What ducks? What order?

[Dailyfailsucks]

I’ve been married 15 years and have 1dc. I want to separate from my husband but he doesn’t and is burying his head in the sand. I have no family to stay with and no savings. He does not have any to leave family home even though he has family with spare rooms. I’ve arranged for house valuation next week but what else to do? I’m hoping to buy him out. We have joint bank account and his salary is paid straight into it. I have my own account for my salary. Both similar earners I have access to all mortgage /debt info etc. Should I contact the bank to see if they’d approve a mortgage in my name only? I’m trying to do everything without him knowing as he might fly off the handle. No solicitor involved yet as I’m trying to keep all costs to an absolute minimum(not entitled to legal aid). I’ve been unable to get an appointment with citizens advice to get some advice. Also not sure wether to formally separate or just head straight in for divorce. Has anyone here been in this position that can offer me help?

You need to understand

what assets are there ( house/pensions/other)
Can either one of you afford to buy the other out ? Can you raise a mortgage in your own name to allow that
will it be a 50:50 split or something else
what will be the arrangements for your child? Where will they live, what access arrangements for non resident parent, what child maintenance will be paid

if you’re set on divorcing personally I’d go straight for that

I'd look into any benefits that you might be entitled to as a single parent/person - then you'll know when contacting the bank that this can be classed as income.

I'd also give a heads up to school so they are aware and can offer support to your child as well if they need it.

Thankyou. Some things to think about.

As well as above
List of all debts
Copies of pension policy numbers and balances if you can get them.

Get house valued, realtors will usually do that we're I live
Enquire about mediation and book in if there's a wait to access it
Put together DC and your passports/birth certificates and any other important documents in a safe place, maybe with a trusted person if you feel he might kick off.
Check out entitled too and see if you'd be able to get any UC or other benefits
Is CB in your name?

If you are eligible for benefits you can claim as separated while under one roof but you'd need to tell him you're seperating and applying for divorce as well as family and friends and DC, kids school etc would have to know because you need to prove you're no longer together. Things like stop using the joint account, he needs his own, each paying your own share of bills, each doing their own meals and own food shopping. You might be able to apply for CM but they do tend to assume 50/50 if under one roof. If you came to an agreement on wh has DC when or he moved out that would be different.