Really struggling today

[ExofanAddict]

I don’t even know why I’m writing this to be honest. But I’m two and a half years since a break up and I’m still so broken and I just don’t feel I can tell anyone else. The relationship broke me badly and I just can’t seem to see how I could possibly move on which makes me believe that was my one chance. I always wanted kids and a family and I just don’t think I have it in me to achieve it anymore.
Yet - him who caused all the problems is happy and has moved on. He who destroyed who I was. And I miss who I was. I was happy and I didn’t have this anxiety. I regularly wish it all never happened while still missing what we did have when we were happy.
I just wish I had one of the men in black machines that could wipe my mind so I could move on.

SorrY you’re going through this. You are the main character in your own life. If he had moved on, try to be happy for him, try to appreciate what you had - because it was worthwhile in some regard, even if you just learned a lesson.

make your life what you want. Don’t wait for things, go and get them. Xx

Move on like he has.

To be honest putting all your future happiness on just him would have been a burden for another to carry. That isn't a partnership it's a dependence.

No one has to stay in a relationship. You need to find something else.

Don't waste anymore of your time OP. He's not worth it.

I mean it was my choice not to be there anymore because the extreme anxiousness I had through him would have killed me. But I really just wish for karma not his happiness.

And I know i should be moving on but it’s oh so much harder in the world of dating apps than it was when I last dated. It’s like shopping for a date.

I felt this way after I broke up with my ex fiancé. It was his behaviour that caused the breakdown of the relationship but I was the one left feeling broken while he moved on and got married and had his family very quickly. Karma didn’t get him and still hadn’t but I never believed in that anyway. After a couple of failed short term relationships I just started to enjoy spending time with my friends and family then I met someone, we were married within 2 years and had 2 children in close succession soon afterwards. A lot can change in a year OP, must you use the dating apps if they’re upsetting you, could you not try hobbies or an introduction through friends? X

Take the focus off dating.

Self care, find a hobby, spend time with friends...

You say you wish you were the person you were before him, well then go and recapture that. But wallowing in self pity and being resentful that he has moved on are not going to help you become happy.

Ypu are responsible for your own life amd your own happiness. No one else.

To clarify I don’t focus on dating. I focus on my work, my friends and my family but that hasn’t changed anything in the last two and a half years. Sometimes hearing what he’s doing gets me down but I don’t just wallow - I do try to just get on. I just have this fear of being left alone and missing out on the things I wanted.

@RemindMeAgain thank you. Guess I do need the occasional reminder that things can change quickly. And I’m so glad it worked out for you. I don’t even have the dating apps I download them occasionally but they’re so bad so I just get rid and hope someone will come along.

Thank you everyone. It’s a new day and I haven’t had a really bad one like yesterday in a while. So it’s back to focusing on me.

That’s the spirit @ExofanAddict ❤️