When to remove wedding rings

[DevonCream]

DH has left. He admitted early Jan to an affair that had been going on for about 9 months. I have mediation booked in two weeks. Hoping he will agree on plans with the two DSs and the house. I'm desperate to stay with the boys.
Can I ask people who've been through a split like this, when they stopped wearing their rings? I'm tempted to take them off today but even though it's permanent it feels odd. Also the boys will notice. Will that make them sad (sadder??) that their dad isn't ever moving back in??

I removed mine straight away after discovering the affairs. H had bought me ‘upgraded ones’ as we had been together a long time. They meant nothing once I discovered what he had been doing. My daughter asked about them and I just explained to her why I wasn’t wearing them anymore.

I took my engagement ring off immediately after telling him I couldn't marry him anymore. I needed some control over what was happening. If they notice I'd just explain it in age friendly terms for them. Going through a split right now so hugs to you, it's hard.

I took mine off the night I found out my husband had started drinking again and had lied about it.

I took my rings off as soon as he admitted an "inappropriate" relationship (about 2 days before I discovered it was a full-on affair)

I don't think there's a right time. Just whenever you're ready

I actually don’t wear a wedding ring (we had children before we got married so it felt odd to me to suddenly start wearing a ring but i’m not really a jewellery wearer anyway) but in your shoes, like PP, I would stop wearing the ring as soon as I thought the relationship was over ‘in spirit’. It sounds like you’ve reached that stage. I can’t see your DCs attaching a lot of importance to removal of your rings when in any case the marriage is definitively over.

You just have to do it. I found it an incredibly hard thing to do (he left me). It left me feeling shattered. A few days after I’d removed them, I found 2 very pretty old rings in my mothers old jewellery box that I put onto my left hand middle finger.

Good luck with it all, OP. 4 years on now and I’m happier than I’ve been in years. You’ll get there.

Sorry OP I didn’t answer your actual question. I took them off a few weeks after he’d moved out. Don’t think my children noticed!

Sorry this has happened to you.

If this is permanent, then what's the benefit to your sons in keeping the rings on? It doesn't sound as though it would benefit you.

I took mine off whilst making bread a few days after leaving and just never put them back on.

Two years in when we'd got back together, sold the house, made an offer on another one and he told me 'I can't do this'; making me homeless and the people we were buying from very pissed off. It took a lot of anger and soap, but off it came and was never going back on.

I took mine off the minute the door closed when he left. That was 8 weeks ago and it still feels strange not having them on but I wear other rings on other fingers which I never used to do.

I took mine off after a few days and chucked them in the back of drawer somewhere, feels strange at first but you will get used to it. I actually don't like the design anymore so no big deal just like him.

Mine were off before we split because the marriage was shocking at that point. As soon as I had proof of what I had suspected all along, they were chucked in the back of a drawer never took be seen again.

My 1st husband had an affair and took them off the day he left. It took me a few few weeks, and it did feel odd after 14years, but you soon get used to it.

I found out dh was having an affair and took them off immediately. Next day at work some random colleague asked why I wasn't wearing them. I told her I had a slight rash so they were at home, I told her to calm down and stop looking for gossip and laughed. Stupid nosy cow. Don't take them off unless you have a story prepared or are ready to make it public.

I took them off a lot in the build up to splitting. Just found excuses when doing jobs and chores etc. They then became something I had to remember to put back on.

Maybe practical minded but probably subconsciously I started not liking what they represented.

When we agreed to split, on day 3 I made the trip up to Hatton garden and sold them back to the exact jewellery store they were purchased from 15 years ago.

Then went for a lovely lunch in Covent Garden and jotted down a list of things I want to keep / change about my life over a cocktail.

I've never looked back 😆

I'd be surprised if your children even notice? Why would they?

If you feel like it's time to take them off, then do it.

The day I found out he was cheating I took them off and chucked them in the ashtray in my car as I was driving away from the house. They stayed there for about 6 months until I pawned them.

My divorce was my doing but I took them off as soon as we told the kids.

It took a while to get to a jeweller as I needed them cutting off.basically as soon as possible.

It felt weird for a bit, I'd worn them for 25years but he'd broken that and I didn't want that physical connection

Two days after I discovered exh affair I took wedding ring to place he proposed and threw it off the cliff into the sea. I offered 1/2 carat diamond set in platinum engagement ring to DD who said she did not want it so I gave it to my niece. It took me two days to do because first I bagged up all his stuff, dumped into garden and had locks changed.

Sell them and treat you and DCs to the best day out EVER. I found it really cathartic selling jewellery from a knobhead abusive ex.

I wouldn’t remove in certain situations, like work, until you are good and ready to answer peoples questions. There are a certain type of woman that seem to spend a lot of time looking at their colleagues / acquaintances left hand and then stirring the shit with gossip etc. I once had someone who reported to me that told me with fairly obviously glee that a close colleague of mine was not wearing her wedding ring and spouting theories. I took her to a meeting room and told her in no uncertain terms that she was to stop the gossip, it was as bad as ambulance chasing and it could be that she’d just got swollen fingers. I said if it ever came to my attention she was gossiping and spreading rumours about people she didn’t know at work I’d consider it a disciplinary issue.
I did know that actually that my colleague had broken up with husband under horrible circumstances, but I wasn’t going to tell my report, it just so pissed me off that random people were speculating and discussing it behind the scenes for salacious reasons

@caringcarer I very much like your style.

Mine came off straight away. I still miss them a year later....miss the rings more than him! Lol