · 15/01/2023 19:09

It's never wrong to say how you feel and at least he was honest about his feelings. It would have been really wrong for him to say it back just to make you happy.

If he's still not there in a few months though you might have an issue.

Original poster
Blushingm · 15/01/2023 19:10

Been together 8 months.

And yes - I think I did mean It. I think he's absolutely lovely.

From what I can gather his marriage was difficult - he was very depressed for a long while. Suicidal at one point a few years ago. He says that I can't understand how much he's happier he is now

OP posts:
page1of4 · 15/01/2023 19:12

Mine is in a similar situation and struggling to articulate his feelings. It's so nice watching him become more open, I'm exactly the same...it's not easy. He probably does love you and just needs a bit more time to process it 🥰

Season0fTheWitch · 15/01/2023 19:12

8 months is a good time to say it, so you're not too early. He may be feeling it but not ready to share yet. After a difficult relationship past, it can be difficult to sink in deep again. It's good he was open with you and knows he's safe enough to take his time. If it was the other way round, you'd never think he was a fool!

helloelsie · 15/01/2023 19:15

I didn't say it straight back once. I was holding back a little as I'd been hurt before. Give him time. Definitely have not made a fool of yourself. But it is hard when you reveal your cards and feel very vulnerable! But you've shown yourself to be open, genuine and loving . Unless he's a complete fool he won't discount this. Give it time.

Oopsiedaisyy · 15/01/2023 19:20

At 5 months we had a conversation about him not thinking he'd ever really been in love and had said it to wife and past exes when he thought he should, which he wouldn't do again. Two weeks ago he came out with it, and keeps saying it since, almost bemused how he's feeling for me... I had been feeling it for a while but would never have said it first LOL

Oopsiedaisyy · 15/01/2023 19:21

Being open about your feelings isn't something though you should ever apologise for

Original poster
Blushingm · 15/01/2023 19:27

@Season0fTheWitch no I wouldn't think he was a fool at all. I'm afraid he is going to run away now though

OP posts:
Original poster
Blushingm · 15/01/2023 19:28

@helloelsie he has been hurt - and he was with his wife from 18 to 41 so it was a long time. I do know he was afraid about jumping in to another relationship too quickly

OP posts:
Ihavehairlikeworzelgummidge · 15/01/2023 19:33

Same with me. With my boyfriend for 1 year and said I loved him. He said, he wasn't at the same stage. I was mortified but brushed it off. Carried on as normal, went out with my friends most Fridays nights, took one day at a time and told myself not to put all my eggs in one basket. 6 months on from my boyfriend telling me he wasn't at that stage, he asked me to move in. Boyfriend now my DH, married 21 this year and have 3 DC's. I suppose I just played it cool, still seeing each other but deep down I was a bit crushed at the time but never let on.

Zanatdy · 15/01/2023 20:34

My bf said it to me after 6wks! He said I’m not expecting you to say it back but I want you to know how I feel. He was a bit drunk but he also said it sober. He’s a bit ahead of me, and knows it. I don’t think he does love me as he doesn’t fully know me. I like him a lot and can see a future together I think, but it’s such early days. Anyway him saying it hasn’t changed anything or me not saying it back hasn’t changed anything as he wasn’t expecting me to say it back this early. I did get a bit worried as it’s so early but I don’t think there’s any red flags. I guess time will tell if there is, I’m just taking it slow and as there’s kids involved that dictates it’s pace which is good.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread