My partner and i first got together 8 years ago. We had an amazing first year together, he took on my then 10 year old as his own, was a great step dad and we were so happy... until he started to become paranoid and jealous and quite toxic. He struggled to accept i had close friendships with males and eventually our relationship ended because he obsessed over one friend in particular, who he believes i cheated with. We spilt for 5 years, blocked each other on eveything, but every few months or so would exchange emails. We missed each other and couldn't move on, so last year we ended up meeting and getting back together. We had some big talks about his jealousy issues and made a lot of progress we hadnt been able to before, but he still wanst certain i hadnt cheated. I fell pregnant after 3 months, i am Now almost 6 months pregnant and old patterns are now repeating themselves. He insisted on going through my phone to find messages on insta with a guy id known since school. The messages were him asking how i was and congratulating me on my pregnancy. I admitted that he had once asked me out on a date in the time we werent together, but i declined and we remained "friends" - i use the term loosely, as it would just be the occasion checking in asking how eachother was, maybe touch on current affairs in the world, ask how eachothers kids are (he is a single parent). My partner is furious that i would "entertain" somebody who is "quite obviously chasing after me, lingering on and taking the long route" - i disagree, i dont believe that to be the case, otherwise i wouldnt entertain it. There are many other examples, and so much more in between, but it all feels so complex to type out. But am i wrong for speaking to a guy innocently? The guy is aware i have a boyfriend, hes a sweet person and expressed genuine happiness for our baby news. The thing is, the interaction itself isnt that deep, i probably couldnt care less if i never speak to this guy again! But its the fact its being misconstrued as something it isnt that is hurting me. Surely its only me who could make the choices that are right for me and align with my moral standards in a relationship, i dont believe all situations to be black and white and i dont think its my partners place to decide who i should and shouldnt talk to!
To be clear, if i thought this guy was genuinely after me in that way, i wouldnt entertain talking to him, i dont think thats acceptable. But my partner believes that ive simply "friendzoned" him, and its not okay to carry on talking to somebody who would jump at the chance to be with me. He truly believes that guys only accept friendzone status, so they can linger and hold out hope for that one day i might change my mind.
If you've made it this far, thank you fir reading!