Getting with a mates ex-wife

[toooldforthisshite]

Just that really, what are others thoughts on this? when a guy has been long time friends (from school age) and now mid forties with a mate and is now seeing his ex-wife, kids between the exes.
Isnt it a bit icky to go with your mates ex? Not to mention the fall out and loss of friendships if it goes wrong.
I thought there was some sort of unwritten rule.

Horses for courses, I think. Some will mind, some won't. Depends on closeness of friendship, how long ago split, etc.

I personally wouldn't want to date anyone who was friends with an ex in case they compared notes on me!

I've always felt it shows disloyalty to your friend.

There really is an unwritten rule. You don’t eat where you shit and all that. Too messy and yes, it crosses the line of respect. Too weird for everyone involved.

There is an unwritten rule...out of all the people in the world why choose a friends Ex?

It gives me the ick to think about shagging a friends Ex. It is disloyal as I assume a friend will have shared stuff and of children in the mix it will be awkward for them.

I know people do it...I think its because its about proximity and availability.

That my thoughts too. And not just an ex. An ex-wife!
The two guys were close, I just can’t see how this would work without some resentment on the ex husbands side. The mate may well end up spending more time with the kids than the dad.

Massive no from me. Always mates before dates

This.

Some guys will go for anything….

One of my mates tried it on with my ex, just lowered my assessment of him. Wasn’t the only time.

when something similar happened to me - i didn’t do anything then spoke to my mate and asked if he minded if i rang her as we’d got on so well. He was ok about it - but in the end we just carried on as friends.

The first mate - i don’t see any more.

The other mate - were still very close.

It’s not a case of what happens, it’s how it happens imo.

I think you can make of it what you want. Yes it’s awkward and there may be some hurt (as there is regardless of who it is). But at the same time there’s some real benefits - you know the person who is going to be around your children, they likely already care about their wellbeing and will want things to be harmonious. That has to be better than a stranger. Wanting your ex to find someone stable and loving and knowing they have that. But there is a period of working through your own hurt and your relationship will change.

It’s really about what the two men thing, if the friend is ok with it the it’s fine, if he’s not then it’s not, so it’s all down to has the mate moved on and does he give it his blessing,

ate you the ex of the guy seeing the wife. Are you jealous then?

@Summersolargirl
lol I was waiting for the usual mm standard reply that I must be the jealous ex. Sorry but I’m not, it’s not my situation at all, my friend is the mate that’s going for the ex wife.

I've heard of quite a few men going for ex girlfriends that weren't serious, but wife does sound a step too far for most, maybe if they aren't close mates?

Depends on loads of variables.

But, as a general rule- just, why?

It’s gross and the kids don’t appreciate it, I’ve seen the fallout first hand. Kids have never got over it.

My close school friends? Not a chance I’d go there

Not something I’ve known to happen. The drama!

I imagine how he feels about the new woman is more important than the friendship.

There are no unwritten rules, just 'guidelines' of what people commonly do, but as adults with brains, surely we can weigh up individual situations? It actually happens quite a lot, and how odd it is depends on the circumstances. It depends how close the friendship was - in a close and current friendship, you would surely be sacrificing the friendship. But if the friend is not close, it's different. It depends who left who, as well. If the friend was the one who walked, they made a choice to leave their ex and can't try to control who she sees afterwards.
As @Sittingonabench says, there are some real advantages as you know this person much better than you would most. But it's not an easy path and you know there will be gossip and judgement from some. Their past marriage may be more real and present in your imagination than it otherwise would, because you knew them when married. I'd take away from this that they must really feel they have a good relationship that's worth it, to be going public with their relationship despite the disadvantages.