How have people dealt with female ‘mean girl’ types at work?

[Redberries85]

Hi - I started at a new workplace a few months ago and there’s one particular woman who is really loud and sarcastic, very intimidating but brings a lot to the workplace as she’s deemed fun etc.

I’m quite different, I’m a kind person who is a bit quieter but still has a laugh and can make friends with my team close to me. I am in a slightly higher position to her so there’s been lots of banter comments about that, making fun of me for it but it’s always done in a jokey way. My close friend at work overheard her talking about our group as being the boring lot. she also stares at me sometimes when we’re stood around socially and is smirking. She just seems to smirk a lot and make passive aggressive comments or other times ignore when I’ve asked her something, she’ll interrupt and talk to someone else.
she definitely has a cliquey group too but I think they’re getting a bit fed up with her sometimes and seem to be warming to me more although they’re still close to her.

I just don’t know how to act around her. I suddenly go quiet and uncomfortable in her presence and dread any social times like lunchtimes. How have other people dealt with these types of people. Do you just ignore them? Just try and stay chirpy and pretend you’re feeling fine?

Managers are aware for various reasons but think they’re torn what to do as she comes across really nice and funny when they are there and it’s nothing than can be pinpointed.

Just do your job well and remind yourself that this is your place of employment and not high school where cliques and mean girls thrive.

As long as the behavior does prevent you from doing your job , you should respond to her in an appropriately professional manner and recognize that she is a person with whom you would not develop a personal relationship outside of the work environment.

Dignity and grace is best way to deal with these annoying types.

Totally agree with the poker face strategy. Keep any necessary interactions factual and impersonal.

These people thrive on attention and IME hate being ignored.

Leave. Or move to a dept that's mostly men

Becauae men never behave like this or in any asshole way do they?

Just get your head down and do your work , it's not school. No one is there to be popular. And really do not waste your time trying to work out her agenda , it's irrelevant to you

“Just don't get involved with her, engage where you need to for work, be polite and professional other than that ignore her, dont try and get her on side. It is a work place and you don't need to be buddies with everyone. Other people /will know what she is like if they are a good judge of character and they will also clock your professionalism.”

This with bells on.

Colin Hunt.

I rest my case.

She will be irritated by your calmness and success whilst she is probably a hot mess. For her it’s easier for her to bear her own feelings of inadequacy by being mean to you, instead of taking records herself.

It’s not you though - it is what you represent in her mind. Although I know it feels personal.

Play every interaction with her as neutrally as possible. Form your own relationships with your team.

Play the long game on this.
People like this always self sabotage somehow.

I'd advise you to document everything, make those who need to know aware of this, and grey rock her. It's good to hear that others have seen the downfall of bullying types like this, but unfortunately for me that wasn't the case, due to a very small team and the boss shagging one of the main office bullies who were ganging up on me. Keep records, distance yourself, remain professional, and be very direct with her, only speaking about work. If she makes some sort of suggestively bitchy comment, just keep the poker face and ask her what she means exactly. Keep your cool, don't let her ruffle you, bullies act like this out of weakness.

Also be prepared for her possibly ramping up the nasty behaviour as she sees you are not responding, that's what happened to me.

Thanks for the helpful responses. It helps to hear other peoples stories. I’ll be grey rocking and documenting