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Original poster

Holiday time

44 replies

DaddyTee · 13/01/2023 09:08

Hi all,

My wife and I were having a discussion about next Christmas (I know, already!) and it turns out that this year (2023) the kids don't break up until the 22nd December. My wife and I have been together now for 6 and a half years now and even before we got together, I would always have the week of my birthday (20th December) and Christmas week off work. This always gave me two weeks off work. As the kids don't finish school until the 22nd December my wife and I are now in a disagreement about whether I take that week off now. She obviously wants me to move my week to another week when she is off work too and I am pushing back on that saying I've always had two weeks off at Christmas and I don't feel the need to change that just because the kids are at school.

Now, my wife is a teacher, so she gets many weeks holiday - I think about 12 weeks plus bank holidays. Her 6 week summer holiday is a week longer than I get in total so my argument back is that she gets lots more holiday than me, yes she doesn't any ability to say when her holidays are but that is a con to a very big pro. She is also arguing that all her time off is when the kids are off and it's not really a "holiday", it's going from full time working to full time looking after and entertaining the kids. I get this, I really do, but I see that as a trade off for having 12 weeks holiday vs my 5 weeks (though it appears I'm still fully expected to take off when the kids are off too).

In the last week, my work have offered for us to "buy" an extra 5 days holiday at the cost of some salary per month. So I've offered that to my wife and she thinks it is a good idea and I said, maybe I can keep that week off at Christmas now and she immediately said "Nooo, that'll make me very angry". Then she called me (she was on her way to work) and said she would only accept it, if I took the kids away on my own for a weekend to give her a partial equivalent, which would make it "fair". I obviously said it's still not quite fair as I'm still missing 6 weeks of holiday compared to her but she then argued that it isn't really "holiday" time 🤔

What are your thoughts on this matter please?

OP posts:

Goldilocksmother · 14/01/2023 00:37

However, in my case, that condition is being changed, and not by me

It was dictated the moment you decided to have children.

Original poster

DaddyTee · 14/01/2023 00:41

Fizzadora · 14/01/2023 00:16

Sorry mate but you are on to a loser here. You are pissed off because you think your holiday time is being dictated. Your wife's holiday time is exactly that, yet you feel hard done by.
You sound like you think you are a switched on Dad and not the usual selfish, misogynist twat we read about on here so why can't you see how much of a knob you sound?
Your wife doesn't get any child free holidays so neither should you. And no, the fact that she gets more holidays (to look after the children) does not make up for you having fewer weeks.

I get the feeling from you that no matter how I sounded, I'd still sound like a knob to you.

I think I made my point quite clearly about her time being dictated as being part of the condition of her employment. Should she be angry about that, then she would be angry all the time and it would have nothing to do with me.

It is not in my conditions of employment, yet it is being forced to be that way. Why should I not be at least a little resistant to that?

To be clear, I'm asking for your thoughts here, not to judge me, you waste your time by judging me because you have very little to go on and I know this, so your judgement means very little to me.

I do welcome constructive criticism or helpful suggestions though, maybe give that a whirl?

OP posts:

Original poster

DaddyTee · 14/01/2023 00:43

Goldilocksmother · 14/01/2023 00:37

However, in my case, that condition is being changed, and not by me

It was dictated the moment you decided to have children.

Actually, that is a very good point.

OP posts:

Grimsknee · 14/01/2023 03:34

The nature of parenting is that there often are no childfree holidays (maybe the odd day here and there) for a few years. If, like me and my DP, you were both in jobs where u only got 4 or 5 weeks leave a year, you would have to each use all your weeks to cover school holidays separately, as well as somehow manage to find a week where you could all go away together. It was shit but we just sucked it up until they were teenagers.
You're really taking your wife for granted here and showing massive entitlement. If you insist that you want to take a weeks leave outside school holidays and aren't prepared to forgo that for a few years, you should take the kids away by yourself and give your wife the same childfree week that you get. (Everyone knows what happens when men take over all the childcare at home while the mother's still in the house....)

DancinOnTheCeiling · 14/01/2023 05:57

I was going to suggest what @Grimsknee said. Could you discuss with your wife if she’d be okay for you to have your usual pre xmas week off but in return she gets one child free week at some point during their school holidays? With the condition being that you take the kids somewhere during that week so she has alone time or she gets to go somewhere on her own?

Aprilx · 14/01/2023 06:48

You sound quite selfish, a week off for your birthday indeed. It is normal for people with children to have to take annual leave to cover school holidays. You wife does, you should.

Jimboscott0115 · 14/01/2023 06:55

I think it depends OP. Is this the only time you have off out of your leave to have to yourself? Or do you try to use as much of the 5 weeks as you can just for you?

If this is the only week then it's reasonable to use about 20% of your leave for 'you' things without the kids.

If you do this with all your leave you need to step up and be a better husband/dad.

Mydogatemypurse · 14/01/2023 07:04

If she is a teacher i highly doubt that time off doesnt involve her working, also she is always off when the kids are. Shes much more hard done by than you. Your a grown adult, why are you making such a fuss over your own birthday. Take the day off for your birthday if need be.

Mydogatemypurse · 14/01/2023 07:07

DancinOnTheCeiling · 14/01/2023 05:57

Ha ha yes!!!! Let her have a break too.

LordEmsworth · 14/01/2023 07:14

Just say - of you want to go away then that's fine, I'd love to spend some time with the kids and great that you feel able to do that. It doesn't need to be a negotiation, we're both adults. It's healthy for adults to have time away from their family.

stopringingme · 14/01/2023 07:42

Why don't you take a day off for your birthday and two weeks still for Christmas but the weeks the children are off school.

Indigoshift · 14/01/2023 07:45

If two of the boys are your step children. Then you do sound like you are doing a great job. There are lots on here that moan about their step children you haven't at all.

It is really simple as you said , take your week off. Then when the older two are at their Dads. Take your son away somewhere just you two. So your wife has a whole weekend free.

It's about you both getting the break.

A holiday with three kids is not a holiday though that is true.

Indigoshift · 14/01/2023 07:46

stopringingme · 14/01/2023 07:42

Why don't you take a day off for your birthday and two weeks still for Christmas but the weeks the children are off school.

Or break up the day of your birthday. So have 3 days not a full week.

lula103 · 14/01/2023 07:55

"Like I said, I think I'm just feeling like my holiday time is being dictated, and I don't like that. I will do the right thing, but I need to feel like it is my decision and not being forced upon me."

As another poster has said, your wife's holiday is fully dictated! From a personal point of view, I was a teacher for 23 years and have now changed career. I have loads more energy, earn more and no longer need my 'holidays' to recover and catch up with work. I used to look after our children, do school work and go into school ( with my children) during my holidays and they were exhausting at times. My husband used a similar argument as he only had 5 weeks but he did as he wished with them and took them when he wanted.
This year, I took a day off work to go Christmas shopping (mid week and without children) and it was blissful and I was calm and ready for Christmas- a far cry from previous teaching years.

I think you should have a few days off alone but the give your wife the same time for herself. Compromise is key :)
Good luck!

TeenDivided · 14/01/2023 08:48

If they don't break up until 22nd, presumably they go back later too?
So why not take the extra week off after Christmas instead of before?

Flounder2022 · 14/01/2023 09:51

Why not split the difference! Take from the 20th off, so you still have a couple of days, including your birthday amd then take the remainder at a time of your wife's choosing so she has some time to do with as she pleases.

To be honest I can't believe you both don't already have your own time built in to your lives!

rookiemere · 14/01/2023 15:23

Buy the extra five day's holiday.

Use two of them to have some time to yourself and use the other two to allow your DW to have some time alone within the DCs during school holidays.

Keep one in case by any miracle there is a day the DCs are at school and your DW isn't and do something together.

Opentooffers · 14/01/2023 18:50

It's actually a benefit of splitting up, especially for women often, as actually taking turns with childcare on your own means that each of you regularly get alone time - not that I'd reccommend splitting up. But taking turns while the other does their own thing from time to time really can be a good way to find yourself and get some chilled r'n'r.

neighboursmustliveon · 15/01/2023 15:10

As someone who works in a school (I don't get all the school holidays but do have to take all my holidays during school holidays), I do understand your wife's annoyance. My husband gets more holidays than me, he also can take flexi days and because he works from home, if we aren't doing anything, he doesn't see the point in taking leave with us.

He will take days off to recover from a Sunday gig/night away and has just told me that he has 3 days left to take before the end of March and has all of feb half term off.

I do get annoyed that he gets days to himself and I never do, it is easier now our kids are in secondary school so there isn't the childcare element.

I wouldn't be happy if he just took a whole week off by himself.

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