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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Neighbour is Amanda from 'Friends'

38 replies

brokendogbowl · 14/01/2023 16:00

I've got a neighbour, female, same age group as me (late 30s-early 40s). We live in adjoining flats, and I mainly keep myself to myself but from time to time we borrow things from each other, etc. She is immensely irritating in numerous ways, but in particular one habit she has of repeating information back to me that I have previously told her and acting like she's telling me something I don't know.

For example, I borrowed a stepladder from her, and she starts lecturing me about how to fix the thing I was going to fix 'you have to do it this way' in a really bossy manner, labouring the point, when I had already told her exactly the same method previously. She's done this numerous times and not only do I find it weird, it seems like a hierarchical thing, that she prides herself on being 'smart' and has shown on several occasions that she thinks I'm dumb, so when I tell her something she doesn't know, it seems to really hit a nerve and cause this reaction.

I wouldn't say she's stupid but she's not half as clever as she thinks she is. She also has the habit of telling me how good she is at everything with every interaction eg. I'm doing a long-distance run 'oh, I can give you some advice at that, I'm really good at it' Then she might give me some really obvious advice and labour the point that I have to do this. :/

She also was boasting how another neighbour had said she looked like an intellectual in her glasses, and then got her glasses and put them on for me and asked 'what do you think, do I look like an intellectual?' - with no irony whatsoever 😂It would all be quite funny really, if she wasn't so patronising and belittling every time I interacted with her. She reminds me of the cameo part Jennifer Coolidge did on 'Friends', the annoying Amanda. Anyway, I suppose my questions are a/ Have you experienced this and b/ What's the best way to deal with it, bearing in mind we live in close proximity, so some civility is required.

.
OP posts:
Iwritethissittinginthekitchensink · 14/01/2023 16:10

You don’t have to talk to your neighbours, let alone borrow things from them!

brokendogbowl · 14/01/2023 16:14

I'm doing this less and less, but we literally cross paths in the hall several times a week. Also, not everyone has a steady income and can afford to buy all the tools etc they need, some things have to be borrowed - although I will ask someone else in future.

OP posts:
brokendogbowl · 14/01/2023 16:18

It's also a very close knit building where everyone knows each other, we need to get together for residents' meetings etc so I need to be civil and can't completely ignore her. Believe me, if I could afford to live in a detached house in the middle of nowhere, I would!

OP posts:
Icantstopthisfeeling · 14/01/2023 16:20

I wouldn't say she's stupid but she's not half as clever as she thinks she is

But is she two faced and bitchy op?

brokendogbowl · 14/01/2023 16:23

Yes, she is. If your comment is about me, I was being kind about her actually, she's not a nice person. She was recently boasting to me about how she was having an affair with a married man. She's also really rude, abrasive, selfish, litters up the halls with crap from her apartment - there's a lot more I could say, actually.

OP posts:
brokendogbowl · 14/01/2023 16:27

And yes, you're right, she is two-faced and bitchy, she gossips about me to other residents it's quite clear, which is another concern as I don't want her telling everyone how 'dumb' she thinks I am and having them speaking down to me as well.

OP posts:
brokendogbowl · 14/01/2023 16:28

So yeah, any advice would be welcome, rather than the rather ironic bitchy remark accusing me of being bitchy.

OP posts:
SunshineAndFizz · 14/01/2023 16:43

Please tell me she's danced for you like in Friends 😂

brokendogbowl · 14/01/2023 16:54

I would love to say yes, but sadly not! Unfortunately she's not as entertaining as Amanda. I remember she invited me to her NYE party a few years ago, before I distanced myself more from her, and when I arrived the first thing she said to me was 'oh good, you've brought alcohol, we've run out', cue 15 of her equally obnoxious friends descending on me holding their cups out. She also does the thing of blurting out insults 'oh, your acne has got bad again. I'm very lucky in that I have always had such a clear complexion'. Also, 'You say you went to the gym regularly before lockdown? Really?!' Whilst looking me up and down. A real charmer.

OP posts:
Jb2182 · 14/01/2023 16:55

Did anyone else click on this, genuinely thinking this was going to be about living next door to Jennifer Coolidge? 😳

brokendogbowl · 14/01/2023 16:56

Sorry to disappoint, I assure you that no-one is more disappointed than me that it's not the real Amanda, Jennifer Coolidge is great.

OP posts:
AnuSTart · 14/01/2023 17:01

Oh i think we all have one of those in my life.
Mine is one of my oldest and most beloved friends, which makes it easier, but there's nothing she doesn't know, isn't good at, can't advise on, has experienced. And she's also one of those women on MN when you ask them about what they earn they tell you what their husband does/earns.
Embarrassing.

AnuSTart · 14/01/2023 17:02

In our lives! Oh to have an edit button.

Pinkbonbon · 14/01/2023 17:03

Didn't even need to get past - repeating your it info back to you as if its her own. THAT is a narcissist right there.

Follow up behaviour confirms it of course.

Seriously, avoid her like the plague.
She might seem laughable right now but trust me, their evil knows no bounds.

brokendogbowl · 14/01/2023 17:04

I take it your friend has some redeeming features though, AnuSTart? The kindest assessment I could make of this person is that she's very insecure and trying too hard to cover it up, and maybe in a few years she'll develop a bit more self-awareness and gain some humility. How do you handle your friend?

OP posts:
PrinceHaz · 14/01/2023 17:05

Some of the things you’ve described are vile. To such an extent that I’d consider moving to another flat somewhere else.

brokendogbowl · 14/01/2023 17:08

In my view, there's definitely some sort of personality disorder there, Pinkbonbon. When I requested that she move some of her stuff from the hall that had been creeping up towards my door, she didn't take well to that at all and started to make me out to be the one who was unreasonable, I should have said sooner, asked more nicely, I obviously don't understand how complicated her life is etc. Yep, I think grey rock is the way forward, and just keep civil for the sake of living on top of each other. I'd actually love to move PrinceHaz, and it's my aim for the end of the year, but money's very tight at the moment and I doubt I could find a cheaper place in my location.

OP posts:
MarshaMelrose · 14/01/2023 17:11

Amanda made me laugh. Look at me. Look how young I look. Smell my neck. That's not perfume, that's my natural scent. 😂

Off to YouTube. 😁

overthink4r · 14/01/2023 17:13

brokendogbowl · 14/01/2023 16:56

Sorry to disappoint, I assure you that no-one is more disappointed than me that it's not the real Amanda, Jennifer Coolidge is great.

I've A friend like this, don't take it personal, she is just shallow and doesn't have much about herself hence scrutinises others. Best thing you can do is drop one liners back at her "ooh you don't miss a thing" "you are soo clever" she won't know if you are being genuine or mocking her. Sounds a complete nob.

HeavenIsAHalfpipe · 14/01/2023 17:16

Did she try and call you on her mow-byle Grin ?

brokendogbowl · 14/01/2023 17:18

HeavenIsAHalfpipe · 14/01/2023 17:16

Did she try and call you on her mow-byle Grin ?

No, she's just an 'arse'

OP posts:
PineCone74 · 14/01/2023 17:18

Jb2182 · 14/01/2023 16:55

Did anyone else click on this, genuinely thinking this was going to be about living next door to Jennifer Coolidge? 😳

Yes, me! I read it exactly like that, so was a bit disappointed!

brokendogbowl · 14/01/2023 17:19

Clickbait title, guilty as charged!

OP posts:
Jb2182 · 14/01/2023 19:52

brokendogbowl · 14/01/2023 17:19

Clickbait title, guilty as charged!

Does anyone call her Stifler's Mum anymore?

Mittens1717 · 15/01/2023 12:38

Jb2182 · 14/01/2023 16:55

Did anyone else click on this, genuinely thinking this was going to be about living next door to Jennifer Coolidge? 😳

Yes 😂