Ex with debt

[whitedeskwithnochair]

I don't have much support so just coming on here for some advice.

Ex and I split up a year ago. He earns a middle salary £40k. One of the reasons we split was because he had got into large amounts of debt. (£18k) and was getting lots of parking fines etc. I was on maternity leave at the time and came up with budget after budget for us both, which he ignored.

We are no split and he rents a small place in the next town. Post used to come to my house for him all the time, lots of red letters etc I got asked him to get his address changed and he said he was sorting his debt out. Over the past two weeks I have received the same letter for him in a brown envelope, which I passed on. Today I received another of these letters (not sure if same company or different). I opened it (yes i know it's illegal and please don't need this pointed out to me) and it's from a DCA saying they are to collect this money for a loan as no repayments had been made.

The way my ex talks it's as if he's got his debt all sorted and he just doesn't have much money, but it feels likes the problem
Is much bigger than that. He pays £300 CM a month, which I can't live without. But reading this letter was immediate thought was concern and anxiety for him. We don't get on that well, but I don't want him to be in this situation. I've tried to help him before but he sees it as me interfering and probably is embarrassed. What should I do? He needs help, but if he won't speak to anyone nobody can sort this properly. He's obviously really bad with money, but I'm concerned what this means for him. He's 43 and should be having a semi nice life on his wage, but instead he's not able to provide for his daughter properly or afford to do anything in his spare time.

Sorry I hope this makes sense. As he's an ex I probably should not invest my worry or concern. I have my own financial worries at the moment too.

You said it, not your concern, he doesn't want your help and he has to help himself ultimately. It's lovely that you still care so much but you can't fix him, he needs to take responsibility for himself like an adult.

For a start you should ' Return to Sender' all letters as your ex doesn't live with you any more.
By passing them on the sender will think that he still lives with you.
Just be glad that your finances are not linked.

@Idontknowhatnametochoose thank you. I feel so conflicted (and a fucking idiot) because he's been a complete arsehole to me and still is most of the time. He has moment where he can be nice. Just wish he'd sort his shit out.

If you don't start returning them to sender you may well end up with debt collectors at your door.
With all the sympathy in the world, he got himself into this mess, not you. You need to protect yourself and your child.

@Anotheanon thanks. I've told him this before and this is why I opened the letter. I'm struggling financially myself (not in debt but living very frugally despite good job and working a second job). Thanks for your good advice

You can ask for a note to be put on your credit files making it clear you have no financial links. Don't pass stuff to him. Send it back. I got a glut of letters from debt collectors (and a knock on the door) when my ex husband and the OW moved out of the property they were living in. I wrote a short note to each debtor with their new address and contact details. I didn't see why I had to deal with the shit they had left because they didn't pay their bloody bills! That was the end of the matter.

Check your credit file. Call the DCA and tell them he does not reside at your address and RTS every letter you get. Also do NOT allow any debt collectors in your home.

Debt Advisor here. It's not illegal to open his post - you have no intention of doing anything malicious.

Call the companies and DCAs and advise he no longer lives there. Also return them to sender.

Close any joint financial products (joint account?) you're no longer linked to him.

Do you have a copy of your tenancy agreement/council tax bill showing he no longer lives there? Have a copy to hand so that if anyone shows up, you can show them through the door safety chain.

@TallulahBetty he is technically still on the tenancy. Even though he has rented somewhere else (my bad as I never got round to changing it with looking after a baby) I'm also planning to move out soon and I spoke to landlords and they'd need to do a whole new application. Thanks for your advice. He's about £20k in debt, are there solutions to help him? I don't know why a year later he still hasn't sorted the problem out.

@Toooldtoworry shit, does the fact these letters are coming to my address mean they will affect my credit rating?

@TallulahBetty I do have a copy of the. Council tax bill as single persons allowance

No, not unless the debt is a joint one. the property itself isn't affected by bad credit.

You need to get him off the tenancy, CT and bills etc so you have proof he doesn't live there.