Hi,
My head is scrambled.
I'm starting to question if my husband can be emotionally/verbally abusive or just a prick sometimes. Or that we're simply incompatible. I'm not a saint either.
I'll give some examples but I feel its important to note that I never feel intimidated or scared of him - I am well able to stand up for myself and give him a bollocking if I feel he's disrespected me.
Together 10 years, married for 5. Two year old son. The issue I have is the way he can speak to me, in public especially. Example, this morning we were at a football class with my son. He generally does his own thing there and runs around, being a 2 year old. My husband however can reach a point where he gets frustrated with his behaviour and wants to leave etc. He was trying to coax our son out of the goal post when I came over and said something along the lines of 'don't worry he's ok' something like that. He then proceeded to loudly say 'I've said to you four times its not OK he's in the goal post' and kept going on and was just generally looking and sounding angry and waving his hands about. I could feel other parents overhearing and I was mortified. I said to him that if I heard one of the other dad's speaking like that to his partner I would think he was an abusive asshole.
The thing with my husband is he never gets embarrassed in public if we have cross words. Whereas I'm mortified if we do so I never really react or say anything as I don't want to make it even more obvious that we're having a row. I'll privately tell him though in no uncertain terms how I feel after. He's the same in private really as in public so it's not one of those situations where he's worse at home. Only difference is if we're at home I have no problem in telling him not to speak to me like that etc.
That's just one example. He can take the piss out of me a lot around our friends and family and I'm supposed to be able to laugh it off. However, he hates having the piss taken out of him. He can make some comments sometimes that I cringe about and I think he's simply unaware of how it sounds.
He's always apologetic afterwards and says he'll try harder/will be more respectful etc. I always think that it's his ability to apologise quickly that keeps us together. However, this is not changing. I'm worried about our arguments in front of our son (not over the top ones but fairly regular) and how he can speak to me at times.
There is a lot of good between us too in that we can be very affectionate and playful. I know ultimately he loves me and our son and always has our back. I actually think he (and probably me) have issues stemming from childhood that make our marriage difficult.
Is therapy the way to go? Every time we have an argument though since our child has come along I can't help but feel we shouldn't be together. I get so scared and sad though thinking of splitting. Sometimes I feel is there an element of a trauma bond to us. I just don't know.
Thank you so much if you've read the whole thing.