Turning 50!

[Bowie16]

Hi all. Turning 50 very soon and feeling a bit lost. Have 3 grown up DC who are great but completely self absorbed. Husband is “ok”. Extended family very demanding . Just exhausted tbh and struggling to find something to look forward to. Probably I am depressed but maybe my feelings are just normal? Are they? How do you over 50s look to the future? X

I'm ten years further on than you op. I think the menopause years are quite hard which is probably where you are now. I was surprised by how much this affects woman as I think it's not discussed much until you find yourself dealing with it and maybe that's what leading to your low mood. On the plus side this is the time that finances might be improving, mortgages are often paid off around now and the cost of raising a young family disappears. I think the trick is to set yourself new challenges, gain a qualification, learn a new skill, take up a new hobby or travel to that place you always wanted to maybe.

I'm ten years further on than you op. I think the menopause years are quite hard which is probably where you are now. I was surprised by how much this affects woman as I think it's not discussed much until you find yourself dealing with it and maybe that's what leading to your low mood. On the plus side this is the time that finances might be improving, mortgages are often paid off around now and the cost of raising a young family disappears. I think the trick is to set yourself new challenges, gain a qualification, learn a new skill, take up a new hobby or travel to that place you always wanted to maybe.

I'm turning 50 this year and I'm loving life.

My son has his own place, I'm single and intend to remain so, so no dating woes. After a very rough few years, I've spent the last 12 months investing in my mental and physical health.

I've worked hard this year to strengthen existing friendships, create new ones with people who have a similar positive approach, and cut out old "friends" that were only bringing negativity. I also put in strong boundaries with my adult child - that has been challenging but ultimately good for both of us.

I have a much better work life balance. I spend time volunteering. I enjoy being on my own with my pets as well.

3 years ago I was suicidal and determined to die before I got to 50. My plan was to ensure my son was independent "enough" then pull the plug. How things have changed!

HRT has also had a very positive effect on my energy levels.

It’s a privilege to turn 50 OP, try to think more positively about it, sadly I have known many that haven’t made it to 50.

I was recently divorced at 50, which in a way was good as I was trying to rebuild my life anyway. 50 was the first birthday in 30 years that I had a party for me, with the friends I wanted to have, in a nice place of my choice. Any chance that you could organise something nice like that to symbolise the start of a new era, when you're no longer primarily a mum and wife, but can start just being you again?

I'm almost 55 now and for me the year I turned 50 was the year I lost my husband (he died 12 days before the nisi was pronounced) and really started my life as a single parent of two teens. I found it incredibly liberating - suddenly I could do what I wanted, when I wanted, make plans for just the three of us without having to worry about him and his issues. I honestly haven't looked back. I was lucky to have a really easy menopause though.

You all sound very positive but I get the feeling you all have more to offer than me. I have not made a life for myself really. Everything has revolved around family and I’m not good at setting boundaries- classic people pleaser I suppose. I have lots of friends and a job but I can’t imagine the next 10 years carrying on like this. I am just post menopause and not on HRT and maybe that has something to do with my mood. Need to pull myself together but don’t know where to start (pathetic, I know ) x

I’m 53 with grown up DC. The put a lot of effort into my friendships. I have two best friends as see each one every other week so I have a social with friends at least once a week. I love to go the cinema so have a pass and go every week. I also have an indoor hobby and do aqua aerobics at least once a week.
Low mood could be to do with your menopause, I’ve found mine has really improved during the last year.

My exh was a workaholic so I was left to do all the parenting, housework, cooking etc. while also working. As long as the kids were young I could hardly leave the house. At 50 they'd just become independent and the husband was gone, so I was just starting to do something else with my life. Still working on it tbh but I already have a lot more going on in my life than before.
I started out by trying out some hobbies - some totally new things, some things I'd always fancied doing, some things I'd done before and given up.
If I'd stayed with my exh, the new activities would probably have had a good effect on our marriage.

How many days a week are you doing stuff for other people? The full seven? Could you start by having one day when you just do stuff for you?

Could you make small changes, maybe delegate some chores and do something for you with the time? Maybe everyone does their own laundry and you meet a friend for coffee. Or on Saturday mornings the rest of your family pull together to blitz the house and you go and have a swim or whatever you fancy doing. Don’t worry if it may sound boring all that matters if you enjoy doing it.

50 here too. Now divorced and single. Life is good. I think alleviating the stress of having to deal with a man child was very positive in my life.
I now feel I've got a whole new life out there to live and instead of thinking ' oh god, how can I stick with this situation for the rest of my life?', the world is now my oyster. Maybe you need to look closer at what you really want?