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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

What now?

2 replies

nc1013 · 15/01/2023 13:35

I'm 40(ish) divorced with one dc. Separated from exH over 7 years ago and spent a few years on my own then in few years of constantly (mostly unsuccessful) online dating.
Never met anyone I really clicked with til now.

Been with bf for around a year. Very happy, loved up etc.
See each other a few nights a week and weekends when I don't have my dc.

We've met friends/family and he's recently met my dc a couple of times. All went well.
We're also in the process of booking our 1st big holiday together (already had a few weekends away) when DS goes on holiday with his dad in the summer.

Despite how happy I am when we're together i always feel a bit 'meh' after. The only way I can describe it is it feels like we're stuck in the dating stage and I keep thinking "what next?" "What do you do in a relationship now?"

I guess all my previous serious relationships have moved really fast but that was pre-dc and I was footloose and fancy free.

I don't even really know what I'm looking for - guess I'm just wondering if this is normal feeling once you've met someone and settled into a routine but aren't ready for the living together stage yet?

OP posts:
MMmomDD · 15/01/2023 13:58

I think it’s probably a combination of things.
You have only been dating a year - and by all accounts it is still an early phase of a relationship. So - yes, of course thinking what’s next is normal. Equally it’s also OK not to know yet what you actually want next.
You have been on your own for a long time, and that shapes one’s outlook on life. And as we get older it is harder for us to adjust to being with someone else again after a break.
Your previous relationships have probably moved too fast. And it wasn’t necessarily a gold thing.

I think - what you are describing here isn’t a relationship issue. I think it’s more about you not being quite sure what you want/need in this phase of life from a relationship. A bit of self-reflection, or if you have time/can afford it - counselling may help you figure it out.

Watchkeys · 15/01/2023 14:11

I'm just wondering if this is normal feeling

Why? If it's 'normal' to feel this mildly unpleasant feeling, will that mean you'll carry on, feeling a bit dissatisfied and a bit unfulfilled?

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