Divorce I earn more than STBXH but he has a huge Pension. What is likely to happen

[Whyme33]

Hi,

I am about to issue divorce proceedings and have an appointment with solicitor next week but would love to have some idea beforehand if what i’m asking is unreasonable or even possible….

STBXH and I cohabiting for 11 years, married for 1 before seperating. I have an older DC from previous relationship and we share a 9 year old DC.
He is in military and joined 2 years before we started cohabiting and has now served 14 years.
We seperated due to me discovering his gambling addiction. At the time we were living in rented accommodation close to his army base a few hundred miles from our home town. We own a house together and it is currently rented out due to our move with his job. I moved back home with 2 DC when I discovered the gambling and because the tenants are only midway through tenancy I have had to move into a family members 2 bed flat which i pay rent and bills for.
He has moved into a room in his army camp in the week and on the weekend he now comes back to our home town and lives with his new girlfriend and my DC stays there with him when he has access.
the current state of play with finances;

Our home has £120k equity
no other joint assets
He has a military pension worth £260k (at this point but this will increase to £400k at the point of retirement for him in 8 years)
I don’t have a pension as i moved jobs quite a bit over the years to accommodate him and his career.
his salary is £38k
since i moved back to my hometown i’ve managed to secure a really well paid job and am in £125k but the job may not be long term as there is potential redundancy in the next 2 years.
I have £15k savings
he has no savings and actually emptied our sons savings account a year ago that had £6k in it.
He also owes me £15k that he agreed to repay me but just hasnt bothered.
he hasnt paid a penny CMS and I logged a claim with CMS in April 22 and to date he has managed to dodge them and the arrears stands at £3k

my questions are;
will i be entitled to half his current pension value (£260k)
will my new salary go against me when making a decision of need?
will the £15k loan between him and I be included when looking at the split of assets?
i was thinking of asking for the house and foregoing any claim on his pension but not sure if i’m selling myself short.
Although i’ve worked myself for the whole term of our relationship I have foregone promotions because i had to put childcare before my career whilst he has essentially been able to progress through the ranks in part because i have been the primary care giver.
he has been deployed for a total of 4 tours totalling 18 months in total during the relationship between which meant i had to manage the children alone.

any advice (not legal i know) would be great!

You need proper legal advice, your situation is complex. Please do not take “advice” from random people on MN.

You might be better posting in the legal section OP

You need proper advice
but you’re not entitled to half his pension - you are entitled to a fair share of assets - this may or not be half / the sane goes for him

its also fundamentally based on principle if needs so yiour high salary will impact settlement as you can build up your own pot

you’re unlikely to be able to really successfully argue that you’ve been disadvantaged as you now have a very high paying career . But you need advice re military pensions

see a solicitor

As you were only married for 1 year, his pension might not even come into consideration. As others have said, see a solicitor - and start paying as much as possible into your own pension.

@Soontobe60 Thanks, I was under the impression that co-habiting pre marriage counted especially because we have a 9 year old DC.
We started loving together in June 2011.

I definitely am consulting a solicitor but i’m trying to get pre appointment comments/opinions.
Because divorce seems to be quite a grey area rather than black and white so hearing other peoples experiences sometimes helps.

It’s likely co habitation will be taken into consideration in this case

there are 2 main principles in splitting addets

needs
sharing

yiur high salary reduces your needs
you can easily get a mortgage, pay your bills, contribute to a pension

however if there is money left in the pot after both parties needs considered then the principle of Sharing combined marital assets will come into it

Thanks @millymollymoomoo that’s really useful.

In terms of my needs. Will the fact that I now have to pay childcare costs to be able to work, support 2 children and pay much higher rental costs etc count? My job is also quite high risk and the chance of being made redundant is there.
STBXH is now cohabiting and does not contribute to DC at all. He has him on overnights a month.

My possibly over simplistic view is that;
£120k our House equity + £260k his pension (this is the value he earned while we were cohabiting and married) + £15k my savings = £395k divided in half would be £197.5k each

Divorce law in the UK favours a clean break with an equal division of assets. Once children are brought into the equation additional elements can be introduced to support the resident parent. Division of assets is calculated at the date of separation. Your situation is more complex as he hasn't been paying child maintenance and the court can make an order that supports an application to take that into account. Pensions are complex, often there is an agreement to leave each others pensions alone. This is because each of you has the right to start again, form new relationships and possibly acquire new dependents. This is the advice I received when I divorced, it felt fair and equal.

You can’t value a pension like that
Especially a military defined benefit one
and a £1 in pension is not equivalent to £1 of equity as it’s not a readily available liquid asset

hence you need proper assessment of pension valuations

how is he dodging cms? Can you put in for direct pay ?

his needs might be considered less but he’s also earning a fraction of what you are and he’ll argue he needs housing too

Btw everyone’s job is possible if redundancy - but courts look at earning potential and it would be deemed that you would be able to find similar work and pay

I was in a similar financial situation to you

My dp got made redundant and was jobless at the time of the divorce and this massively counted in his favour. I knew he was delaying getting a new role deliberately and in fact, he got a new job the day after the divorce was finalised.

I had a well paying job and had to keep it despite the stress because someone had to pay the bills. It all counted against me because essentially they look at numbers on a piece of paper and on a piece of paper at that time, I was earning and he was not.

Dp had a huge pension, I had almost nothing but I ended up having to buy him out of the house (50%).

Unfortunately you do get penalised for being sensible. Do was not a gambler but just always spent everything he had.

My job was also high risk but as others have said, it was not taken into account

Entitlement in short marriages is often worked out by looking at what you brought into the relationship.

I personally would try to negotiate a private agreement along the lines of him signing the house over to you in return for you not seeking access to his pension. Cms is separate and the armed forces look dimly on those who try to dodge paying - work out what you believe is fair, will be fairly nominal but something and check with forces orgs if they can help you get it

OP. - how did it go for you? Also bear in mind the military pension increases with inflation, so I hope you got a % of it......!