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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Is it normal to feel like this?

5 replies

Hueandcry · 15/01/2023 11:50

Feeling really sad today. Yesterday I bumped into a man I had a brief relationship with a few years ago. We ended things because there were a few issues with physical intimacy we couldn't get past. Seeing him has made me feel really sad. He was a lovely guy. He's moved on & is with someone & im still single. There's no going back so why am I feeling like this?

OP posts:
Watchkeys · 15/01/2023 12:20

Because you hoped he'd fill a space you have in the way you view yourself. You hoped he'd be someone you could have a relationship with, and that would prove something to you about you.

If he came to you now and said 'Since I saw you, I decided I want to be with you. I've left my girlfriend, can we give it a go?' what would you feel like? What would it make you feel about yourself that you don't feel right now? What's missing, at the moment? Do you feel physically lacking? Emotionally? Intelligence wise? Are you spending your time feeling lonely and wishing someone wanted to spend time with you? Are you too busy and want someone to drag you away from it so that you can relax? Do you miss sex? Cuddles? What is it you want from him?

Original poster
Hueandcry · 15/01/2023 13:25

I'm lonely. I feel like I'm too old & ill never have another opportunity to meet someone & that maybe he was my last chance & I should have persevered.

OP posts:
Watchkeys · 15/01/2023 14:08

OK, well that sounds like a horrible way to feel.

You aren't too old or ill though. Whether he was your last chance or not is up to you, and whether you search out new chances. It's time to question your beliefs about yourself, and question why you feel like a victim of circumstance, rather than being in the driver's seat.

minticecreamisjustok · 15/01/2023 14:20

Just remember those things you couldn't get past would still be there making you unhappy. Of course it's normal to feel a bit deflated when they've moved on and you haven't, but not too much. You will find someone, if you want to, with a more compatible man, there is no rush in finding him, what does it matter if it takes 5-10 years instead of settling with someone that isn't right. Why would he be your last chance? unless you're 90?

Original poster
Hueandcry · 15/01/2023 19:02

minticecreamisjustok · 15/01/2023 14:20

Just remember those things you couldn't get past would still be there making you unhappy. Of course it's normal to feel a bit deflated when they've moved on and you haven't, but not too much. You will find someone, if you want to, with a more compatible man, there is no rush in finding him, what does it matter if it takes 5-10 years instead of settling with someone that isn't right. Why would he be your last chance? unless you're 90?

Thank you. I needed to hear this & you're right.

OP posts:
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