Thriving after a covert narcissist

[bloodyqueues]

I've spoken with my therapist, watched all the videos from Dr Ramani ( thanks mn) and I now know I was very vulnerable while in that relationship.
I see him for what he is and have completely cut all contact and he can't contact me either.
He's attempted hoovering with flowers and talking to my friends but it hasn't worked.
So what now? I do feel stronger in some ways as I've been empowered but in other ways I feel like a shell of myself.
I had isolated myself so much while with him. Stopped meeting friends, walking, socialising etc.
I'm lost I suppose.
Any tips for getting back on your feet or even wisdom about when things will get better.
When will I feel better?
It's been such a whirlwind. I can't believe I got caught up in it. I didn't even see what was happening until he abandoned me and destroyed our plans for a fourth time.
It was then I left. After nearly three years! !

Any one ? Please

There’s a book called Becoming the Narcissist’s nightmare

Going through the same thing and not sure what the answer is either

It's a lonely place and today I'm alone so feeling it more than most days.
Thanks for replying anyway and I wish you well on your journey to happiness!

Check out Ronia Fraser
she does a free to download leaflet which is good

Just throw yourself into the things you used to do. Make dates to catch up with all your old friends one to one or in groups. But not heart-to-heart catch ups. You don't want to associate your new life with endlessly discussing him, telling the same story over and over to different people. Instead, make plans to do fun things together - stuff you have wanted to do which he held you back from: go on an ambitious hike with some friends, go to a show or a talk or an exhibition. Do stuff where you can talk about what you are doing - enjoy the moment and build new memories with your old friends.

Do lots of exercise - great destressor.

From what you've written you need help finding yourself again. I'd really recommend reading how to do everything and be happy by Peter Jones. It's not specifically for people just out of abusive relationships but it might give you a structure and help you get your life back to where you want it to be.

Thanks .
I suppose there was a so much out there in actual narcissistic abuse ... the genuine kind... but very little on HOW to heal the t what steps to take.
I listened to that lady Ronia but again came away thinking that she is right, the more we rehash it all, ruminate, cycle it over and over in our minds, the more we DONT heal.
Yes absolute no contact is step one.. if possible .. which I'm happy with but what about moving in, tightening boundaries ?
I'm one of natures people pleasers and probably a bit too soft so I see why I could be taken advantage of. I just need to make sure this doesn't happen me again.
It's very painful.
Maybe pushing ourselves to do that trek or take that trip or get outside our comfort zones is the way to go.
There's a residual anxiety in me though that he will call to my door or find a way to contact me .

I think one can learn to spot a narcissist - it’s 1per cent of the population and avoid it happening again

I'm in the same situation so feel the same about how to move forwards. Have you thought about coda? I've attended a couple of meetings & hoping it will help address the people pleasing. I've also changed my phone number, blocked him on everything so feel a bit less worried about future contact. I'm hoping time will help

Going through this same thing right now, I finally asked him to leave just after christmas

As for my narc ex, I believe he has accessed all my personal documents including medical records and all sorts of personal info and has been disclosing this to others but my problem is I can't prove it

Are you sporty at all, into fitness? I wonder if something like kick boxing, judo, even a self defence course will make you feel more empowered?
Local walking or cycling group? Park run?
Start doing some small fun things, a facial, get your nails done, look online for events near you.
Catch up with friends but for a cinema trip or drinks.
Are there any courses you can do to improve promotion prospects at work? Or learn a new skill, language?
Everything you do, take a photo , then you can look back at all the things you’ve done and I’ll bet you’ll look different in the photos the more you do.