RESPECT course

[AutisticLegoLover]

Does anyone have any experience of these courses? For a teen and her abusive father.

What is it, for male abusers?

Teens and parents.

The website says this:

Supporting young people to end unhealthy behaviours in their relationships.
Ups and downs are normal in relationships, but if you know someone is causing harm, it may be time to reach out for help.

We offer two separate programmes that help young people develop a better understanding of safe, healthy and happy relationships.
Taking an impartial and non-judgemental approach, we help young people understand how their words and actions could be causing harm to others. We challenge their behaviours and encourage them to adapt more positive relationships with their peers, partners and family.

I think this is the parent version

Helping you to stop causing harm in your relationships.
We run multiple programmes for people that recognise they use harm and want to end their unhealthy behaviours. We are committed to tackling unhealthy behaviours at the root cause.

What does ‘behaviour change’ mean?
We believe that all those who use harm in relationships are responsible for their behaviours. Those who use harm may do so for a variety of reasons that include a desire to maintain power and control, or the belief that their needs are the top priority in their relationships.
Harming is a learned behaviour. It’s often unclear where an individual learns it, but many of those who commit harm witnessed it growing up, pick it up in social circles, or learn it through popular culture.
Just as it’s possible to learn harm, it’s also possible to unlearn it.
Our Behaviour Change programmes encourage individuals to reflect on how and why they cause harm, then commit to changing their unhealthy behaviours.

What are unhealthy behaviours?
An unhealthy behaviour in a relationship includes anything that causes harm a partner or family member. It may be a direct action or the emotion behind it, such as:
Extreme feelings of jealousy
Difficulty controlling anger
Intimidation and making your partner scared or anxious
Emotional, financial or physical abuse
Screaming, shouting, punching and throwing objects
Criticising your partner and putting them down
If you recognise any of these behaviours and want to change, we can offer support.

Does the teen live with you? Have they been abusive or is it just the parent?

I'd want a long conversation with those running it first

She lives with her abusive dad. She's abusive towards others.

I don't want to get into that though as it's a very long story and one social services are very aware of. It's a dreadful situation all round.

IIRC Lundy Bancroft talks about a similar program for abusers in her book 'Why does he do that'. That is in the US though.

Has someone in particular recommended the course to you? I guess one trusted place that you could enquire is the domestic abuse team in your local area, I know our local DA group did work with school age children to help them understand what a healthy relationship should look like.

The social worker has recommended it but abusive men don't change so I'm not sure why he thinks this will make any difference. The child is totally enmeshed with the father and he treats her like a partner rather than a daughter. It's very volatile and there's other children visiting the household that are at risk. I think it will be very good for the child to learn what healthy relationships look like from an independent source. She's been alienated from her mum and siblings and very much sides with her father in thinking that her mum is the problem. There's undiagnosed mental health issues too and it's all very complex to try and resolve. Social services want to work with them both to resolve the issues but you can't change an abusive man.

What the fuck?
How to you expect someone to heal from abuse when they are still being abused?

You can also not teach an abuser respect. They don't want to respect you.

Get the daughter away from abuser and there may be helping her. But if this course is suggesting putting people in a room with their abuser and talking about respect, its not only a sham, but a dangerous one.

Read lundy Bancroft book. He worked with abusers fir years and came to the conclusion that they simply manipulate these sessions to their advantage and use them to become more sneaky in their abuse.

The kid can maybe be helped to change. Chances are just removing her from her abuser would ve the best help though.

However, if she is abusive to you...maybe you need to walk away entirely unfortunately.

What is the abuse ? I’m surprised they will leave her with her father who is abusing her .

Have you name changed ? Are you the mother with the daughter who said her father sexually assaulted her but then she won’t press charges ? That’s her like a partner and turned her against you ? If so she shouldn’t be left there and it’s odd for the social worker to just suggest a course for them .

Lundy is a guy infact lol. And concluded himself these courses don't work after running them himself for years.

They were also strictly for the abuser, not their victims. Even if both are abusive.

I've read Lundy which is why I have great reservations. The course is run in separate groups for the child and adult so they won't be together.

Physical and emotional abuse is what's going on and I agree the child needs removing but she changes her story every time and the police do nothing.

Social services also do very little but have said they will support the father to cope better with his stress

The girl may has nothing to lose by attending the course surely? perhaps there might be a chance that she will hear something that may help...(the freedom course is attended by woman still in abusive relationships).

I read Bancroft about 4 years ago, so I completely guessed re his sex, doesn't really matter lol.

I guess she will chop and change her story, most kids will still want to be with a parent / parents despite being in an abusive situation. Is there anywhere other than going into care where she could live?