I will try to keep the background short
I met exh as a teenager we married and had 3 DCs together.
When the youngest was 6 months old I found out he was cheating on me. This wasn't the first time but the previous times he was apologetic and swore it wouldn't happen again etc. But that time he basically told me it was my fault because I was fat and I should just accept it. There were other problem as well, he was controlling and didn't want me to work or see friends because as a mother I belonged at home.
So we divorced he was very difficult throughout demanding 50/50 even though that wouldn't work with his job, and trying to make sure I ended up with nothing if I tried to work something out he would threaten to go to court and take everything from me. In the end I called his bluff and insisted that we go through court.
He ended up with EOW and 2 evenings a week and having to pay me more maintenance than I had originally asked for plus and equal split of all assets.
It has now been over 3 years since we split up. Exh is in an on and off relationship with the OW. Plus he has had a few girlfriends in between time. He has dropped the during the week contact completely.
If he is in a relationship then he is distant. He often cancels or arrives late for his weekend contact and he has no interest in my life and doesn't go to anything DC related (parents evenings, school shows etc)
But when he is not in a relationship he is controlling, he won't stop contacting me just to see where I am or what I'm doing. He goes to DC activities all the time and runs round like super dad.
Since Dec 21 I have been dating my DP though we knew each other as friends before that. In spring 22 I told my DCs I was in a relationship, I then told exh as well so he didn't hear it from the the Kids. But I only gave him DPs first name and no other details about our lives. Ex took it badly and started hanging round outside my house to catch sight of him. This went on for a month but then he got back together with OW and went back to ignoring me.
In the Summer the DCs met DP for the first time and we've gradually built up the time that DP is around. The DCs really like DP they often ask if he can come on outings with us because he is fun and will often get stuck in playing with them.
Everything was great till just after Xmas when Ex split up with OW again. Since then he has been worse than ever. He calls me all the time I often see him walking passed my house. He comes into my work all the time. One of the DCS told him where DP works and his last name so now he calls his work all the time. He made a complaint about DP to his work (luckily the complaint made no sense and his work where supportive). He started tagging DP in horrible things on FB so DP delete his account. He has been messaging me pretending to be other women who have slept with DP and are exposing their affair. He keeps telling the DCS horrible things like I love DP more than them or that I use the money he gives me to take DP out when they aren't home.
DP is mostly taking it on the chin and always says he is more worried about what he is doing to me. But I can tell it's getting him down and I know he's worried about the impact on his job and the DCs relationship with him.
I'm also worried about how the DCs are coping and even though I reassure them all the time that they are my number 1 priorities I worry that one day they will believe his lies.
I don't know how to get EX to stop. I thought the other day about introducing him to someone just so he would leave us alone. I would never actually do that to anyone but I'm just so fed up of being constantly contacted and I'm worried DP is going to start thinking it's all more trouble than it's worth.